For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation).
Yeah, and David ended up making sure Uriah was killed (basically implementing his murder) and having sex with Bathsheba. But he was still a man after God's own heart. Depressed? How about seeing a doctor for depression. You might need some medication. Feeling guilty because of wanting a drink on a daily basis? How about "Celebrate Recovery"? Talk to the pastor leading one of the groups in order to keep it strictly confidential.
So it sounds like it's time to explore other venues to hang out in. I hung out in bars in another life. I saw a bunch of regulars come in at 5:00 p.m. on a Friday night. Quiet. Introverted. Not exactly what anyone would call the life of the party. By the time I left at 8:00 p.m.? EVERYBODY was everybody's best friend. Laughing. Ordering drinks for the house. Back slapping. Flirting. The whole thing. But these people went back to what they were at 5:00 p.m. the next day. I found it incredibly depressing. That was in the end of my "fun" times at a bar.
There must be singles groups at other churches in your area. Hey, nothing wrong with going bowling, attending a play, seeing a movie. Whatever
I finally had someone to talk to and spend time with, albeit only when she wanted to, but it was better than none at all. I actually felt like I had something to look forward to and then it was gone. I have dated several women since my divorce and I truly don't have an issue finding someone who wants to date me. The problem is most don't share my faith so I simply dismiss them, being willing to wait for someone who does.
I understand your loneliness. Believe me, I DO. You are looking for a companion who shares your faith. Well, as Joyce Meyer frequently says, she has people come up to her crying, "WHY can't I find someone? WHY???" Then she also has people coming up to her saying, "My spouse is driving me CRAZY! I just want to be alone!!" The grass always looks greener on the other side, doesn't it?
Regardless of your current situation, remember there is someone who is never going to leave or forsake you. How about a simple prayer, asking God to meet you where you are right now? I'm not here to proselytize or argue the pro's and con's of an ultimate higher power. I just know that what has occurred in my own life is nothing short of downright amazing.
Seriously. Get treatment for your depression. Put down the bottle; it won't give you the peace of mind you seek. JMO.