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post #301 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-09-2017, 12:57 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I'm in the camp that I would not let them see him. You are protecting your son. They are doing everything possible to prove to you that they do not respect you as a person or as a parent. If you let them see him, you are showing them that their tactics work. Once you go down that road of caving to the demands of people who are mistreating you, it will only get worse. If you let them see him, that gives them more ammunition to prove that they have a relationship with the child. I wouldn't do that.

Block their number. Send them a cease and desist letter via certified mail with a return receipt requested. Let them know if they continue to harass you that you will take legal action against them. Check with an attorney on how to go about this. They really need to stop.

You have done nothing wrong. Don't let anyone lay guilt on you. They are the guilty parties and you are being mistreated.

You have told them what they have to do to see their grandson and they have not made one step in the right direction. Instead they continue to harass you when you are at your weakest point. They are not healthy people and a relationship with them would not be healthy for your son. Do you want him learning this is how you treat people and that what he wants is the most important thing no matter how someone else is impacted by it? That's what their behavior means.


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Last edited by CynthiaDe; 05-11-2017 at 11:14 AM.
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post #302 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-11-2017, 03:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I haven't felt guilt at all and I confronted my so called friend and she caved and admitted it she was worried and thought I would relapse because of the grief. And My first reaction was honestly to get extremely angry, and after I calmed down and I sat her down and explained that While yes I am grieving I am not relapsing or going to do anything dumb. I don't know how many times I have to explain this to people it is rather frustrating to have to keep going over this with folks. Actually going to meet them at a restaurant with my son and my older sister to test things out and see how they act and react. This isn't me caving or me giving into their demands. Just simply trying to forgive and move on and see if they can do the same as they said they were going to apologize so we shall see how things go. Just gonna take it one day at a time, All I can do I just want to move on from this drama and if they spit in my face and in the face of this good gesture well I will promise you they will never see my son or myself ever again. But other then all of that things are good and I am feeling extremely well.
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post #303 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-11-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I'm glad you're feeling better.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
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Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
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post #304 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-11-2017, 10:29 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Don't hesitate to walk away from the meeting immediately if something doesn't feel right.
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post #305 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-11-2017, 02:59 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

For many people, it takes time for them to believe something. You don't have to constantly defend yourself, but you should just carry on and do the best you can. They'll come around eventually.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #306 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 12:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Meeting with them actually went far better than I had hoped or dreamed of it going. They apologized profusely and we had dinner they visited with my son and my older sister was right there. They were on some of their best behavior I have witnessed in a long time, I can't tell if they are just acting and playing me or if they are actually moving on. I suppose we will see over the next few days and weeks ext. But work is going well and meds seem to be working as well. The so called friend though not sure what I will do with that she has been a loyal friend up until that so I just don't know what to do honestly with that.
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post #307 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-13-2017, 12:24 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Just give it all time. Im glad that the meeting went well.
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post #308 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Sorry, I haven't been updating, I was in the hospital and have to have surgery for some post wreck stuff that they had missed. So there was that, But apparently while I was having this done my sister had run to my house to pick up some things for myself and get some things for my son for my mom as they were obviously watching him while all this had to be gone and my fiancee's parents being ones to always spat in the face of me trying to be the nice guy apparently hired a PI and my sister drove up on him attempting to break into my home. So yeah fun times and yes he was arrested I haven't gotten a chance to talk to the inlaws and just kind of in shock they would pull such a move but you guys were correct. Can't try and be nice as they just take it for a sign of weakness.
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post #309 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 09:47 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Heal quickly.

I'm glad your sister caught the guy and had him arrested. Now everyone knows what the score really is. No more pretending by the in-laws to be friends. You know for sure they haven't changed.

If you can prove her parents conspired with the PI for him to break in, I would have them charged too. That's the kind of paper trail which will make it impossible for them in the future to get custody of your child.

Sorry you're going through all of this. Just take it one day at a time, one thing at a time. You have a good support system with your family. I am confident you will get through this ok.
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post #310 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 09:51 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justtryingtosurvive View Post
Sorry, I haven't been updating, I was in the hospital and have to have surgery for some post wreck stuff that they had missed. So there was that, But apparently while I was having this done my sister had run to my house to pick up some things for myself and get some things for my son for my mom as they were obviously watching him while all this had to be gone and my fiancee's parents being ones to always spat in the face of me trying to be the nice guy apparently hired a PI and my sister drove up on him attempting to break into my home. So yeah fun times and yes he was arrested I haven't gotten a chance to talk to the inlaws and just kind of in shock they would pull such a move but you guys were correct. Can't try and be nice as they just take it for a sign of weakness.
Now you have 100% reason to never, ever let these people see you son again. WTH????

What kind of a PI did they hire that this person would try to break into your house? He (or she) should lose their license over this.

How did they know that you would not be there? Did you tell them that you were going back in for surgery?

How close to getting into your house was this PI?

Surely you can get a retraining order now against your sorta-in-laws.

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post #311 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 09:59 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Just - I hope that the surgery went well and that you are not in pain right now.
I found myself trying very hard to think of any good reason for what happened. Because I can't believe that anyone would stupidly risk jeopardising something as precious as contact with a grandson in this way. This really sucks. How did you find out that the man was a PI and working for your fiancee's parents? Finding someone like that must have scared your sister a lot.
Have you contacted your attorney? I agree with Ele that a restraining order seems like an obvious step now.

I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more. ― C.S. Lewis

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post #312 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 10:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

They knew cause I told them I wasn't gonna be home for a few days and told them the reason so I had to cancel our dinner and visit with my son. He wasn't very close well at least according to the cops. He was trying to pick my deadbolt but it wasn't working not to mention I do have an alarm system. And when I am feeling better I will be going and filing for a restraining order, I have done my level headed best to be nice and try and work with them and what did they do? Just spit in my face. Enough is frankly enough.
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post #313 of 323 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 10:39 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

What they did to start with was wrong.

But you took the upper road and tried to work things out.

So then they do this.

At least you know that you went over and above what a lot of people would have. And now they have shown how far they are willing to go.

Did you sister (or you) find out what they told the PI? Did this guy give any justification, beyond earning money, that made him willing to try to break into your house?

What excuse did he give?
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post #314 of 323 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 06:57 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Wow. I would charge him with breaking and entering. They sound like my crazy narc parents. Best to go no contact


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post #315 of 323 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 07:03 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I cant understand why he would need to break in.
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