01-02-2012, 02:04 PM
Join Date: Mar 2010
| | Wife's family hates me
Long story short, this has been dragging out a few years but my in-laws (mother, father and brother in law) all dislike me.
They are a very opinionated family and these troubles started about 5 years ago, they all (at one stage or another) make comments about how we should be raising our kids, asking my wife is she is happy in her marriage, and generally intruding in sacred places where people's comments are not wanted.
My wife and I are happy with our marriage, but her family is not happy with me because eventually I started biting back at her family, defending our marriage and defending myself (as initially my wife didn't want confrontation as she wants a relationship with me and her family, even though she knew what they were doing wrong). Things have changed and my wife is much more vocal in defending our marriage now.
We have tried to work this out with her family many times but it hasn't worked as her mother does nasty things like gossip about us to our common friends and relatives, and spreads poisonous untrue rumours simply because she dislikes me.
She posts nasty messages on facebook, and has sent nasty emails to my wife abusing her, myself, and our marriage.
My wife still has contact with her brother. He is very opinionated but she is used to his behaviour and accepts it. I find her family very toxic, and it's hard for me to cope with it. I certainly don't think I'm perfect but I have limits to being a doormat and deserve some basic respect.
I don't know how to deal with this all as my wife chose to stop communicating with her parents to reduce the strain on our marriage (and even then they keep abusing us), but I have a feeling that this is now hurting my wife as she is afraid that if they die she will have regrets not communicating with them.
She has hinted that maybe I should get thicker skin and cope with the abuse from her family, but this is hard for me because her mother openly tried to brainwash our kids against me by saying poisonous things, and has even tried to turn my own mother against me. I flatly don't trust her. I've spoken to her before and asked her nicely not to say nasty things about me and my wife, and she said she wouldn't, but despite that she continues. My wife and I have asked her to respect the boundaries of our marriage and what we are willing to tolerate (in terms of acceptable behaviour), but she responds by saying "I can say what I want to you, and if you don't like it than you don't have to take it on board". She basically refused to compromise on anything to show us respect, giving us a take it or leave it attitude.
I don't want to come across as a martyr as I'm not perfect, but I am easy to get along with and other than her family don't know anybody that dislikes me as I'm pretty easy going.