Upon immediate reflection it appears you expect her to trust you and work on the marriage, who had the EA first? Not to justify her actions but was her EA a 'revenge' EA. If so, you are not in any position to make any demands as the first EA was the nuclear bomb in your marriage, no wonder she will not show her hand.
For me the telling sentence in your story is how you glossed over your own EA and immediately talked about your wife's texting which may or may not have been an EA. You also found an 'unsolicited' textr. It is as if you are looking to find her doing the same thing as you. It would be interesting to hear from your wife because I suspect you and only you had an affair but you want to even things out to justify your actions. So perhaps you might want to reevaluate your position and be a bit more truthful about how this all started.
The mood swing is her realizing that you cannot be trusted and she is second guessing herself whether she is doing the right thing investing again in the marriage.
You don't want to live with her behaviour but for a wayward spouse yourself what have you been bringing to the table? It sound like you expect her to do all the heavy lifting although you yourself are culpable, what have you done to show her you are committed to her and the marriage, will never ever do what you did again, etc.
YOu appear to be making this all about you.
Actually based on this, she should divorce you.
Well for one, when I was caught I offered up anything and everything I could. I showed her my phone, my email, answered every question she asked me truthfully and whatever else she asked. I even gave her the OW's number and email and told her to contact her and ask her whatever she wanted. I brought up that we needed to go to counseling, looked for a counselor and made the appointments. In counseling I held nothing back, I didn't hide a thing and she knew it. All the things she used to tell me I didn't do that she wished I did, I started doing. I put in every ounce of effort that I could to try and show her that I knew I was wrong and was making an effort to change myself and to try and fix our marriage.
When I caught her texting another man everyday from the time she woke up to the time she went to sleep, her response was he's a friend and a mentor, and that he gives her a lot of advise about work cases and they had just became friends. When I asked her to see her phone and show me the texts, she refused. She said that her privacy was important to her, that they also talked about things about his personal life as well as hers and that I had no business reading about things in his life. I disagreed and told her that if she wanted me to believe that, that she'd show me the phone. I told her how when she caught me I was completely open about it and I expected her to do the same, but she still refused. At the time I couldn't gain access to her phone, all I could do is monitor her text and data logs from our cell carrier. I saw that the texts had stopped and there was no unusual increases in data, along with paying closer attention to where she was going and being able to verify that, I didn't see any other flags at all so I had to put it behind us and try to move forward. Shortly after I found out about this and confronted her on it was when she decided she didn't want to continue counseling saying she "didn't believe in it". After a long conversation about it we both agreed that we'd try and work on things ourselves, see how it goes and if things got bad again we'd go back to counseling, she still refuses to go back.
When I found the most recent text, the "unsolicited" one, again after confronting her on it I asked to she her phone, and again she refused. After days of arguments about it I let things die down a little, I knew if I kept pushing it would just push her further away. I did a lot more research after that one as far as how to get into her phone, computer, VAR's and everything else. I did figure out how to get into her phone without her knowing, and after seeing there were no other texts and seeing all the texts with her friends about it I did come to the conclusion that nothing had actually happened. The OW knew our marriage was a mess and my thinking on it was that the text was his way of making a move on her. But again, since the only evidence I found was evidence going against what I thought, and yes there was a lot of it, I had to put this behind us as well.
Since all of that I have done a 180, limiting communication and interaction to only things about our son or the house, essential things. I started working out again, going out with friends more, doing things for me, and spending more quality time just me and my son. If he and I are going to do something, yes I'll ask if she wants to go, but if she doesn't it's fine, we go anyway. If she asks me a question I answer but I don't get into a conversation about it. I've focused on me and she knows that, she's noticed it and she's commented on it in a positive way. And since I've done that I have seen signs of improvement from her. But at the same time her mood will change back and she'll withdraw from everything with no cause. That lasts a day or two and then things are ok again.
But I've been focused on working on our marriage since I got caught having an EA, she knows that and she's commented on that. I've told myself that divorce is an absolute last resort mainly because I don't want to put my son through that if I don't have to. And yes, I have seen little signs of effort and improvement from her lately, but is it too little too late?