So it's been 2 weeks - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 167Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:44 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
There is no balance in your life. You don't have a prayer life or daily devotional time, yet you are a minister. You are leading an extremely unhealthy life. You don't need a girlfriend, you need to reassess your situation and make some changes in order to have a healthy balance in your life.
Yeah. There really isn't any balance, really. I work. And that's it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You are not supposed to minister from your own strength, but if you are not in relationship with the Lord, how can he empower you to minister? Ministry comes from the move of the Holy Spirit through you, but if you aren't connecting to the power source, you are trying to do it of your own and that is not really ministry at all. Talk to your pastor about this. Ask for help.
Ministry? I just want to feel alive. Most of the time, when I'm not working, I just feel like I simply exist. That's it. I exist.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
No wonder you are feeling needy and obsessing over the woman you were dating. You are looking to her to fulfill a place that you are not not properly nurturing in your own life. That makes you a poor choice for any healthy woman. She can't be your power source.
I agree!

marksaysay is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:47 AM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,873
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
There is no balance in your life. You don't have a prayer life or daily devotional time, yet you are a minister. You are leading an extremely unhealthy life. You don't need a girlfriend, you need to reassess your situation and make some changes in order to have a healthy balance in your life.

You are not supposed to minister from your own strength, but if you are not in relationship with the Lord, how can he empower you to minister? Ministry comes from the move of the Holy Spirit through you, but if you aren't connecting to the power source, you are trying to do it of your own and that is not really ministry at all. Talk to your pastor about this. Ask for help.

No wonder you are feeling needy and obsessing over the woman you were dating. You are looking to her to fulfill a place that you are not not properly nurturing in your own life. That makes you a poor choice for any healthy woman. She can't be your power source.
QFT.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is online now  
post #63 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 11:57 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
This is because you do not have anyone close to you. This is loneliness. This is a lack of balance and a lack of deep connection. You are on the road to disaster if you don't change this situation. If you are trying to find a way to make this work, you are wasting your time. It doesn't work. You have found that out.
Yeah. It sucks having no one. I am extremely lonely most of the time. I don't know how to fix it or I would have done it long ago. The ways I've tried to fix it only lead me to doing things that I feel guilty about, i.e., going to bars & clubs regularly (they're the only social outlets available after 9 pm), drinking excessively, giving in to sexual desires with women I know aren't right for me, and the list goes on. So to prevent me from doing those things, I just stay home.
marksaysay is offline  
 
post #64 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:00 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 496
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

You have to go to church for the right reasons. If you don't, you won't grow spiritually.

Last edited by Luvher4life; 04-04-2017 at 12:08 PM.
Luvher4life is offline  
post #65 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:00 PM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,873
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

How much sleep do you get each night?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is online now  
post #66 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
How much sleep do you get each night?
6 or 7 hours. Sometimes less because I usually wake up in the middle of the night. Then it takes a while to get back to sleep.
marksaysay is offline  
post #67 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:38 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,549
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
Yeah. It sucks having no one. I am extremely lonely most of the time. I don't know how to fix it or I would have done it long ago. The ways I've tried to fix it only lead me to doing things that I feel guilty about, i.e., going to bars & clubs regularly (they're the only social outlets available after 9 pm), drinking excessively, giving in to sexual desires with women I know aren't right for me, and the list goes on. So to prevent me from doing those things, I just stay home.
You fix it by not working so many hours, spending time daily in the Word and prayer, making deep connections, etc. If your current position doesn't allow for that, it is time to find something else. God did not call you to have an unbalanced life devoid of deep connection and not empowered by the Holy Spirit through a vibrant spiritual life. What you are currently doing is not biblical or healthy.

The way you are living is unsustainable. You are already in the crash phase. You cannot work seven days a week and have no deep relationships and be a healthy person. You were not designed to operate that way. You are trying to operate outside of your design perimeters. Find a new position, even if it's outside of ministry. And stop working seven days a week. You need a day of rest.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #68 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You fix it by not working so many hours, spending time daily in the Word and prayer, making deep connections, etc. If your current position doesn't allow for that, it is time to find something else. God did not call you to have an unbalanced life devoid of deep connection and not empowered by the Holy Spirit through a vibrant spiritual life. What you are currently doing is not biblical or healthy.
Unfortunately, there's not much I can do about my work schedule right now. My current "regular" 50+ hr a wk job provides me with a car because I currently don't have one. I could probably stop giving baseball lessons to free up Thursday and Sunday nights, but the extra cash helps. I am also aware that my faith has been severely compromised. I've been in the place where I'm at for quite a while now, with no end seemingly in sight. I've come to just accept it, I guess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
The way you are living is unsustainable. You are already in the crash phase. You cannot work seven days a week and have no deep relationships and be a healthy person. You were not designed to operate that way. You are trying to operate outside of your design perimeters. Find a new position, even if it's outside of ministry. And stop working seven days a week. You need a day of rest.
Unsustainable? Crash phase? I don't know. I am tired of feeling the way I feel, though.
marksaysay is offline  
post #69 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:46 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,549
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post

Unsustainable? Crash phase? I don't know. I am tired of feeling the way I feel, though.
Yes. Seriously unsustainable. You no longer have a spiritual life. You are exhausted, lonely, and sad. This is not working for you on any level. You are trying to find a woman who will solve your problems, but that is not the answer. Your problem has nothing to do with being single. You couldn't maintain a healthy relationship with your current schedule anyway.

You are working yourself to the bone, but you cannot even afford a car? What?! I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. I do not understand how you think that this is okay. You are not trapped in your current life. There are options, but you have to find them. Seek and you will find. Ask expecting the answer and you will find what you need.

You should not be in ministry in your current condition.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #70 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You no longer have a spiritual life. You are exhausted, lonely, and sad. This is not working for you on any level.
That pretty accurately sums it up!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You are trying to find a woman who will solve your problems, but that is not the answer. Your problem has nothing to do with being single. You couldn't maintain a healthy relationship with your current schedule anyway.
I wasn't looking for a girl when this recent "relationship" or whatever it was developed. It just kinda happened. And, no, it's not about being single. It's about being lonely.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You are working yourself to the bone, but you cannot even afford a car? What?! I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous.
I agree but there are a number of factors that go into the "why". A huge part is that I hate being at home so I pretty much eat out every day, usually a couple of times a day. Can't save much money that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
You should not be in ministry in your current condition.
While I may have the title of "minister", I wouldn't consider myself to be active. I attend church, but I'm not very active in any ministry due to my work schedule AND my state of mind. I agree I may not be in a healthy mental state but if I knew how to change it, I'd have done it long ago.

marksaysay is offline  
post #71 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:32 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,549
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post

While I may have the title of "minister", I wouldn't consider myself to be active. I attend church, but I'm not very active in any ministry due to my work schedule AND my state of mind. I agree I may not be in a healthy mental state but if I knew how to change it, I'd have done it long ago.
I'm confused. Do you work for the church?

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #72 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
I'm confused. Do you work for the church?
No. I have a sales job. I'm a licensed minister but I don't hold any type of paid position at my church. The best way to describe my role may be as an apprentice to the pastor.
marksaysay is offline  
post #73 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:50 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,549
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
No. I have a sales job. I'm a licensed minister but I don't hold any type of paid position at my church. The best way to describe my role may be as an apprentice to the pastor.
Okay. I misunderstood. I thought you were in ministry as your career.

The weather is about to improve. You could start taking lunch to a park and eat there when the weather is good.

My recommendation:
#1 Get in the Word and prayer daily whether you feel like it or not.
#2 Start saving for a car. Make a budget and stick to it. Once you have a car, it will give you a lot more options. This should happen within 12 months.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #74 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,183
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
Okay. I misunderstood. I thought you were in ministry as your career.

The weather is about to improve. You could start taking lunch to a park and eat there when the weather is good.

My recommendation:
#1 Get in the Word and prayer daily whether you feel like it or not.
#2 Start saving for a car. Make a budget and stick to it. Once you have a car, it will give you a lot more options. This should happen within 12 months.
12 months? I don't even look past today, much less a year from today. I guess I'm really more messed up than I thought!
marksaysay is offline  
post #75 of 150 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:05 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,549
Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Quote:
Originally Posted by marksaysay View Post
12 months? I don't even look past today, much less a year from today. I guess I'm really more messed up than I thought!
Recognizing the severity of the problem is a necessary first step. Yes, you need to make a plan on how you are going to resolve this dilemma you are currently in. Not buying coffee out, but bringing a thermos, packing a lunch and finding a nice place to eat it, whatever else you can think of to bring down expenses are all going to help you get out of this rut you are in and to gain balance and health in your life.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
2 Weeks into Reconciliation ChipperE Reconciliation 16 02-08-2017 06:10 AM
4 weeks of trying to get her to just talk to me. lostpilot Reconciliation 25 08-04-2016 01:03 PM
Divorced for 6 weeks Ex Wife initiating contact although she has a new boyfriend Dusty72 Reconciliation 47 06-12-2016 07:10 PM
I've been married 3 weeks and all we do is fight escd General Relationship Discussion 13 06-05-2016 08:40 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome