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post #16 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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You want her to initiate contact. You want her to be impressed by your appearance. You want to get back with her. You're about the only one on this thread who doesn't know that.
You're probably right. I've been very tempted to text her, even today, but I thought better against it. A part of me says "she'll text you one of these days" but more of me is starting to say "she can just go to hell"


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You want to prove her wrong because what she thinks about you, matters.
Idk. I think I want to prove her wrong because she's wrong...lol.


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That would naturally follow. Although what you said is not quite accurate. You attract a higher grade of women when you're fit, but you still attract the fat ugly ones too. You just don't notice them.
LMBO!!!

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post #17 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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My frame of thought concerning the church is definitely not in the right place, so thank you for that. Secondly, men are visual creatures. In most cases, the outward appearance is where most men start.
and a lot of marriages end.

Peace and long life
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post #18 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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and a lot of marriages end.
By no means is physical beauty my only criteria when looking for a potential partner, but physical attraction is important, right?
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post #19 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:30 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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This is something a 6 or less would say.
No its something that a person who actually respects people would say. I would never speak about men like that. I have never judged men just on how good looking they are. Its shallow.
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post #20 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:35 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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By no means is physical beauty my only criteria when looking for a potential partner, but physical attraction is important, right?
If you are a Christian the no 1 criteria for you is that any woman you date and marry shares your faith.
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post #21 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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If you are a Christian the no 1 criteria for you is that any woman you date and marry shares your faith.
That IS my number 1 criteria. And it has definitely made finding someone that much harder. I can easily find a date. But I tried dating someone who was not Christian, a few times and it never feels right...AT ALL.
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post #22 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 09:33 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

I had a pastor that always preached that a woman's relationship with Christ should mean much more than looks, followed by personality and how well both of you get along.

Looks fade, body parts sag, hair thins out. If you are both still enjoying together, what does it matter if BOTH your bodies are aging?
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post #23 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:18 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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That IS my number 1 criteria. And it has definitely made finding someone that much harder. I can easily find a date. But I tried dating someone who was not Christian, a few times and it never feels right...AT ALL.
You should try being a female in the church, there are far more women than men.
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post #24 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 05:37 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

OP if you have any chance of finding a relationship you need to truly develop confidence. The way you pine away and obsess about this woman is very telling of your personality. You may pretend you have confidence but I think many would argue the opposite.

Do you think by becoming more fit you are going to teach her a lesson? Do you think she's going to look at you and think how she missed the love boat? After reading your post and getting an idea of how your mind works I would guess you make this woman uncomfortable and her one goal is to have zero interaction with you.

Put a rubber band around your pecker and every time you think of this woman reach down and snap it!! You are obsessing and that is not healthy!
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post #25 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 07:22 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I also began thinking about 3 years ago when I was in the gym a lot. I went from dating 6's & 7's to solid 8's and questionable 9's. I think I'm on to something!
Wait... going to the gym raises your sexual rank? In other news, the sky is blue and grass is green.

Good job OP, the only church you want to make sure you don't ever skip is the church of iron!


“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Last edited by BetrayedDad; 04-03-2017 at 09:33 AM.
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post #26 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:33 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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You should try being a female in the church, there are far more women than men.
That would be a rather extreme course of action and probably irreversible.
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post #27 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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OP if you have any chance of finding a relationship you need to truly develop confidence. The way you pine away and obsess about this woman is very telling of your personality. You may pretend you have confidence but I think many would argue the opposite.
I wouldn't say I'm pining away for her, but I do still think about her at times, though.

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Do you think by becoming more fit you are going to teach her a lesson? Do you think she's going to look at you and think how she missed the love boat? After reading your post and getting an idea of how your mind works I would guess you make this woman uncomfortable and her one goal is to have zero interaction with you.
No, I don't think getting fit will teach her a lesson. I do think it has done wonders for my confidence and that added confidence is going to help dispell her idea that she's the best thing I could ever or will ever have (that's kinda the attitude she had at the end). In terms of making her uncomfortable, I'm not sure about that. I mean, our last date required us to drive 1 1/2 hours away. I think her lack of interest or loss of interest is a combination of a lot of things, some I could control and some I couldn't.

Last edited by marksaysay; 04-03-2017 at 10:06 AM.
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post #28 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Good job OP, the only church you want to make sure you don't ever skip is the church of iron!
The more comments I see regarding my reason for skipping church, the more ridiculous it starts to sound!
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post #29 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 06:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

So in order for some of you to gain a better understanding of my situation, I've decided to be a little more transparent about what's been really going on. It feels weird doing so on a forum full of complete strangers but I've shared so much over the years so I guess you should know the rest.

For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation). I work 12 hrs days, 5 days a week and I just want to go do nothing after work. I now go to the gym after work but then back home. On my off days, I'm a private baseball instructor (I was once a professional player).

There's not many constructive avenues of entertainment after 8:00 or 9:00 pm so I go home. Due to my divorce, I live 1,000+ miles from my closest family member only to stay close to my only child who still lives in my town. I've gone out at times, but the venue choices are not the places a "minister" should frequent, so after a while I feel guilty and stop.

I am well aware that I've spent way too much time dwelling on this girl, but when you do nothing but sit at home most of the time, it offers ample time for your mind to wonder. I'm currently seeing a therapist but I have yet to come up with a healthy solution to the extreme loneliness I feel daily.

So in other words, the fact that I have no life and no social outlet contributes to the clinginess I displayed with my most recent lady friend. I finally had someone to talk to and spend time with, albeit only when she wanted to, but it was better than none at all. I actually felt like I had something to look forward to and then it was gone. I have dated several women since my divorce and I truly don't have an issue finding someone who wants to date me. The problem is most don't share my faith so I simply dismiss them, being willing to wait for someone who does.

So now you know the whole story!!!

Last edited by marksaysay; 04-03-2017 at 07:01 PM.
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post #30 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 07:49 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation).
Yeah, and David ended up making sure Uriah was killed (basically implementing his murder) and having sex with Bathsheba. But he was still a man after God's own heart. Depressed? How about seeing a doctor for depression. You might need some medication. Feeling guilty because of wanting a drink on a daily basis? How about "Celebrate Recovery"? Talk to the pastor leading one of the groups in order to keep it strictly confidential.

So it sounds like it's time to explore other venues to hang out in. I hung out in bars in another life. I saw a bunch of regulars come in at 5:00 p.m. on a Friday night. Quiet. Introverted. Not exactly what anyone would call the life of the party. By the time I left at 8:00 p.m.? EVERYBODY was everybody's best friend. Laughing. Ordering drinks for the house. Back slapping. Flirting. The whole thing. But these people went back to what they were at 5:00 p.m. the next day. I found it incredibly depressing. That was in the end of my "fun" times at a bar.

There must be singles groups at other churches in your area. Hey, nothing wrong with going bowling, attending a play, seeing a movie. Whatever

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I finally had someone to talk to and spend time with, albeit only when she wanted to, but it was better than none at all. I actually felt like I had something to look forward to and then it was gone. I have dated several women since my divorce and I truly don't have an issue finding someone who wants to date me. The problem is most don't share my faith so I simply dismiss them, being willing to wait for someone who does.
I understand your loneliness. Believe me, I DO. You are looking for a companion who shares your faith. Well, as Joyce Meyer frequently says, she has people come up to her crying, "WHY can't I find someone? WHY???" Then she also has people coming up to her saying, "My spouse is driving me CRAZY! I just want to be alone!!" The grass always looks greener on the other side, doesn't it?

Regardless of your current situation, remember there is someone who is never going to leave or forsake you. How about a simple prayer, asking God to meet you where you are right now? I'm not here to proselytize or argue the pro's and con's of an ultimate higher power. I just know that what has occurred in my own life is nothing short of downright amazing.

Seriously. Get treatment for your depression. Put down the bottle; it won't give you the peace of mind you seek. JMO.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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