Anybody got time to read this novel?
I need advice from men and women. I'll try to be brief lol.
I used to be a big time player. Hung out with many women. Then I met my wife. I had problems giving up that lifestyle and I broke her trust. While I did not physically cheat on her, I was speaking to other women behind her back and came close to physically cheating. I repeated this pattern of behavior for a couple years and I changed her as a person and our relationship. I am 100 percent guilty and acknowledge what I did.
I have since married her and left that life behind. I hope to have a family with her. But she is not the same person. I can't blame her, but I want the woman I love back, I just hope she's not gone forever. She used to be this sexual goddess, she used to be up for whatever, she used to be open about it and used to just crave sex, we couldn't keep our hands off each other and we did freaky stuff.
When she found out what I was doing behind her back, our sex life slowed. That wasn't the main reason, I was also working a high stress job and put on 40 pounds. I had a hard time keeping erections and my blood pressure was high, I was in my late 20s. She stayed with me through all of this, i relapsed a few times and contacted women behind her back but we stuck through it. I became a better person, got a new job, and my sexual appetite came back big time. And she wasn't there anymore.
She's diabetic and she had put on weight, she is stressed at her job, she doesn't get in the mood anymore. I'm back to being healthy and I'm ready to go, I wanna get it on with my wife, I'm committed to this marriage, I desperately wanna have sex with my wife. She used to dress up in sexy outfits and surprise me, not anymore. She said she did that out of desperation sometimes to keep my attention, but the effect it had on me was it made me love her more, she knew what turns me on and wanted to satisfy me. That was the hottest thing in the world to me.
Our sex lives have boiled down to maybe once or twice a month now and that's not our only problem. She's become flat out mean to me, and she always turns it around and blames it on me. When she comes home, she's too tired for sex, she's too tired for sex on weekends too, she's just too tired for me. She is too busy and too stressed to appreciate me. She's a teacher so she gets Summer's off, and she tells me every year that it'll get better, it gets worse. She's a clean freak and I'm not, but I try and I've gotten better. When she comes home, it's not a happy time, it's immediately how tired she is, how much she still has to do, and how I didn't do a good enough job cleaning or how I didn't finish all the things she asked me. I procrastinate. But if I could grade us on marriage chores she gets an A+ and I get a B, could I be better? Sure, but I'm passing above average.
I also have turned to porn more than I should. She doesn't like me using porn but if she doesn't have sex with me I deserve to pleasure myself no? Back when I was having erection issues I allowed her to pleasure herself while I went to the other room. I'll never be the gatekeeper of her orgasm. But there have been a few times where I probably should have asked her for sex before assuming she wouldn't be interested and taking care of myself. I got laid way more as a single man than I do married.
She goes 0-100, I think she has an anger problem and is too stressed. She brings a lot of this on herself though, she does a lot of things extra that aren't required by her job and she takes that out on me, she's doing a 6 week weight loss challenge and that isn't required of her, but it's made her extra crabby. We could be talking about nothing and she'll go "oh I actually put things away," and talks down to me in a condescending way. She's rude, mean, belittles me and my efforts, doesn't treat me with respect, doesn't have sex with me, and expects more out of me. When she's mean to me like this I don't even want to do anything. It's almost abusive. She won the power struggle so what she wants she gets. I find myself avoiding confrontation when she gets worked up and going into 1 word responses and walking away. That gets her angry but so does staying and fighting. I'm afraid to anger her, I'm afraid to upset her, even some of my friends and relatives have made some comments and raised some eyebrows at her dominance of this relationship. I'm a mans man, and it's really weird having people see me just fall in line like this. When I try to talk to her, it's my fault somehow, somehow she turns it around and it's my behavior that caused her to be this way or angry. I'm so defeated. If she ever even mentions ending our marriage I fight and beg, but now I'm scared if I tell her how I feel she will leave instantly without a fight. She goes and sees a counselor about how I've hurt her in the past. She sees a counselor about my indiscretions and her trust issues, but I don't think they're addressing her anger issues and treatment of me, I don't even think they're aware of if, because when I sit down in these sessions I try to express myself but even the counselor seems to take her side. I'm lazy and I could do more, but I make the most money, pay the bills, and help out way more than I used to around the house, I think I actually do quite a bit these days, but she doesn't appreciate my efforts, it's never good enough.
She wants to start trying for a kid this summer, how could I bring a kid into this? All she cares about if what she wants. If we have a kid I'll just be even more secondary... Anybody have advice?
I would like to note that I love my wife more than anything. I've never been so connected with a person, that's why I've come this far. I don't necessarily want to give up on her.
Last edited by A little lost; 04-02-2017 at 03:24 PM.