, I guess I did give a good case study, didn't I?!
Yes, I have finally found a job that I'm actually excited to go to in the mornings, and that makes all the difference. It's really hard to have a job you hate, and I've ended up taking more sick days than I should simply because I don't want to be there. This job isn't like that. It keeps me mentally stimulated, and the office dogs also help a lot (belly rub breaks are the best kind of breaks). My officemate is a quiet man, and a wealth of information; I've learned a lot from him in regards to our field. The work is interesting; it's within my field, but different tasks than I've done before. My boss is one of the best I've ever had, and I never said that he was attractive; he's old enough to be my Father.
That being said, my marriage is almost 4 years in, and it honestly is a marriage that shouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm not sure if you know my history, but let me give you a quick rundown: we dated for 3 months, engaged for 10 months, and married for about 3.5 years. We can't communicate with each other, and it's been slowly breaking down since it started. We didn't know each other when we got married, and we still don't know each other because we spend very little time together. We eat supper while watching TV together every evening, and this past Friday was our first date night since early December, and he spent a chunk of it on the phone with his sibling. Also, we don't have children, and that's a major part of the problem; I want a family, but refuse to have one with someone who is seldom available.
So, my marriage is on a downhill slope, and I'm not sure if things are going to work out. We were going through a book together, but fell off the rails with that, and since we've been trying and not succeeding to change things since year #1, I've got 1 foot out the door. So yes, at this point, my job is the 1 bright spot in life right now, and it is more important to me than a marriage that I'm merely ho-hum about. Hell, I've given my H permission to cheat. I figured that since I'm not able to teach him anything in the bedroom, maybe someone else can. He's been in an open (non-sexual) relationship before with his best friend and that guy's girlfriend (now wife). I thought he might be up for it again. He's not, so we're both stuck between a rock and a hard place. And no, if H ended up hooking up with someone at his office, I would probably slap him on the back and say, "good for you!". So yes, I know myself, and I know what I would do in a situation like that.
Originally Posted by manfromlamancha View Post
So OP, the above poster gives a good example here. Her job is clearly more important than the marriage without her even knowing that it is. She believes that she COULDN'T give up the job because jobs are hard to find. Maybe so. But it does present a possible recipe for disaster.
She loves the small team she works with - her office partner is attractive to her. She praises them to her hubby. I guess this happens. They both are nice people. She sees them at work and they are nice because they all have to work together. None of them leave their mess lying around the house to clean up, or fail to put out the garbage, or have to deal with sick children - they are nice! And attractive!
Now possibly already suspicious hubby and her go through one bad patch. (Probably have had more than one - normal in marriages). If the "attractive" one of these nice people is a predator and finds that the poster is attractive to him, this marriage is toast. He will say nice things to her and bad things about her husband, she will agree, she is already attracted to him, and all this becomes very exciting. She even thinks of leaving hubby for attractive office partner. Again all of these things do happen.
Its what happens next that is important. She gets discovered and is asked to leave the job by hubby because in order to repair the marriage, she needs to be away from the predator. But no! She cannot "afford" to leave the job because after all, jobs are hard to find, this pays well, she didn't actually sleep with the guy (maybe just a kiss although she was thinking of leaving hubby anyway) - so no! She will not leave her job. How do you think the marriage is going to end up. Hubby either divorces her immediately or lives in pain and with a lot of resentment for her. She thinks less of her hubby and eventually also wants to divorce him. In any case the financial situation is not going to be good - its going to be worse than it was before. Two homes, split household, divorce expenses etc.
Now if she had left her job, she would only do so if she valued her marriage and family above everything else and really was in love with and wanted to be with her husband. This would give them both a chance to fix an EA. And find a way to manage financially. So all about choices.