So it's been 2 weeks - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 146Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #136 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 11:25 PM
Member
 
Prodigal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: My side of the street
Posts: 2,694
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
But didn't I do her a favor by leaving her alone? Is that not what she wanted?
I don't know what she wanted. Neither do you. We aren't gifted with the ability to read minds. I hope you realize you are codependent. Here is how I've approached my own codependency: I have enough problems figuring out my own motivations. That being said, why would I waste a single minute of my time trying to figure out anyone else????

It's over with her. Let it rest. Move on with your own life. Quit focusing on being lonely/alone. If you want to bulk up to feel good about yourself, I think that's great. But I get the feeling it's all about being able to attract women. I'll tell you this in all honesty. The times in my life I've been enjoying myself and not focused whatsoever on the opposite sex was when I had men crawling out of the woodwork! Maybe it's simply because I was enjoying life just for what it is. Something to consider ....


I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
Prodigal is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #137 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:59 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,181
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prodigal View Post
I don't know what she wanted. Neither do you. We aren't gifted with the ability to read minds. I hope you realize you are codependent. Here is how I've approached my own codependency: I have enough problems figuring out my own motivations. That being said, why would I waste a single minute of my time trying to figure out anyone else????

It's over with her. Let it rest. Move on with your own life. Quit focusing on being lonely/alone. If you want to bulk up to feel good about yourself, I think that's great. But I get the feeling it's all about being able to attract women. I'll tell you this in all honesty. The times in my life I've been enjoying myself and not focused whatsoever on the opposite sex was when I had men crawling out of the woodwork! Maybe it's simply because I was enjoying life just for what it is. Something to consider ....
Codependent? You're probably right. It never crossed my mind before but it sounds pretty accurate.

I know it's over. I'm just always seeking to understand everything that I don't understand, thus the question about why she reacted how she did when our paths crossed.

Quit focusing on being alone? How can one do that when it's their reality most of their non-working hours? And I haven't enjoyed life in a long while, although spending time with this woman had made it a little better.
marksaysay is offline  
post #138 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 04:12 PM
Member
 
Prodigal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: My side of the street
Posts: 2,694
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
I'm just always seeking to understand everything that I don't understand, thus the question about why she reacted how she did when our paths crossed.
Yeah, that's pretty much the standard response codependents give. Trying to understand everything you don't understand ... why? Do you have an answer? No. Do you understand the real reasons and motivations for what you do? I doubt it. It's an exercise in futility. It also allows you to focus on things you can't control, because you think if you could only understand other people you would have some type of control over life. Life happens. You can drive yourself nuts and waste a lot of your time just trying to figure out people and situations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
Quit focusing on being alone? How can one do that when it's their reality most of their non-working hours? And I haven't enjoyed life in a long while, although spending time with this woman had made it a little better.
Here's what you can control: Your attitude. Focus on the negative and keep spinning your wheels. That is certainly your right. If you don't enjoy life, then that's where your attitude comes in. If you are stuck in that mindset, your circumstances will remain the same. If you don't enjoy life, then it is simply because you choose not to. Happiness is an inside job. And, quite frankly, your life could be far worse.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
Prodigal is offline  
 
post #139 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:11 PM
Member
 
Prodigal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: My side of the street
Posts: 2,694
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

And, after a great deal of thought, I've decided to add a P.S. to my previous post. You have been given excellent advice. But the pattern remains: You are told to quit feeling sorry for yourself, you don't post for a few days, then you come back whining about your circumstances.

And you make excuses over and over for yourself. Hey, you want to sit on your pity pot, please go right ahead. But people on TAM can only give so much advice. When we have a whiner-in-residence, we generally just check out and wish them well.

So before I add my parting P.S., I want to tell you an episode from my life. I spent three days a month for six months in an infusion center. That's where cancer patients go to get chemo. The staff at the center thought it was funny to turn on the Food Network on the huge flat screen in the waiting room. Those of us who had diarrhea and vomiting to contend with thought it was hilarious. We would sit around talking about all the great food being prepared and reminiscing about some of our favorite meals. Bald men. Bald women. People who knew they might not make it out of there alive after a year. In fact, it sounded like the wildest party you can imagine. People laughing, joking, taking off their wigs. We all had a great time. The highlight of my three days was being able to choose between a turkey or ham sandwich. I also LOVED the therapy dogs who came through to give us a lift. I had my own private cube, complete with TV, intercom, and a nearby bathroom.

It is something I can't explain to anyone other than those who have gone through chemo, but we all learned to enjoy ourselves for what we had. There was a camaraderie. There was a sense of hope. There was a sense of living in the moment and making the best of that moment.

Sorry, marksaysay, but I'm going to check out of your thread. You are a whiney, complaining child. BTW, I went through six months of chemo alone, since my drunk husband couldn't manage to get his act together enough to be there for me. His life. His choice. I'm glad he wasn't there.

I'm no superhero. I'm no saint. But I AM someone who went through some really, really difficult stuff alone. And, by the grace of God, I came out the other end just fine.

Now why don't you just quit feeling sorry for yourself, okay????

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
Prodigal is offline  
post #140 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:28 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 12
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Did you ever stop to think that although your improved physical fitness gets you noticed by what you are classifying as more physically attractive females that it could also have to do with the vibe you are putting out because you are feeling better about yourself. Yes having a physically attractive partner is nice but also consider the old saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Having a true connection would seem to make a person physically more attractive in each others eyes. Remember as someone else pointed out (sorry to original person who posted this I don't remember where I saw it and don't want to go clear back through all these pages) beauty fades it is what is on the inside and the relationship you have with another person. Be careful you aren't picking woman based on their looks, that could be part of your past problems. Yes, that initial attraction from looks should be there but you should also have things in common and like what is on the inside. Look at this woman you are still pining over.... does her personality and how she acts/treats people really warrant your attention in any manner?
laststraw is offline  
post #141 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-19-2017, 07:00 PM
Member
 
NoChoice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 1,370
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

OP,
May I offer a completely unorthodox and possibly insane suggestion. You are 41, I can only assume that she is roughly the same age, give or take a few years. So why not try an absolutely ridiculous approach. Why do you not ask to meet with her and actually discuss what happened in the relationship. Listen to her perspective on where it was going and express to her yours. Ask her why she acted the way she did and explain to her your actions. This dance of "no contact" and ignoring but not really ignoring is quite immature and juvenile.

You should both be adults and adults converse, exchanging information and opinion. The most efficient and accurate way to gain knowledge about someone is to ask them. This "I'm over her" song you are singing has lost its tune. Just ask her what happened and how she feels then act/react accordingly, it is really quite simple, for adults. She may actually find your mature approach refreshing and it will certainly answer some of your questions and relieve your curiosity and need to "over analyze". It would seem you have something to gain and very little to lose in the effort.

Peace and long life
NoChoice is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
2 Weeks into Reconciliation ChipperE Reconciliation 16 02-08-2017 06:10 AM
4 weeks of trying to get her to just talk to me. lostpilot Reconciliation 25 08-04-2016 01:03 PM
Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend Dusty72 Reconciliation 47 06-12-2016 07:10 PM
I've been married 3 weeks and all we do is fight escd General Relationship Discussion 13 06-05-2016 08:40 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome