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post #16 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:35 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

53,

I am speaking as a mod:
1. Some of the best advice you have been given to date has come from women - the tone of your post below shows a lack of gratitude.
2. Normal to be angry at your STBXW - not so much to upscale that into a general 'women are lazy/apathetic'

Stop the gender bashing.

-------
With that out of the way. I would have the following discussion with my lawyer:

Why can't you go into court - and show that STBXW persuaded you to FUND her masters by PROMISING to use it when she graduated.

And that she is now choosing not to work. Why is it ok for you to be doubly punished - once by paying for the degree and a second time by being charged alimony SOLELY BECAUSE she is choosing not to use that same degree.







Quote:
Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
I can see now that I'm in the process divorcing my wife of 6 years, what I believe to be the underlying cause of most relationship failures.

Women are apathetic and lazy... ESPECIALLY in regards to the images that they have been projecting outwards to the public since the start of feminism.

Here is the post that caused me to write this. Apathetic husband for too long...

This is a zombie post from 2011 and my comment is the last.

Sure, women have a higher enrollment and graduation from graduate school. You want to know what happens after they earn those degrees? They work well below their means and often for part time hourly wages. They will constantly talk about how 'I have a ____ degree! As if a piece of paper will force someone to pay them a certain salary for the sole reason that some institution gave her a piece of paper. You actually have to get a career going to make the degree worth anything! The reasons why they do this are many.

1. They want time with the kids (never ends, even when they go to school)
2. They want to have fun
3. They want to work from home (have fun / kids)
4. They believe a man should carry most of the financial burden

So what happens is that a young woman will talk a big game about how she's a 'strong female' and 'independent', how she 'doesn't need a man', how she 'takes care of herself', and all the rest of the typical bull**** that we all know to well.

Then, after marriage and after a few years of observing her backsliding on all her past ambitions and platitudes, the man determines that he's been lied to and is now being taken advantage of.

The man, never wanting or believing that this is how things would turn out become embittered, and starts to resent the woman. This causes

1. Poor treatment
2. Fighting due to the obvious resentment caused by to the glaring inequality now present in the relationship
3. cheating

The women now blames the man for the cheating, she will forever blame the marriage failure on the marriage on the cheating, bit this is only the smoke. The fire that caused the smoke is the apathetic and lazy attitude that women usually develop once they are comfortable in a LTR. FIGHT THE FIRE, NOT THE SMOKE.


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post #17 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:50 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

I'm not sure who this "they" is you are speaking of.

There are all sorts in this world. Plenty of "lazy"/underachieving men and women. Plenty of hard working ones, too.

I doubt you'd wish to be painted with a broad brush.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #18 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 12:54 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
Cmon people. Ignore the words. Feel the message. The guy is hurting, and venting.
This is what I was thinking too, as I read the post.

He's angry at a particular woman but he's blaming ALL women.

Hopefully he'll get over it. If not, I hope he isn't armed.
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post #19 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM2020 View Post
53,

I am speaking as a mod:
1. Some of the best advice you have been given to date has come from women - the tone of your post below shows a lack of gratitude.
2. Normal to be angry at your STBXW - not so much to upscale that into a general 'women are lazy/apathetic'

Stop the gender bashing.

-------
With that out of the way. I would have the following discussion with my lawyer:

Why can't you go into court - and show that STBXW persuaded you to FUND her masters by PROMISING to use it when she graduated.

And that she is now choosing not to work. Why is it ok for you to be doubly punished - once by paying for the degree and a second time by being charged alimony SOLELY BECAUSE she is choosing not to use that same degree.
I realize that ALL women are not like the one I chose to marry. I've had some wonderful experiences going on dates in the past 2 months and have realized that my STBXW is a liberal feminist outlier that also happen to be hyper sensitive and probably has underline personality disorder.

STBXW agreed to take a $15k buyout and waive every other possible way to get any additional money from me. I have the notarized document that the attorney drafted right here on my desk saying such. The $15k is being paid out of the equity from the house I purchased prior to marriage, and I used a VA no money down loan to fund it, so no money out of my pocket at the end of the day... just wasted equity.

If she was pursuing alimony or maintenance I would have to have my attorney argue the masters degree situation, but I'm sick of paying him and don't need the legal fees.

For the record, I'm not an arsehole. I've read many books over these past 7 months about dating, finding a healthy partners, yada, yada, yada.

Last edited by 53791263; 04-04-2017 at 01:23 PM.
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post #20 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
The man, never wanting or believing that this is how things would turn out become embittered, and starts to resent the woman. This causes

1. Poor treatment
2. Fighting due to the obvious resentment caused by to the glaring inequality now present in the relationship
3. cheating

The women now blames the man for the cheating, she will forever blame the marriage failure on the marriage on the cheating, bit this is only the smoke. The fire that caused the smoke is the apathetic and lazy attitude that women usually develop once they are comfortable in a LTR. FIGHT THE FIRE, NOT THE SMOKE.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
This cannot be applied to ALL WOMEN, just as other things cannot be applied to ALL MEN. You chose badly. OWN IT. You became bitter instead of insisting that work be done to change things. OWN IT. You stayed despite your unhappiness. OWN IT.

Her cheating is ALL ON HER. She cannot blame you no matter how unhappy she was. She sounds like a peach...

Interestingly, I took his OP - bold above - to indicate that he was the one who cheated. Because his wife was lazy. And that's what made him cheat. But it's really all her fault.

Perhaps the OP might clarify?

You'll find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly upon our own point of view. - Obi Wan Kenobi

Last edited by Rowan; 04-04-2017 at 04:14 PM.
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post #21 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:40 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

You blame women for being unable to continue being independent after they have children? Do you not realize that the fastest growing homeless population in the US is single mothers and their children? To blame women for their husband's infidelity because they want to spend time raising their children is beyond me...

And have you looked at the statistics? Last time I checked infidelity was no less prevalent among married couples in which the wives work outside the home. And according to this survey:

"Wives with their own jobs have less to lose economically from a divorce, and social media have made it easier to engage in affairs.

…The main impetus behind extramarital affairs was predictable, Djamba said: One in four men described their marriages as “not very happy,” more than twice the number of wives who rationalized their adultery that way."

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Infidelity But Were Afraid to Ask * Hooking Up Smart : Hooking Up Smart
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post #22 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:53 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
I can see now that I'm in the process divorcing my wife of 6 years, what I believe to be the underlying cause of most relationship failures.

Women are apathetic and lazy... ESPECIALLY in regards to the images that they have been projecting outwards to the public since the start of feminism.
Absolutely not commenting on the merits of this statement.....

However, I'm amazed you survived and didn't get a ban after posting this.

Perhaps TAM has decided to allow people to exercise their freedom of expression?

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #23 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kivlor View Post
This isn't representative of all (probably not most?) women / marriages, however, it is very representative of the vocal ones pushing feminism today.

I've seen the basic formula OP is talking about unfold often:

1) woman achieves degree
2) woman "don't need no man"
Well.

If we're talking about English major degrees, it's not a stretch to see why.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #24 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:04 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
STBXW agreed to take a $15k buyout and waive every other possible way to get any additional money from me. I have the notarized document that the attorney drafted right here on my desk saying such. The $15k is being paid out of the equity from the house I purchased prior to marriage, and I used a VA no money down loan to fund it, so no money out of my pocket at the end of the day... just wasted equity.

If she was pursuing alimony or maintenance I would have to have my attorney argue the masters degree situation, but I'm sick of paying him and don't need the legal fees.
FYI: I don't know if you have kids but if you do this WILL NOT and CAN NOT include child support (CS).

There is no legal instrument that will get you out of paying CS no matter how much money you throw at her.

She might waive it for NOW but in six months she can come after you again in court because it's "for the children".

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #25 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:20 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by 53791263 View Post
I can see now that I'm in the process divorcing my wife of 6 years, what I believe to be the underlying cause of most relationship failures.

Women are apathetic and lazy... ESPECIALLY in regards to the images that they have been projecting outwards to the public since the start of feminism.

Here is the post that caused me to write this. Apathetic husband for too long...

This is a zombie post from 2011 and my comment is the last.

Sure, women have a higher enrollment and graduation from graduate school. You want to know what happens after they earn those degrees? They work well below their means and often for part time hourly wages. They will constantly talk about how 'I have a ____ degree! As if a piece of paper will force someone to pay them a certain salary for the sole reason that some institution gave her a piece of paper. You actually have to get a career going to make the degree worth anything! The reasons why they do this are many.

1. They want time with the kids (never ends, even when they go to school)
2. They want to have fun
3. They want to work from home (have fun / kids)
4. They believe a man should carry most of the financial burden

So what happens is that a young woman will talk a big game about how she's a 'strong female' and 'independent', how she 'doesn't need a man', how she 'takes care of herself', and all the rest of the typical bull**** that we all know to well.

Then, after marriage and after a few years of observing her backsliding on all her past ambitions and platitudes, the man determines that he's been lied to and is now being taken advantage of.

The man, never wanting or believing that this is how things would turn out become embittered, and starts to resent the woman. This causes

1. Poor treatment
2. Fighting due to the obvious resentment caused by to the glaring inequality now present in the relationship
3. cheating

The women now blames the man for the cheating, she will forever blame the marriage failure on the marriage on the cheating, bit this is only the smoke. The fire that caused the smoke is the apathetic and lazy attitude that women usually develop once they are comfortable in a LTR. FIGHT THE FIRE, NOT THE SMOKE.
This may apply to one woman, you wife, but not to most of us.

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post #26 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:32 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
FYI: I don't know if you have kids but if you do this WILL NOT and CAN NOT include child support (CS).

There is no legal instrument that will get you out of paying CS no matter how much money you throw at her.

She might waive it for NOW but in six months she can come after you again in court because it's "for the children".
Yep and there's no limit to how many times she can come after you for more. Let's say you actually did give her the court appointed amount and she took it and blew it. She can come after you for more and you would never be able to prove that she never spent a dime on the kids.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #27 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
FYI: I don't know if you have kids but if you do this WILL NOT and CAN NOT include child support (CS).

There is no legal instrument that will get you out of paying CS no matter how much money you throw at her.

She might waive it for NOW but in six months she can come after you again in court because it's "for the children".
He has no children.
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post #28 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 04:59 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedDad View Post
FYI: I don't know if you have kids but if you do this WILL NOT and CAN NOT include child support (CS).

There is no legal instrument that will get you out of paying CS no matter how much money you throw at her.

She might waive it for NOW but in six months she can come after you again in court because it's "for the children".
Also, depending on the state you live in, if she ever seeks financial assistance from the government, no amount of waiving on her end will save you.

Or in states like mine, where all CS payments must be made to the state, who then gives the money to the receiving spouse.
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post #29 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
Perhaps the OP might clarify?

Need advice before divorcing
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post #30 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-04-2017, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
You blame women for being unable to continue being independent after they have children? Do you not realize that the fastest growing homeless population in the US is single mothers and their children? To blame women for their husband's infidelity because they want to spend time raising their children is beyond me...
We have no children.

Need advice before divorcing
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