Is paying for sex or strippers cheating? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 21Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:31 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,662
Cool Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Even though tacit approval has been freely given by the disabled wife to her H, at least from the purely "marital vow standpoint," it is deemed to be cheating!

To the woman in the bad marriage who is "helping out," chiefly because of the extenuating circumstances, she may actually think that she is not cheating; but her husband, greatly provided that he ever finds out what it is that his W is doing on the side, might see things just a tad differently!



"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:35 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,874
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Different people view different things as "sex".
What I meant was, she can use her hands to give him pleasure.
In effect she is encouraging him and enabling him to commit adultery and that will always end in tears.Its a terrible idea.
Diana7 is offline  
post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:46 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 24
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

It's not cheating if you have permission. How can it be?

Generally, paying for sex when your partner doesn't know about it, is obviously cheating. I don't think that going to the strippers is cheating though. A lot of significant others wouldn't like it if their partner was going to the strippers, but it's not "cheating".
allez is offline  
post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:57 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,304
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
and there is always the hand..............


Not the same.
225985 is offline  
post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:36 AM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,486
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sophia1918 View Post
Yes, my husband pays for sex, I am disabled and can't have penetrative sex with him and find giving oral sex sickening so I am happy to let him do this, he has my concent and I have met the woman he sees and she is a really nice person, he is the only person she sees and it also helps her as her marriage is on the rocks and the small amount of money he gives her helps her out but she also enjoys the sex.
The answer to this question yes. And/or no.

If spouses have arrangements like you and your husband then it isn't.

But if it is to done in secret then it is cheating.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 06:08 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,662
Cool Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by allez View Post
It's not cheating if you have permission. How can it be?
But what do both marriage partner's original religious and/or civil marital vows to one another have to say about this?

Are they not worth so much as either the paper that they are written on, or the breath which they were confided to one another with?

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is offline  
post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 07:40 AM
Member
 
southbound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 2,762
Quote:
Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
and there is always the hand..............


Not the same.
Not the same, but a great deal safer and more normal, in my opinion, than what they are currently doing.

Wow, I can't even begin to wrap my mind around some things that are discussed on here.
southbound is online now  
post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 09:03 AM
Member
 
Married but Happy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,570
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

It's a rational solution to a huge problem. The alternative would likely be divorce. We both value sex too much to ever be forced to live without it again (both our first marriages were sexless). We've agreed that we can get sex elsewhere if either of us can't provide what the other needs. We wouldn't do it with a married person, though, unless they have an open marriage, are separated, or single. Marriage is a contract - we just added an addendum.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
Married but Happy is online now  
post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:03 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,104
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
But what do both marriage partner's original religious and/or civil marital vows to one another have to say about this?

Are they not worth so much as either the paper that they are written on, or the breath which they were confided to one another with?
While I generally agree with much of what you say as I am very pro-marriage and preserving a marriage if at all possible, I slightly disagree here. I am nearing 70 and have seen a lot in my life. I have learned to forgive a lot.

I am also a big fan of David Schnarch and his views on marriage. He believes that marriage if done correctly is very very hard. He views every aspect of marriage a balancing (negotiated settlement) between the husband and wife over one partners high demand and the others low demand. This includes sex, how often to have chocolate ice cream for dessert, and what and how much TV to watch.

Schnarch likes to point out that the hard part of marriage is that it involves two individuals that mature and emotionally change over time. This creates a constant push/pull between them as they grow and evolve at different rates. He views the hallmark of a good marriage as the ability to self-differentiate and grow to become true to your core values and the best you, you can become. Another is to self soothe, so that those things in life you find are holding you back or gridlock issues with your spouse, you can find a way to relax about them, try them and figure out if you can just get past your fears/revulsion etc. Finally a good marriage is about negotiated compromise between spouses.

Now to the point. (Sorry for the digression.) The original marital vows were the negotiated agreement at one point in their life. If they still represent both of their core values and/or boundaries or even if they still represent just one of the parties core values, you are right.

On the other hand, if because of illness or other circumstances, enforcement of the original marital vows would cause more harm to the relationship/marriage, then maybe they can renegotiate and self-soothe so that they both can live happily ever after.

Would I prefer if the wife could self soothe and figure out a way to satisfy her husbands needs. Sure, I am sure she would as well. It sounds like for some reason she can't. It sounds like she wants him to be happy. It sounds like they both care about each other and want to stay together, so I am not going to judge them.

As I look to the future of my marriage, I know that as we age, one or both of us will have health issues. Some of those issues could make traditional PIV sex impossible or very difficult. As we get older our definition of sexuality and intimacy will change. I have been with my wife for 46+years and hope to be with her until I die. Change can be frightening. I hope that my wife and I can work through our fears, physical changes and stay emotionally close. We have been through a lot and found so many shared values, beliefs and goals, that I trust we will be able to work out whatever comes our way.
Young at Heart is offline  
post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 02:22 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Mid-South
Posts: 808
Re: Is paying for sex or strippers cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
But what do both marriage partner's original religious and/or civil marital vows to one another have to say about this?

Are they not worth so much as either the paper that they are written on, or the breath which they were confided to one another with?
If they made vows to each other and then mutually agree to change the terms that is between the couple and noone else. Any contract can be changed by mutual agreement of all the parties.

The problems arise when one partner decides to change the vows either without the agreement or without the knowledge of the other.

WonkyNinja is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Dear Chump Lady, I lost the moral high ground when I told people my wife was cheating Truthseeker1 Coping with Infidelity 55 09-25-2016 10:37 AM
Men who don't want to divorce after wife found cheating Evinrude58 Considering Divorce or Separation 29 08-31-2016 01:41 PM
Newlyweds...cheating husband honesty61 Coping with Infidelity 38 08-28-2016 04:05 AM
The Cheating Culture? Octobergirl Coping with Infidelity 5 04-10-2016 04:11 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome