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post #46 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 07:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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I live in the uk, and practically every wife and mother here has to work full time as well to pay for the incredibly expensive housing rents or mortgages.
I am not sure who you mix with, but what you describe in women just isn't what I see at all.
I cant think of a single mother I know who doesn't work as hard as the husband, and on top of that most women do far more work in the house and with the children than the dads do.
MY DIL has just stopped work only 2 weeks before their baby is due! She has worked full time all through her pregnancy and will go back to work in a few months when her maternity leave ends. This is the norm here.

Maybe it's time to move to North Western Europe. I do love Europe, usually visit for 2 weeks every October, I'm pretty sure I could make the move.

I speculate that a lot of what you describe can be attributed to the policies that European countries have in place for growing families. All the maternity leave, universal health care, vacation time.... much less taxing on families than it is here in the U.S. We value different things here... like money, grinding, hustling, entrepreneurship, putting on a strong front, standing your ground and endless political fighting... it wears on people.


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post #47 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:10 AM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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By claiming his wife is representative of all women, he doesn't have to own his own choices.


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Yep.
I have had more than enough reason to be bitter towards men. The 2 main men in my life before my present husband behaved terribly, and there has been child abuse in my family by a male family member. However I recognise that men, like women, are all different, and my present husband is very different from my first husband. There are good guys and bad ones, just like with women.
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post #48 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:17 AM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Maybe it's time to move to North Western Europe. I do love Europe, usually visit for 2 weeks every October, I'm pretty sure I could make the move.

I speculate that a lot of what you describe can be attributed to the policies that European countries have in place for growing families. All the maternity leave, universal health care, vacation time.... much less taxing on families than it here in the U.S.
She only gets 3 months maternity leave on full pay, which includes whatever she takes before the baby is born. After that she can take more but its far less pay and eventually no pay at all. She has to return to work to get this of course. Nursery care isn't cheap, so if you have 2 children its often not worth working by the time you have paid for 2 kids, but sometimes women will work evenings or weekends when the dad can care for the children. Not ideal for the couple though. My son got the opportunity to work from home for a year so he could care for their other child.
Most jobs have 4 weeks leave a year, is that more than in the USA?

Yes we are blessed with the NHS, although all who work do pay 12% of their income to pay for it, so its not free by any means.

I love my country though.

IF you did come here, be prepared for mega high cost of housing. Is is cheaper in different parts of the UK, but in general far far more expensive that the USA or Canada.

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post #49 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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IF you did come here, be prepared for mega high cost of housing. Is is cheaper in different parts of the UK, but in general far far more expensive that the USA or Canada.
I'm self employed so I take off whenever I want. Most people have 14 days of vacation and a few sick days.

Never been to the UK. I have visited France, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Serbia, Montenegro, Bulgaria, Kosovo and Macedonia. France would be my top pick. I'd love to visit Norway, Sweden and Finland, I've heard great things.

It's all cool that you have your national identities and keep it all separate, but myself and most Americans think of it all as one big country with states, somewhat... or maybe that's just me. I like to travel around a lot when I'm there.

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post #50 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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IF you did come here, be prepared for mega high cost of housing. Is is cheaper in different parts of the UK, but in general far far more expensive that the USA or Canada.
Last time I visited your beautiful island was 2014. I stayed with good friends I made in my military days. I was absolutely gob smacked when I discovered how much housing costs in Great Briton. It is unreal!

BTW, I love your country to!
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post #51 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 10:27 AM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

I see yuppie entitled moms with baby strollers in Starbucks all the time. Of course entitlement exists, like the sky is blue.

I'm not sure what preaching to the veritable choir is going to do to rectify such an issue. Many women here come from many diverse backgrounds, educations, values, and opinions when it comes to pulling ones weight in a relationship. I don't particularly see a lot of entitlement here but I'm not exactly unbiased.

And what was referred to as a unicorn I think of as a sensible, mature, responsible woman. With the right upbringing, influence, and exemplars, many women can attain unicorn status. The unfortunate reality is that many women come from damaged backgrounds, have daddy issues and poor role models. Those resilient to those external factors are going to be very different from those who aren't.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #52 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:31 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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I'm self employed so I take off whenever I want. Most people have 14 days of vacation and a few sick days.

Never been to the UK. I have visited France, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Serbia, Montenegro, Bulgaria, Kosovo and Macedonia. France would be my top pick. I'd love to visit Norway, Sweden and Finland, I've heard great things.

It's all cool that you have your national identities and keep it all separate, but myself and most Americans think of it all as one big country with states, somewhat... or maybe that's just me. I like to travel around a lot when I'm there.
in Europe, I have been to France, Spain 3 times, Switzerland(beautiful), Luxemburg, Italy, Scotland and Wales. I would like to go to Austria and Holland.
The EU wants us to be mere states and loose our identities, thank goodness we are coming out.
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post #53 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:32 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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I see yuppie entitled moms with baby strollers in Starbucks all the time. Of course entitlement exists, like the sky is blue.

I'm not sure what preaching to the veritable choir is going to do to rectify such an issue. Many women here come from many diverse backgrounds, educations, values, and opinions when it comes to pulling ones weight in a relationship. I don't particularly see a lot of entitlement here but I'm not exactly unbiased.

And what was referred to as a unicorn I think of as a sensible, mature, responsible woman. With the right upbringing, influence, and exemplars, many women can attain unicorn status. The unfortunate reality is that many women come from damaged backgrounds, have daddy issues and poor role models. Those resilient to those external factors are going to be very different from those who aren't.
These women with young babies are probably on maternity leave. Most will be going back to work.
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post #54 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:35 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Last time I visited your beautiful island was 2014. I stayed with good friends I made in my military days. I was absolutely gob smacked when I discovered how much housing costs in Great Briton. It is unreal!

BTW, I love your country to!
Where did you stay? We have recently moved from the South(very expensive) to the Midlands where house prices are 40% cheaper. So we got a bigger house for less money. My son and family have moved right up to the north of England so that they could afford their own home.
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post #55 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 02:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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I would like to go to Austria and Holland.
Holland is like, a 2-3 hour drive from the London, right? That's a short drive for me.

If I lived in Europe, I would have seen the entire continent by now, no doubt about it. Everything is within a 24 drive. Like driving from my home (Pennsylvania) to the Florida Keys, I've driven it 3 times. Also, with the ridiculously cheap RyanAir and other carriers, no reason not to explore every single thing. I flew from Barcelona to Lisbon in October for $50, could have flown to Rome for the same price.

I'm either going to Ireland or Italy this October. Since it's just going to be me this time, probably stick to Ireland because of the language similarity. I don't want to be too lonely and I don't speak Italian.

I'm saving the UK for one of my last trips abroad, I feel it would be so similar to the US that I'd regret it.


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post #56 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Where did you stay?
It was north of London, in Luton.
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post #57 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Holland is like, a 2-3 hour drive from the London, right? That's a short drive for me.

If I lived in Europe, I would have seen the entire continent by now, no doubt about it. Everything is within a 24 drive. Like driving from my home (Pennsylvania) to the Florida Keys, I've driven it 3 times. Also, with the ridiculously cheap RyanAir and other carriers, no reason not to explore every single thing. I flew from Barcelona to Lisbon in October for $50, could have flown to Rome for the same price.

I'm either going to Ireland or Italy this October. Since it's just going to be me this time, probably stick to Ireland because of the language similarity. I don't want to be too lonely and I don't speak Italian.

I'm saving the UK for one of my last trips abroad, I feel it would be so similar to the US that I'd regret it.
Holland is over 8 hours from where I live. nearly 10 hours by train/bus.etc. Then you have to have enough money to stay for a while.

No not everything is within a 24 hours drive by any means, and then there are ferries etc which take time. I have explored most of the UK, and also been to Canada, Malasia, America and Australia. My husband is Australian.

Its not similar to the UK no, that's why so many Americans come here, for the amazing history and the beautiful countryside and cute villages.

Last edited by Diana7; 04-05-2017 at 05:36 PM.
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post #58 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 11:57 PM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

That is a pretty big generalization. My wife does our home repairs, all the shopping and keeps our home immaculate. She has worked when she wanted to and not from home either. I basically sit and type all day from home while she does all other things needed to be done like filing our taxes and paying our bills. She is in charge of all things to do with our house. Many men go to work from 9 to 5 and get away from their home and kids. Many women have to not only work but deal with the kids and take care of the home. They cannot come home and watch TV while someone else prepares dinner. I think men have it easier than women. My wife endures more pain than I can and without her I would be lost.

It can be that you are attracted to a certain type of woman because my wife is not lazy, I am. She has put up with me for 44 years. Put up with someone who has to have things done his way and is always right when he is wrong. I cannot imagine my life without my wife. Sure I have accomplished a lot in my career but that was because she held down the fort while I was travelling all over the world 3 months out of every year, on business. Sometimes I would come home and find the interior walls freshly painted by her or some other large chore that I would never do. I think you are generalizing things too much.

For instance, they do not work for less because of themselves. They work for less because men pay them less. Men do not value women as much as men in the business world. Sure there are lots of women who are raised to take on the traditional role of a wife where the man of the house earns the money and they take care of the house. They are not lazy. Being a housewife is very hard work. Spend a few weeks with your kids sometime while your wife is out for most of the day. A lot of what you say is due to a society built by men for men. Wives were once considered property. The traditional role of a wife is tied to our generic heritage where they married a man who could protect and provide for them while they tended to the children and home life. If you do not want a wife like that, don't marry one like that. Marry a career oriented wife. I work for a female owned company where women are treated the same as men. My boss's husband is a househusband who raised two girls who are now in college. There are all types of woman as there are men. The only generalization you can make is that women do not have a penis, most times.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality.
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post #59 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 02:27 AM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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Holland is like, a 2-3 hour drive from the London, right? That's a short drive for me.
Yes but you will have to take your really fast amphibious car
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post #60 of 100 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 03:44 AM
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Re: The underlying failure built into most marriages

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I can see now that I'm in the process divorcing my wife of 6 years, what I believe to be the underlying cause of most relationship failures.

Women are apathetic and lazy... ESPECIALLY in regards to the images that they have been projecting outwards to the public since the start of feminism.

Here is the post that caused me to write this. Apathetic husband for too long...

This is a zombie post from 2011 and my comment is the last.

Sure, women have a higher enrollment and graduation from graduate school. You want to know what happens after they earn those degrees? They work well below their means and often for part time hourly wages. They will constantly talk about how 'I have a ____ degree! As if a piece of paper will force someone to pay them a certain salary for the sole reason that some institution gave her a piece of paper. You actually have to get a career going to make the degree worth anything! The reasons why they do this are many.

1. They want time with the kids (never ends, even when they go to school)
2. They want to have fun
3. They want to work from home (have fun / kids)
4. They believe a man should carry most of the financial burden

So what happens is that a young woman will talk a big game about how she's a 'strong female' and 'independent', how she 'doesn't need a man', how she 'takes care of herself', and all the rest of the typical bull**** that we all know to well.

Then, after marriage and after a few years of observing her backsliding on all her past ambitions and platitudes, the man determines that he's been lied to and is now being taken advantage of.

The man, never wanting or believing that this is how things would turn out become embittered, and starts to resent the woman. This causes

1. Poor treatment
2. Fighting due to the obvious resentment caused by to the glaring inequality now present in the relationship
3. cheating

The women now blames the man for the cheating, she will forever blame the marriage failure on the marriage on the cheating, bit this is only the smoke. The fire that caused the smoke is the apathetic and lazy attitude that women usually develop once they are comfortable in a LTR. FIGHT THE FIRE, NOT THE SMOKE.
OK, I'll take the bait.
The reality is that many woman work harder than men, are better qualified than men but unfortunately the system is tailored to men. There is a plethora of academic research to back this up. In my own case I earned much more than my husband when we got married, however I was still expected to do the lion's share of housework, pay bills etc. because he was brought up in a household where the man did in fact earn most of the money. Some men have the attitude that because they have a penis it somehow entitles them to better treatment and they are superior.
When it came time to have kids, that ended up being my responsibility too, I had to change careers because coming home at 10pm at night wouldn't work, he continued to live life the same way, out late, out with the boys, out with clients, etc so something had to give. Of course it was me.
If he could have given birth to the children and taken care of them, I would have been fine with that but I couldn't manage the career and the bulk of the responsibility at home. Many women are in this position. Even now the kids are gone I still organise everything at home, to get him to sort out the garden, maintain the cars, etc is sometimes like pulling teeth. His excuse, he is busy, he is overseas, etc, well so am I. Women are caretakers, we put all and sundry first instead of our own selves, men put themselves and their careers first. Even at work we are self effacing, it is our nature and unfortunately lose out as a result.
What you have written lacks any form of concrete evidence and appear to be the ranting of an embittered man who chooses women you don't like, that really is your probably. I guess you have heard that one shouldn't generalise
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