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post #151 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 11:02 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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Originally Posted by frusdil View Post
^^This.

In your shoes OP, I would take a witness with me, one of your parents most likely - whoever is the calmer one, who won't say much but quickly pull you back on track if things take a tense turn. Do not take your son.

In the meeting, I would refuse to discuss ANY past issues. They are resolved and rehashing won't help things going forward. Only discuss THE POSSIBILITY of them seeing/having the grandson in the FUTURE. Tell them that the way they have behaved has caused you to no longer trust them and that you need time for the trust to start to rebuild. Tell them that you will happily send them photos/videos of your son, if you're comfortable perhaps they can Skype with him. But for now, that's all that will be happening.

They need to realise that they are not his parents, you are his parent, his father and YOU will raise him the way you and his mother would have, had she lived.

I also encourage you to get your will updated asap - like this week - to say that in the event of your death, your parents are to get custody of your son.
THIS^^^ and let them know you are recording this see if they stay.

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post #152 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I will be taking my two best friends who have been friends since we were 13 years old as back up, They asked today if I would bring my son so they could at least see him and that honestly set off a couple of red flags for me just worried me a bit. I don't think I will take him because I don't want things to go sideways or be any more emotional then they already are in all honesty and I feel like adding him to the mix would do just that in all honesty.
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post #153 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 12:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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Kept up with your thread a little.
I worry about your past addiction.

You getting clean, getting a degree, getting a job, and not taking pain medicine in order to ensure you stay sober---// that's impressive to me.

I do hate that the grandparents can't tell their side. But I do know that some people are just *******s.

One doesn't just swoop in and demand a man's son. They should have better sense than that.

You seem to be reasonable. I've read your posts carefully and your logic is sound.

I just want to tell you I hope everything turns out ok. If you eventually can allow the kids grandparents back in his life, that's great. If they're a couple of looneybirds--- don't feel guilty about excluding them.
I would not even consider talking to them or letting them see your son for a while. They've proven that they are strictly interested in taking your son. You don't need that worry now.

I advise you don't meet them. Show them they are not the center of your universe.

They need to think about the things they've said to you for a while.

Good luck.
Why? Not that I am surpised anyone that I tell that doesn't know me very well gives me that type of answer honestly. But there is no reason to be worried I am not going back down that road. Going through detox is hell on earth but staying clean is harder and I am not going to throw away years of sobriety away.
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post #154 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 11:04 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

You are badly injured, you are in physical therapy, your fiancee died, your inlaws are being foolish, you feel depressed, you feel overwhelmed and you admit the over the counter medicine is just enough, but not always. ER didn't say anything negative about you, gave you good advice and just added "I worry about your past addiction."
You have demonstrated your line in the sand is, any inference about your past drug addiction. I've seen what crack and heroin has done to people. I've seen some get off, some who do not and others who relapse. If I knew you, I'd still worry in the current situation. It is part of the stigma you will carry for the rest of your life. It shouldn't bother you unless, like the grandparents did, it is used to judge you.
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post #155 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 12:06 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Justtryingtosurvive
I believe that they are going to meet with you and at that meeting they will attempt to kidnap your son.

I agree with your take on things, and you are well advised to NOT bring your son with you. I believe that these two would stoop to kidnapping in broad daylight, and are not too intelligent. Explain to them at this meeting that in no uncertain terms they will NEVER have custody of your son, and given their current behavior, they must be told that you are not inclined to ever allow them to have him, even for a visit.

They expect you to come with your son, they will be bringing others with them to take the child and leave you in the dust.

If they attempt to strong-arm, or demand that you turn the child over to them, be prepared with a restraining order and police if necessary. Unfortunately, I have been around grandparents of this nature who are more than willing to take what they believe is their possession from you. Do not be surprised if suddenly there are 10 relatives with them. Leave your son with someone that they do not know. Ensure that you were not followed. Keep his whereabouts secret when you meet with them.
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post #156 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:01 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Taxman, whilst I agree that yours is sadly a very real possibility, I also think that they might have asked for the meeting because they want to try and re-establish a relationship with Just and his son. (Even if this is the case, Just should still meet them with witnesses and without his son, making sure that they would have no access to him in Just's absence.)

Just should not go expecting the worst, but rather being prepared for it. I hope very much that they have seen the error of their ways and that are they hoping to try to reach out and rebuild a relationship with Just, asking him for his forgiveness and saying that they are willing to do whatever they can (and he is willing to allow) to support him as their grandchild's father and sole legal guardian. I really hope that.

Thinking of you and your son, Just.

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post #157 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:14 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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Justtryingtosurvive
I believe that they are going to meet with you and at that meeting they will attempt to kidnap your son.
.
.
.
I agree 100%. This is why I recommend not even meeting them in the first place.

If they wish to apologize to you, they can do it over the phone. If they wish to plead their case to you, they can send an email. There is nothing, not one single thing, which is to your benefit by meeting them.

If you insist on meeting them in person, take Taxman's words seriously. I would go so far as to instruct whoever watches your son during the meeting to expect some form of attempt at kidnapping. I would instruct your relatives to not believe anyone who says anything. Be alert for distractions like one person ringing the front doorbell while another goes into the back yard to snatch the child. It sounds dramatic, but it happens.
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post #158 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:16 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I agree with the above posts. Both are possible.

The idea of having your son stay somewhere that they do not know about during the meeting is a very good idea. It might be a bit of an over precaution, but who knows what people will do when they are desperate?
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post #159 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:19 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I think you guys are being a little extreme even thinking that the grandparents could "kidnap" the baby. They would be in jail shortly afterward.

Have your mom and sister take him for a drive during your meeting.

Last edited by Greygeese; 04-15-2017 at 02:30 PM.
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post #160 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 03:21 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think you guys are being a little extreme even thinking that the grandparents could "kidnap" the baby. They would be in jail shortly afterward.

Have your mom and sister take him for a drive during your meeting.
And putting the word kidnap in quotes shows that you don't see a grandparent taking off with the child without permission as kidnapping... which it absolutely would be. Sure, IF they take him, and IF they are caught, they would be jailed. But, to comment on the possibility as if it's nothing is deplorable. Given the way they acted, it is a very real possibility. Is it definite? No. But I definitely would not downplay the risk because some guy on the internet thinks it is "kidnapping" rather than kidnapping.

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post #161 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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And putting the word kidnap in quotes shows that you don't see a grandparent taking off with the child without permission as kidnapping... which it absolutely would be. Sure, IF they take him, and IF they are caught, they would be jailed. But, to comment on the possibility as if it's nothing is deplorable. Given the way they acted, it is a very real possibility. Is it definite? No. But I definitely would not downplay the risk because some guy on the internet thinks it is "kidnapping" rather than kidnapping.

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Actually I was not implying that at all. I put it in quotes for emphasis. I do not think they could get away with it without getting in big trouble. While I would take a precaution of making sure the baby is not near the meeting, I do not think their intent is to kldnap.
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post #162 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:08 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Because no grandparents would ever dream about kidnapping their grandchildren or lying to the authorities, right?

Wolverhampton grandparents jailed for role in abduction after youngsters flown to Costa Rica Express & Star

Grandma arrested after kidnapping 7-year-old granddaughter in Highland, deputies say | abc7.com

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post #163 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:14 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

So you can post two news stories that means that's what there going to do? And in your second one the grandma got arrested. And based on the young mans description of how poor they are they are probably not taking them to Costa Rica, and in the US dont they have to have a passport to get him out of the country?

Last edited by Greygeese; 04-15-2017 at 08:21 PM.
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post #164 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:30 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Justtryingtosurvive your best course of action is have them them go through your family attorney and if they insist on meeting have the attorney set it up. Then you will have legal representation should this get worse and diffuse it up front.


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Last edited by Greygeese; 04-15-2017 at 08:39 PM.
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post #165 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:37 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

There are all kinds of scenarios, none of which are of any potential benefit to JTtS, if he meets them in person. They don't have to be outright kidnapping scenarios, just some kind of setup or laying the groundwork for future mischief.

The very best case is they genuinely want to apologize. They can do this on the phone, skype, or email. Every other motivation for the get together is calculated by them to get the child away from him. And the apology could be part of such a strategy.
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