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post #46 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:03 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I've always kept a super small circle. Up until 6 yes ago, I had a family. Since then, I've felt like an outcast. I can try to enjoy life by going out more but it always leads to somewhere else. I either resort to old habits or I resort to old habits...lol. None of them are good!
This is something you can resolve. Don't you believe in regeneration?! You walk this through in prayer and let go of things that are holding you back from being who you were created to be and doing what you were created to do. You clearly were not created for isolation. Ask the Lord to convict you of what you need to do here. You need freedom.


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post #47 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:27 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I've gone that route before. I can only do it for so long before a variety of temptations for old habits resurface. It's a catch 22.
Do you not have male friends at your church? Get some together and go and eat or go bowling. Doesn't your church have men's groups? Or midweek fellowship groups? You wont make friends unless you make the effort.
We have recently moved across the country to where we knew no one. We found a friendly church and are gradually getting to know the people there. I have a good women's group and my husband has started a mens group, and he also joined an even midweek group. Thats how to get to know people in your church, you have to make that effort.

Last edited by Diana7; 04-04-2017 at 03:33 AM.
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post #48 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 06:08 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

You are going to struggle to find a woman who will want 100% of your social life to depend on her.

At least not a fully healthy one at any rate...

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #49 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 07:43 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Do you not have male friends at your church? Get some together and go and eat or go bowling. Doesn't your church have men's groups? Or midweek fellowship groups? You wont make friends unless you make the effort.
We have recently moved across the country to where we knew no one. We found a friendly church and arye gradually getting to know the people there. I have a good women's group and my husband has started a mens group, and he also joined an even midweek group. Thats how to get to know people in your church, you have to make that effort.
I'm friendly with everyone, I just have no time. I'm usually working until 8 pm every night. That's too late to join any leagues. Wednesday is my early night out so i go to bible study when i don't get stuck working. The men's group meets on Saturday mornings when I'm working. Sundays, it's church, then off to my baseball lessons.

I go out to eat often but usually by myself after working out. I tried softball last year but it wasn't fun with just 5 teams and only 2 were competitive. I use to do a lot when I was married and had 8-5 job. Now, all I do is work, work, work. 7 days a week. It's been that way for atleast 2-3 years straight and probably most of the last 6 years.
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post #50 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 08:05 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Ah, okay, this makes more sense now. That could be why you invested so much emotionally into this one woman at your church.
Yeah. I finally for once felt like I'd made a good choice.

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I think you should pray about it, and really let God direct your life, since you are a believer.
Admittedly, I struggle just praying at all.
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post #51 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 08:37 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Yeah. I finally for once felt like I'd made a good choice.



Admittedly, I struggle just praying at all.
When you pray, what percentage is spent talking, and what percent is spent listening?

Do you drive with your stereo off?

Do you allocate time to just be still and listen?

I asked all of this because I am terrible at each of these things, yet when I actually am deliberate about them, I hear Him a lot more clearly.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #52 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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When you pray, what percentage is spent talking, and what percent is spent listening?

Do you drive with your stereo off?

Do you allocate time to just be still and listen?

I asked all of this because I am terrible at each of these things, yet when I actually am deliberate about them, I hear Him a lot more clearly.
Man, at the end of the day, all I have is tons of idle time. I use to pray quite frequently along with regular bible study. When you have nothing else to do, you get tired of doing that.
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post #53 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:52 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I work 12 hrs days, 5 days a week and I just want to go do nothing after work. I now go to the gym after work but then back home. On my off days, I'm a private baseball instructor (I was once a professional player).

There's not many constructive avenues of entertainment after 8:00 or 9:00 pm so I go home. Due to my divorce, I live 1,000+ miles from my closest family member only to stay close to my only child who still lives in my town. I've gone out at times, but the venue choices are not the places a "minister" should frequent, so after a while I feel guilty and stop.
Why are you working so much? This gives no time for relationships. It's not healthy. What days do you have off?

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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #54 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 10:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Why are you working so much? This gives no time for relationships. It's not healthy. What days do you have off?
I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.
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post #55 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 10:23 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.
There is no balance in your life. You don't have a prayer life or daily devotional time, yet you are a minister. You are leading an extremely unhealthy life. You don't need a girlfriend, you need to reassess your situation and make some changes in order to have a healthy balance in your life.

You are not supposed to minister from your own strength, but if you are not in relationship with the Lord, how can he empower you to minister? Ministry comes from the move of the Holy Spirit through you, but if you aren't connecting to the power source, you are trying to do it of your own and that is not really ministry at all. Talk to your pastor about this. Ask for help.

No wonder you are feeling needy and obsessing over the woman you were dating. You are looking to her to fulfill a place that you are not not properly nurturing in your own life. That makes you a poor choice for any healthy woman. She can't be your power source.


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post #56 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 10:41 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.
I would try to get a coaching job on a women's baseball team. An older women's team, of course. Or at least go to their games and "Root" them on.

You cannot get wet if you insist on living in the desert.

Go on Christian Mingling or whatever that website is for meeting other Christians.
.................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................

Cut back on your freakin' other activities. Run the woods with your nose down. Be out there where females can see you.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #57 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 10:56 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

OP,
Another consideration is your inflexibility regarding any woman meeting your "faith" requirements. There are many good women out there that may not ascribe to your exact belief system. Perhaps if you broadened your options somewhat. I have found that there are good people in all areas of "faith". Limiting your selection to one faith may indeed cut your chances of meeting a really nice woman. Just something to ponder.

Peace and long life
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post #58 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:31 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Man, at the end of the day, all I have is tons of idle time. I use to pray quite frequently along with regular bible study. When you have nothing else to do, you get tired of doing that.


How do you tons of idle time when you work so much? That doesn't make sense.
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post #59 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:40 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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How do you tons of idle time when you work so much? That doesn't make sense.
When I get off work @ 8, I go workout until 9ish, and then it's me and my apartment until I fall asleep, usually midnight or 1 am. That's how my nonworking hours are spent. I once spent most of that time either reading and studying the bible, in prayer, or working on my piano skills. After doing this for the better part of 6 years, I've lost even a desire to do those things and I use to love doing them all.
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post #60 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:44 AM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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When I get off work @ 8, I go workout until 9ish, and then it's me and my apartment until I fall asleep, usually midnight or 1 am. That's how my nonworking hours are spent. I once spent most of that time either reading and studying the bible, in prayer, or working on my piano skills. After doing this for the better part of 6 years, I've lost even a desire to do those things and I use to love doing them all.
This is because you do not have anyone close to you. This is loneliness. This is a lack of balance and a lack of deep connection. You are on the road to disaster if you don't change this situation. If you are trying to find a way to make this work, you are wasting your time. It doesn't work. You have found that out.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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