Re: Telling People To Quit Their Jobs
It's the recommendation of Dr. Harley of Marriage Builders, who is a licensed therapist who's had success helping recover marriages from PAs and EAs. In his experience, there is no way to recover from infidelity when the WS is still in physical proximity and/or any kind of contact with their affair partner. Of course, if Marriage Builders advice doesn't resonate, there are plenty of other avenues one can take. But he's had success with his plan and in his experience, there is no way around it.
There are many obstacles and roadblocks to recovery. He states his program won't work without that step. Same with his approach to improve marriages by committing to at least 15 hours of 1 on 1 time together. He won't even counsel couples who can't make this happen, and many couples give very good reasons why they can't.
In the end, it simply comes down to priorities. Are you willing to find a new job, even if it pays less, even if it's in an unrelated field, if it could help save your marriage? If a couple decides not to, that's ok. But realize, his plan simply won't work in that case.
Another thought- he said he started his career focusing primarily on couples where one spouse was a pilot. He saw a ton of failed marriages in this industry due to the travel required. This led him to include "no more nights apart" in his recovery plan. Certainly, MANY couples argue that for the sake of their careers, this simply isn't possible. But when you look at the evidence, nights apart contribute to many PAs and pilots have a high rate of divorce. He can't help recover marriages that continue to spend nights apart because it just won't work in most cases.