The confusion of it all - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 13Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:14 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 215
Re: The confusion of it all

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
The OP admits he contributed to the issues in the marriage. An EA can be very damaging. I think he owes it to his wife to have the "I'm unhappy, we either go back to MC/marital coaching, or we part ways" talk. In this whole thread, I see him trying to make it better but not communicating to her that he's at the end of his rope (unless I'm mistaken?).
No, I have told her a few times that if things don't start to change that I'm done. During one of our conversations shortly after I saw the text from the other man I told her that I thought it was time to talk to attorneys. When she ask me why, I told her about getting a divorce. That was when I started to see things start to change in a positive way. She still has mood swings and there are good and bad days, but I have seen some improvement in her.

AtMyEnd is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:29 AM
Moderator
 
farsidejunky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 7,608
Re: The confusion of it all

Brother, unless you are going to turn over a new leaf with regards to transparency, the two of you will have built the proper foundation.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
farsidejunky is online now  
post #48 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:42 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 215
Re: The confusion of it all

Quote:
Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
Brother, unless you are going to turn over a new leaf with regards to transparency, the two of you will have built the proper foundation.
All I can say right now is that since she got back from vacation this past Friday things have been totally different, and in a good way. I don't want to have any talks about our issues or what we need to do about them just yet. I need to see how things go and if they stay on the same path as they seem to be right now. I think that if I bring things up right now it may just push her back again like it has before. There will be a long talk at some time in the near future but knowing her and how she reacts to things, it has to be at the right time and it can't be forced.
AtMyEnd is offline  
 
post #49 of 49 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 02:15 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 215
Re: The confusion of it all

Wow, I'm confused all over again LOL. I know I just said earlier that things have been totally different since my wife got back from vacation, and they really have. And it's because of that and what I just found that really confuses me.

So she had been away and came back Friday night, our son has off from school this week so he's staying with my in-laws for a week. My in-laws live 8 hours away from us and I drove in there this past weekend, I drove up Saturday and back Sunday. My wife had told me when she first told me I had to take him there, that she wasn't going to go for the ride. She said that she was going to have too much work to get caught up on since she had been away for a week. Then when she got back on Friday night, she was talking about how she wanted to get the house in order and the guest room cleaned up for when her parents bring our son back and stay a few days for Easter. This struck me as odd since it was a different reason than what she originally told me. When we were saying goodbye before I left for her parents she then told me that she really just wasn't in the mood to go. So now I have 3 different stories, and it seems the last one was the truth. But really, why lie, I don't care if she didn't want to go, I didn't want to go.

So know here's the real confusion. With all the BS that's been going on, before I left for my trip, I set up a hidden camera in the bedroom connected to our surveillance system. I also disconnected the feed from the DVR to the TV so if she tried to look at it, she wouldn't be able to see anything and possibly think the system wasn't on. So everything is still recording but there's no way she can see any of the video feeds to see that I added the bedroom camera. I also left a VAR hidden in the kitchen, in our house any time anyone ever comes over at some point or another they're always in the kitchen, so I'm covered. I have a camera on my driveway, one on my front door, one on the back door and now one in the bedroom.

So this afternoon I go to check the video. I bring up the playback screen and select Saturday's date. The screen shows 1 hour blocks that you can pick to start from and those blocks show up green if there is recorded video. So I bring up the screen, and from 4pm to 10pm on Saturday shows no recorded video. So I go to 3:30 and fast forward, around 5 to 4 I see her in front of the TV looking around and then she walks away. She comes back a minute later, climbs up on something, reaches behind the TV and the feed goes out, she unplugged the cameras. Right after that the video starts again at 10:15pm with her stepping down after plugging them back in. So I run downstairs to get the VAR, I download the audio because it's easier to listen to and mark things on my laptop. I didn't have much time so I jumped around it at 15-20 minute intervals, if I didn't hear any voices within 30 seconds I jumped again. I heard when I walked out the door to leave on my trip and I heard her on the phone with me around 10:30 at night, all I heard between those two times were my one dog walking around his cage. The dog is only in the cage when we're not home because he's still a puppy and still loves to get into trouble. I do need to listen to every second of the recording but from what I've heard so far it sounds like she left the house.

When I talked to her that night I asked her what she ended up doing because she had told me that a couple different friends and wanted to get together with her, and she told me she didn't go out anywhere other than to run a couple errands. So the big question and confusion now is if she did leave the house, which it seems like she did because I haven't heard anything on the VAR, why unplug the cameras? Hearing that the dog was in his cage tells me that she definitely left the house. She told me that she was probably going to run a couple errands. But why disconnect the cameras? The only thing that I can think of, and if you go back through the thread you can see the post, a few weeks ago she made all kinds of accusations at me about how she "knows" I'm spying on her, and even though I proved her wrong on all of the accusations she still told me she didn't believe me. So could she just be testing me again? I don't know, but once again I'm not telling her that I know what I know and I'm just collecting evidence. My next step is to find the opportunity to get into her phone again and see if there's anything there.
AtMyEnd is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Separation is fresh, confusion is not. HELP! ems1221 Going Through Divorce or Separation 18 02-16-2017 08:39 PM
Confusion in married land... TillySmyth Considering Divorce or Separation 40 12-02-2016 03:03 PM
Confusion wont go away, therapy makes it worse. Help! dumbledore84 General Relationship Discussion 5 08-22-2016 11:09 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome