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post #31 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:04 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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So in order for some of you to gain a better understanding of my situation, I've decided to be a little more transparent about what's been really going on. It feels weird doing so on a forum full of complete strangers but I've shared so much over the years so I guess you should know the rest.

For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation). I work 12 hrs days, 5 days a week and I just want to go do nothing after work. I now go to the gym after work but then back home. On my off days, I'm a private baseball instructor (I was once a professional player).

There's not many constructive avenues of entertainment after 8:00 or 9:00 pm so I go home. Due to my divorce, I live 1,000+ miles from my closest family member only to stay close to my only child who still lives in my town. I've gone out at times, but the venue choices are not the places a "minister" should frequent, so after a while I feel guilty and stop.

I am well aware that I've spent way too much time dwelling on this girl, but when you do nothing but sit at home most of the time, it offers ample time for your mind to wonder. I'm currently seeing a therapist but I have yet to come up with a healthy solution to the extreme loneliness I feel daily.

So in other words, the fact that I have no life and no social outlet contributes to the clinginess I displayed with my most recent lady friend. I finally had someone to talk to and spend time with, albeit only when she wanted to, but it was better than none at all. I actually felt like I had something to look forward to and then it was gone. I have dated several women since my divorce and I truly don't have an issue finding someone who wants to date me. The problem is most don't share my faith so I simply dismiss them, being willing to wait for someone who does.

So now you know the whole story!!!
Ah, okay, this makes more sense now. That could be why you invested so much emotionally into this one woman at your church. I think you should pray about it, and really let God direct your life, since you are a believer. And maybe, if/when you continue dating, just enjoy the experience and don't over analyze. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, that you'll find a better sense of peace in all of this.


Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

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post #32 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:14 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Is it that hard to find Christian women to date in your town or do you require a specific denomination?

Btw, i get the obsession over this woman. Went through it myself for much longer than you.

But the posters are right. It does get better with time.
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post #33 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 08:20 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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This is something a 6 or less would say.
And that is something a male who can only "pull" 6's or less would say ... or a misogynist.
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post #34 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Cmon, that was a pretty funny comment stixx had there. Don't be do thin skinned.

It was a JOKE!
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post #35 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:27 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

It is a sad commentary on your church (or perhaps the Church in general) that you are lacking connection. Connection is what the Christian life is all about, but somehow the emphasis is not where it should be, which should be bringing people together in loving relationships.

It sounds like you don't have any friends. That is not healthy. You need friends. People you can be transparent with and enjoy spending time with. Don't you have friendships with other ministers? In my city, a lot of the pastors get together for coffee and prayer.

Quite frankly, this isolation is extremely unhealthy and you should make it a priority to do something about it. Join something that gets you out of the house. Make it a priority. There are basketball leagues, baseball leagues, etc.

Get some guys together and go play pool or darts. I know you don't feel comfortable in bars and I do understand that people notice their pastor at a bar, but if that happens, go say hi and don't be shy about it. I am not a pastor, but I'm a serious Christian. I often hang out in a local bar to sing karaoke. I drink whiskey. So far, I haven't been struck by lightening and my Christian friends are still my friends and prayer partners.


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post #36 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:34 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Wait a minute.... You work at the church as a minister, but you haven't been to church in two weeks? Is that what you said?


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post #37 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:41 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Cmon, that was a pretty funny comment stixx had there. Don't be do thin skinned.

It was a JOKE!
Really? What was funny about it?
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post #38 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Aren't there things going on at your church during the week? How about a men's group? My husband had just started one up at our church because there isn't one. As an ordained minister cant you do that? Most churches have midweek evening fellowship groups as well. How about you do some voluntary with in the evenings if that is a hard time for you? Ask your church if there is anything that needs doing there.

I am guessing that you are more of an extrovert? I am more of an introvert and if I had worked for 12 hours I would be more than glad to come home and chill out on my own.
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post #39 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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And that is something a male who can only "pull" 6's or less would say ... or a misogynist.
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post #40 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:52 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Really? What was funny about it?


Ignore him. Everyone knows the female Tammers are at least solid 8s or questionable 9s.

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post #41 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Wait a minute.... You work at the church as a minister, but you haven't been to church in two weeks? Is that what you said?
I agree that the isolation is unhealthy. I've recently gone out a few more days than normal. It's just that 7 a.m. comes earlier than it use to...lol. The leagues all start around 6. I work til 8 everyday. On my off days, I'm gIving baseball lessons usually until 7 or 8. Yeah. I work...A LOT!

And I don't work at the church. I'm a minister, not a pastor. I don't have any type of paid position. I've also made no claims to have had it all together. Not once!

Last edited by marksaysay; 04-03-2017 at 10:01 PM.
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post #42 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 10:24 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Ignore him. Everyone knows the female Tammers are at least solid 8s or questionable 9s.
Well according to my husband I am a 10, and his is the only opinion I care about.
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post #43 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Get some guys together and go play pool or darts. I know you don't feel comfortable in bars and I do understand that people notice their pastor at a bar, but if that happens, go say hi and don't be shy about it. I am not a pastor, but I'm a serious Christian. I often hang out in a local bar to sing karaoke. I drink whiskey. So far, I haven't been struck by lightening and my Christian friends are still my friends and prayer partners.
I've gone that route before. I can only do it for so long before a variety of temptations for old habits resurface. It's a catch 22.
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post #44 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:30 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I've gone that route before. I can only do it for so long before a variety of temptations for old habits resurface. It's a catch 22.
It makes sense that you want to avoid temptation. But my point is that there are a variety of things to do. You don't have to be isolated. Just be yourself and find some real friends. Have you prayed and asked the Lord to convict you of what you need to do in order to find and build some solid relationships? I know it can be difficult, but it is entirely worth the effort. I seriously don't know what I would do without my friends.


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post #45 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 11:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

I've always kept a super small circle. Up until 6 yes ago, I had a family. Since then, I've felt like an outcast. I can try to enjoy life by going out more but it always leads to somewhere else. I either resort to old habits or I resort to old habits...lol. None of them are good!
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