New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 761Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:06 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Justtryingtosurvive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 47
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
What kind of resources do they have? How about you? Sorry to be cynical but it seems like if it goes to court the winner will be whoever has and is willing to spend the most money.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
I pull in six figures a year her mom was on Disability and her father works as a real estate agent.

Justtryingtosurvive is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:08 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Justtryingtosurvive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 47
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
@Justtryingtosurvive

When the dust settles and you have recuperated from the car accident, and are working again.....

What do you think it would take to reconcile your relationship with the grandparents?

I agree that what they did was wrong; and if I was you, I wouldn't trust them either.

But they are your kid's grandparents, and all he will ever know of his mom.

But definitely protect yourself in the meantime. I was just wondering about how you might feel differently in the future.

And congratulations for wanting to be an involved, loving Dad. I really admire guys who are like that.
Would take a lot in all honesty for me to trust them again and allow them around my son they would need to apologize and then only see my son under my supervision for the foreseeable future until I felt totally comfortable with them again.
Justtryingtosurvive is offline  
post #63 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:10 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Justtryingtosurvive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 47
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by giddiot View Post
What do you think threatened you with court means, its starts with child protection services and a guardian ad litem appointed by the court for the welfare of the child. You journey is beginning. And I hope you and your family have deep pockets, it will cost a fortune.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Not to be mean or blunt here but they don't have the money to outfight me in court. So as I said before I do not fear them. And I would spend every penny I have before I allowed them to take my son. And I realize you are rather hopeful they take me to court or call CPS on me for some reason and I just don't understand why. IF they do so be it but I haven't heard from them or an attorney so I am hoping they realised they fudged up and are just cooling it for a bit.
Justtryingtosurvive is offline  
 
post #64 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:13 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Justtryingtosurvive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 47
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mizzbak View Post
@Justtryingtosurvive

I am 100% on your side - your love and commitment to your son and his welfare come through loud and clear. I also cannot see how any legal battle on the part of your fiance's parents could be successful.

I can understand why you might feel threatened by them because of the way that they acted; but from everything that you have told us, they have little or no power in this situation. If so, you don't have to fear them. But, you could pity them. Grief can make us all act crazy. It doesn't make what they did right, but do you think that could you ever forgive their behaviour in that context? Only you know what kind of relationship they had with your son's mother. But if there was love and caring and respect, then do you think that they would have had a good relationship with your family if she was still alive? If so, do you think that you could give this as a gift to her?

Eventually when your son grows up, he will have questions about his mother. And you will be able to answer many of them. But some of them, you will not. My grandmother passed away many years ago. But when our family gets together and we tell stories about her, the new things and perspectives we find out from other family members, make her very real to all of us, all over again.

I understand that you need to be strong right now, and your anger is righteous, because you are defending your family. And you should definitely consult an attorney as soon as you can. I also understand why you might not feel that you can trust them physically with your son. But, I can say that if you allowed them to see their grandson (have it supervised, if you are anxious), then that is a fair and wise decision - both to any judge that might ever be asked to consider your parenting priorities; and to your son - later when he understands about his mother's family.

Thoughts are with you.
They were close with my fiancee but to reconcile with them as I said above will take awhile and I am not going to beg to have them in my or my sons life either. I did nothing wrong and nor have I done anything wrong, I Don't pitty them at all. They only ever accepted me and that was only ever after my fiancee point blank told them that nothing they could do or say would ever change the fact that we loved each other and were going to be getting married.
Justtryingtosurvive is offline  
post #65 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:16 PM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,269
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by giddiot View Post
What do you think threatened you with court means, its starts with child protection services and a guardian ad litem appointed by the court for the welfare of the child. You journey is beginning. And I hope you and your family have deep pockets, it will cost a fortune.
Any good judge will throw it out. A possible warning shot back is "If you attempt to take me to court based on bullcrap - it will be a fight you will lose, and badly. We are all grieving - hopefully you will cool your jets."

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
TaDor is offline  
post #66 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 09:46 PM
TRy
Member
 
TRy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,568
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justtryingtosurvive View Post
It wasn't a suggestion and did not come off as such and I reacted accordingly, I had an open door policy with them and then they tried to burn me.
Tell her parents that during this difficult time, they have chosen to be part of the problem. If they want you to view them as part of the solution, they need to step up right now and give you their full support. If they do not give you their full support, then they need to accept the consequences of their actions, and they will have no one to blame but themselves. Also tell them that just in case, you are getting legal advice so that you will be prepared for all out war to protect your child, and that when it come to protecting your child, you will take no prisoners.

Then look them in the eyes and ask them do you have their full support,yes or no? After asking this question, stop talking. If after a few minutes they do not answer the question, tell them that in not saying yes, you have all the answer that you need and that war it is. Then end the conversation. Good luck and be well.
TRy is offline  
post #67 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 08:19 AM
Member
 
Taxman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: The Frozen North
Posts: 269
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Justtryingtosurvive
First; My heart goes out to you sir. I cannot fathom having a tragedy of this monumental nature befall myself and my child. You are a rock, sir. You are doing everything that you can in these awful circumstances.

Simply put, your in-laws are idiots. Use every resource at your fingertips to keep them from your son. Surround him with your family, love, and affection. These people have some screwed up ideas on parenting and grandparenting. If I were in their shoes, I would have immediately volunteered to help you and my grandchild, not show up on the doorstep and demand custody. Instead of tearing down, I would be building my relationship with my son in law and my grandchild.

You are doing right, and for what it is worth, we are in your corner.
I am afraid that if it were me, I would have a desperately hard time reconciling with these obviously entitled and foolish individuals. They may have been your fiance's parents, but they are sorely lacking in tact and humanity. The very idea of trying to take a child from his father is nauseating.
Taxman is online now  
post #68 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 07:42 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Justtryingtosurvive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 47
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

So they came over today trying to get my son from me to take for a couple nights but luckily My Mom and sisters were there as witnesses and when I said not they got extremely upset and acted like I was the bad guy. And when I tried explaining why they couldn't have him under any circumstances right now because they broke my trust they got irate and I calmly told them they had to go. I talked with a family law attorney and put him on retainer for now just in case something happens, I do not think there is much else I can honestly do to protect myself. Don't know why they are being so unreasonable and upset what they did was totally unacceptable and they broke the trust that was between us.
Justtryingtosurvive is offline  
post #69 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 08:24 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,446
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justtryingtosurvive View Post
I rather wish they would try and pull that on me and I would show the state how well my son is taken care of and loved. He is surrounded by love and caring people. I get the feeling I have stepped on your toes somehow with my situation and I am sorry if that is so but My son is in no danger and never will be he is loved and I am taking care of him.
Unfortunately CPS is an out of control organization that often operates outside the law. They can be extremely difficult to deal with.

You really do need an attorney to help you understand what your rights and responsibilities are.

This is not about how much money either of you makes. The court will not see it that way.

Furthermore, I don't know how you know how much money they make, but there are plenty of real estate agents that make in the high six figures. My dad was a real estate agent for years. I remember him saying he made well over 100K per year 30 years ago. We were upper middle class. I have known a lot of real estate agents and many who easily make six figures. So they may be able to fight you on this, but even if they don't have a lot of money, they can still petition the court for visitation and they will get it. It is much better for you to work this out amicably, after getting advice from an attorney on how to do this, than to take a hard stand against them.

Edited due to me not understanding the likelihood of grandparents obtaining legal rights for visitation.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html

Last edited by CynthiaDe; 04-11-2017 at 11:02 AM. Reason: I lacked understanding and have edited this to reflect further investigation.
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #70 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 08:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Justtryingtosurvive's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 47
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
Unfortunately CPS is an out of control organization that often operates outside the law. They can be extremely difficult to deal with.

Elegirl already posted this link, but I'm going to post it again. Your son's grandparents have legal rights that WILL be granted if they go to court over this. https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=26.09.240

You really do need an attorney to help you understand what your rights and responsibilities are and to help you come to a reasonable agreement with the boy's grandparents.

This is not about how much money either of you makes. The court will not see it that way. According to Washington State law, the grandparents have legal rights to have a relationship with their grandchild.

Furthermore, I don't know how you know how much money they make, but there are plenty of real estate agents that make in the high six figures. My dad was a real estate agent for years. I remember him saying he made well over 100K per year 30 years ago. We were upper middle class. I have known a lot of real estate agents and many who easily make six figures. So they may be able to fight you on this, but even if they don't have a lot of money, they can still petition the court for visitation and they will get it. It is much better for you to work this out amicably, after getting advice from an attorney on how to do this, than to take a hard stand against them.
Because before my fiancee died we were doing there taxes. So yes I know exactly how much money they have brough it.

Justtryingtosurvive is offline  
post #71 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:25 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,315
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
Unfortunately CPS is an out of control organization that often operates outside the law. They can be extremely difficult to deal with.

Elegirl already posted this link, but I'm going to post it again. Your son's grandparents have legal rights that WILL be granted if they go to court over this. https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=26.09.240

You really do need an attorney to help you understand what your rights and responsibilities are and to help you come to a reasonable agreement with the boy's grandparents.
I believe that I also posted another link to a site that said that right now in Washington state, grandparents can only exercise those rights if a custody case is already in front ot the court... say if there is a divorce, they can join in and ask for time with the child(ren) as part of the custody agreement.

But grandparents cannot start a case to get visitation if there is custody case in the courts already (presumably being negotiation between the child(ren)'s parents).

Even if the grandparents were able to go to court, all they can get is visitation.... a few hours a month most likely. There would be designated times/dates. So if they break that agreement... say the refuse to give the child back, they would be in contempt of court.

Just could also ask that they only get supervised visitation because of him harassing him trying to take the child away from him.
EleGirl is offline  
post #72 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:27 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 32,315
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Justtryingtosurvive View Post
So they came over today trying to get my son from me to take for a couple nights but luckily My Mom and sisters were there as witnesses and when I said not they got extremely upset and acted like I was the bad guy. And when I tried explaining why they couldn't have him under any circumstances right now because they broke my trust they got irate and I calmly told them they had to go. I talked with a family law attorney and put him on retainer for now just in case something happens, I do not think there is much else I can honestly do to protect myself. Don't know why they are being so unreasonable and upset what they did was totally unacceptable and they broke the trust that was between us.
That's just crazy.

Had they spoken to you at all before coming over to try to get him? Or did they just show up and start demanding to take him?

Did the lawyer say anything about what you can do to protect yourself and your son? You don't want these people coming over to your house like that. They sound unhinged. Are they normally unhinged, overly excitable, etc?
EleGirl is offline  
post #73 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:44 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,446
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I believe I was wrong. I just read this and it tells a completely different story: Grandparent Visitation Rights | ElderLawAnswers

However, I still would not trust CPS and I think it's best that you consult an attorney who understands your parental rights. I personally think that the way your almost in-laws treated you was way out of line.

I'm sorry you have lost your fiancee and have been injured. You must be going through a terrible time. I can only imagine trying to get through this without any pain relief. It must be make it that much worse.

edit to add: I recommend you get a will immediately that assigns custody of your child to someone you trust and who agrees to be your son's guardian if you should die. Hopefully and probably this will not happen, but if it does, the court would decide who the child would live with if you don't have a will. That decision is best made by you and declared in your will.

Have you applied for social security benefits for your son due to the loss of his mother? You may not feel you need this, but you can put it away in a trust fund for your son that will start him off on a very good footing when he turns 18.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html

Last edited by CynthiaDe; 04-10-2017 at 09:48 PM.
CynthiaDe is offline  
post #74 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 10:01 PM
Member
 
Maricha75's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7,273
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by CynthiaDe View Post
I believe I was wrong. I just read this and it tells a completely different story: Grandparent Visitation Rights | ElderLawAnswers

However, I still would not trust CPS and I think it's best that you consult an attorney who understands your parental rights. I personally think that the way your almost in-laws treated you was way out of line.

I'm sorry you have lost your fiancee and have been injured. You must be going through a terrible time. I can only imagine trying to get through this without any pain relief. It must be make it that much worse.

edit to add: I recommend you get a will immediately that assigns custody of your child to someone you trust and who agrees to be your son's guardian if you should die. Hopefully and probably this will not happen, but if it does, the court would decide who the child would live with if you don't have a will. That decision is best made by you and declared in your will.

Have you applied for social security benefits for your son due to the loss of his mother? You may not feel you need this, but you can put it away in a trust fund for your son that will start him off on a very good footing when he turns 18.
I did PM him about this. And suggested that he have his mom or sister or another trusted family member set up as payee, that way there is no chance her parents could suggest he is getting and using the money for himself (thoygh the money has to be accounted for, anyway, at the end of the year).

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

You can use the 2x4 without adding nails to it.
Maricha75 is online now  
post #75 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 10:15 PM
Forum Supporter
 
CynthiaDe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4,446
Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
I did PM him about this. And suggested that he have his mom or sister or another trusted family member set up as payee, that way there is no chance her parents could suggest he is getting and using the money for himself (thoygh the money has to be accounted for, anyway, at the end of the year).
The money is not an allowance. It is meant to help support the child, so it can be used for food, clothing, shelter, transportation, entertainment, etc.

For more on my marriage philosophies check out the marriage section of my website:
The Feminine Review

Standard Evidence Thread: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...ence-post.html
CynthiaDe is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My ex wife's is teaching my son bad habits txcouple903 Life After Divorce 15 03-19-2017 12:50 AM
Had the talk with my oldest son and impressed with my daughter katiekr The Family & Parenting Forums 2 12-05-2016 04:54 PM
Fellow parents of older teens, what are your thoughts? Beautiful-day-I-hope The Family & Parenting Forums 15 04-19-2016 12:14 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome