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post #121 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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lol Just because they are interested in his muscles doesn't mean they are only interested in his muscles. If a man is serious about his faith and has the fruit of the Spirit, adding in some good muscle mass isn't going to hurt him on the attraction scale. Especially where it shows that a man takes good care of himself. I would say that physical condition is an important factor in determining whether someone would make a good mate.
I would have to agree. Being in better physical condition definitely adds to ones attractiveness. While I've definitely been recieving a lot more attention recently, it doesn't mean I've changed criteria for any potential love interest. It has only seemed to give me more options to choose from.

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post #122 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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lol Just because they are interested in his muscles doesn't mean they are only interested in his muscles. If a man is serious about his faith and has the fruit of the Spirit, adding in some good muscle mass isn't going to hurt him on the attraction scale. Especially where it shows that a man takes good care of himself. I would say that physical condition is an important factor in determining whether someone would make a good mate.
I have never been attracted to muscly men so I cant agree or disagree. I like a healthy man, but the fact that a guy spends many hours at the gym building up his muscles would actually put me off.
For me its a mans character and integrity that matter the most. Maybe spend as much time building up your spiritual muscles as well. It will be worth it if you meet a godly lady.

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post #123 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I would have to agree. Being in better physical condition definitely adds to ones attractiveness. While I've definitely been recieving a lot more attention recently, it doesn't mean I've changed criteria for any potential love interest. It has only seemed to give me more options to choose from.
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I have never been attracted to muscly men so I cant agree or disagree. I like a healthy man, but the fact that a guy spends many hours at the gym building up his muscles would actually put me off.
For me its a mans character and integrity that matter the most. Maybe spend as much time building up your spiritual muscles as well. It will be worth it if you meet a godly lady.
It doesn't matter if either of us are attracted to Marksaysay's muscles. Neither of us are candidates for having a relationship with him. The point is that he has become more attractive to women who may be relationship material and that is what counts for him. There is nothing wrong with working out. I consider it a necessity.

If I were single and looking for a husband, I would not be looking for a man who didn't take care of himself. Even at my age (in my 50's) I would not consider a man who didn't obviously have a fit body. If you don't take care of your body it's not going to take care of you. It is the temple we have been given to serve the Lord and we are charged with caring for it properly. If that means obvious muscle definition I'd consider that a plus and I'm not alone in that thinking.

It is not ungodly to find someone physically attractive and that being part of why someone is drawn to another person. It is part of being a human to find certain physical traits attractive. We are designed that way. You, Diana7, may not care about the physical aspects, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter to others or that it is wrong for it to matter to others. If Marksaysay feels better about himself when he is fit and muscular, then I say it's good to continue, but I hope he makes this a lifelong habit and not just a bait on the hook to be cast aside when he finds a woman.

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post #124 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:22 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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It doesn't matter if either of us are attracted to Marksaysay's muscles. Neither of us are candidates for having a relationship with him. The point is that he has become more attractive to women who may be relationship material and that is what counts for him. There is nothing wrong with working out. I consider it a necessity.

If I were single and looking for a husband, I would not be looking for a man who didn't take care of himself. Even at my age (in my 50's) I would not consider a man who didn't obviously have a fit body. If you don't take care of your body it's not going to take care of you. It is the temple we have been given to serve the Lord and we are charged with caring for it properly. If that means obvious muscle definition I'd consider that a plus and I'm not alone in that thinking.

It is not ungodly to find someone physically attractive and that being part of why someone is drawn to another person. It is part of being a human to find certain physical traits attractive. We are designed that way. You, Diana7, may not care about the physical aspects, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter to others or that it is wrong for it to matter to others. If Marksaysay feels better about himself when he is fit and muscular, then I say it's good to continue, but I hope he makes this a lifelong habit and not just a bait on the hook to be cast aside when he finds a woman.
As I said its good to be healthy and keep fit. Its also important that there is an attraction between people, but for me a mans faith and character and integrity are what will keep a marriage strong. We will all age and get wrinkles and go grey and many men will go bald, its what inside us in the end that matters.
Looks fade, good character doesn't.
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post #125 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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If Marksaysay feels better about himself when he is fit and muscular, then I say it's good to continue, but I hope he makes this a lifelong habit and not just a bait on the hook to be cast aside when he finds a woman.
ABSOLUTELY!!! Had a few people comment today about how my clothes have started to fit differently. It definitely doesn't hurt when others start recognizing your hard work.

Fit men are naturally more attractive, I'm sure, than ones who are not. And I'm 41. I'm not looking to just hook up with women for the heck of it. If I can't see any long-term potential upfront, I pass. Over the last 3-4 yrs, I've grown to be much more selective. At times, I've thought too selective, but can one really be too selective?
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post #126 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:12 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

Can anyone be too selective? answer: Yes. No one is perfect, but there could be someone perfect for you. People can get petty when they are afraid of making a wrong choice. Instead it is right to love freely, but to guard the heart. When we guard our heart, but love freely fear is not such an issue.

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post #127 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:21 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

I have read through this whole thread and was amazed at the fact no one pointed out the fact you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on enjoying life and helping others. Working out helps you learn to love yourself again and the compliments help your confidence, helping others will help sooth you. You come to realize no matter where you are in life there is always someone better off (whether it be financially, in relationships, looking, healthy, etc) and there is also those worse off than you. For those casting stones they should remember everyone is human and you have said you don't want that.... we are all sinners. We are to strive not to sin no where does it say we are to be perfect and never mess up. You sound like you regret the ways you have handled things in the past and are striving to find your way back to the right path. Instead of being berated for your mistakes you should be congratulated for recognizing the wrongs and trying to get your life back on path. That being said the rating of people (men or women) is degrading for both. Yes there has to be an attraction but who decided there should be a grading system??? I understand a lot of people do it but does that make it right? Sounds more like you are picking out a piece of meat than a connection with someone, is that the way you wanted to be treated? It may make your ego feel good but that leads to being egotistical. The only person that you need to impress is yourself with your actions and your relationship with yourself and your faith. Start there and see where the path leads you.... you may find yourself pleasantly surprised
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post #128 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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I have read through this whole thread and was amazed at the fact no one pointed out the fact you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on enjoying life and helping others. Working out helps you learn to love yourself again and the compliments help your confidence, helping others will help sooth you. You come to realize no matter where you are in life there is always someone better off (whether it be financially, in relationships, looking, healthy, etc) and there is also those worse off than you.
Yeah. I'm working on this. Going to the gym has definitely helped.


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For those casting stones they should remember everyone is human and you have said you don't want that.... we are all sinners. We are to strive not to sin no where does it say we are to be perfect and never mess up. You sound like you regret the ways you have handled things in the past and are striving to find your way back to the right path. Instead of being berated for your mistakes you should be congratulated for recognizing the wrongs and trying to get your life back on path.
Thank you for understanding. I know I've messed up in a number of different areas and I've acknowledged that. I've got work to do to revive the spiritual fervor I once had.

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That being said the rating of people (men or women) is degrading for both. Yes there has to be an attraction but who decided there should be a grading system??? I understand a lot of people do it but does that make it right? Sounds more like you are picking out a piece of meat than a connection with someone, is that the way you wanted to be treated? It may make your ego feel good but that leads to being egotistical.
I was actually trying to be humorous regarding the rating system but I was serious about the fact that when I'm physically fit, the quality of women that approach me are definitely more physically attractive than what I normally get. There is a correlation, I'm convinced, with my working out. And honestly, who wouldn't want to have a physically attractive love interest?


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The only person that you need to impress is yourself with your actions and your relationship with yourself and your faith. Start there and see where the path leads you.... you may find yourself pleasantly surprised
I couldn't agree more!!!
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post #129 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

I will have to admit running into her on Monday didn't really bother me as much as her reaction did. I didn't expect she would be excited to see me. I also didn't expect she would ignore me.

I know. I shouldn't be bothered either way. I have a bad habit of overanalyzing things and trying to interpret every thing. I've got to work on that.
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post #130 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 06:39 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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It's now been 2 weeks since I finally went NC with a girl who was just stringing me along for about 4 months. I know...everybody told me but I didn't listen. We go to the same church so we'll bump into each other ocassionally but I won't initiate anything.

I haven't gone to the church the last two weeks for a couple of reasons. The first reason is I just wanted some time to kinda gather my bearing. But here's the real reason. Since other people have began commenting about my physical changes due to recently restarting my workout plan, I know it's starting to show. The next time I see her, I want to make sure there are some noticeable changes. Noticeable ones...lol

I also began thinking about 3 years ago when I was in the gym a lot. I went from dating 6's & 7's to solid 8's and questionable 9's. I think I'm on to something!

Seriously??

I can't believe there's a 2nd thread about her, already.

Sorry, but the fact that you're trying to impress her shows you're not over her, otherwise you would've simply ignored her and would do things for your own pleasure.

Why still care about her?
You're giving her more importance than she deserves to have.

ETA: also, x2 what @laststraw pointed out.
You lack self-confidence and you're trying to get it from others by force. Just keep yourself healthy for your own benefit before thinking what others think of you when they see you.


Davelli0331: If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.

Last edited by lovelygirl; 04-12-2017 at 06:43 PM.
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post #131 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 07:31 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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. I also didn't expect she would ignore me.

t.


What did you expect?

I've run into my twice and each time I've ignored him. We didn't end things on a positive note, and I don't like being a hypocrite. He's a stranger.

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.

I know. I shouldn't be bothered either way. I have a bad habit of overanalyzing things and trying to interpret every thing. I've got to work on that.

I agree.
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post #132 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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What did you expect?

I've run into my twice and each time I've ignored him. We didn't end things on a positive note, and I don't like being a hypocrite. He's a stranger.
Idk. I'm the one that abruptly and without warning stopped communication, so I guess I shouldn't expect anything less. It's just the fact that her actions showed I wasn't valued so I had to do it.

I know that's a whole different subject regarding what I did wrong. But didn't I do her a favor by leaving her alone? Is that not what she wanted?
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post #133 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:29 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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Idk. I'm the one that abruptly and without warning stopped communication, so I guess I shouldn't expect anything less. It's just the fact that her actions showed I wasn't valued so I had to do it.

I know that's a whole different subject regarding what I did wrong. But didn't I do her a favor by leaving her alone? Is that not what she wanted?
After you abruptly stopped communication, did she contact you again? Or did she just not bother contacting you after you stopped contacting her?

If she wanted you to leave her alone and you did, that's not doing her a favor. That's respecting her boundaries.

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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #134 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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After you abruptly stopped communication, did she contact you again? Or did she just not bother contacting you after you stopped contacting her?

If she wanted you to leave her alone and you did, that's not doing her a favor. That's respecting her boundaries.
She didn't bother. And boundaries? When were those established? Not that it matters.
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post #135 of 141 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:53 PM
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Re: So it's been 2 weeks

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She didn't bother. And boundaries? When were those established? Not that it matters.
So that means you both abruptly ended communication. It was mutual. If she wanted to hear from you, she would have contacted you.

As far as boundaries, if someone wants you to leave them alone, doing so isn't doing them a favor, it is respecting their boundaries.

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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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