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post #76 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 10:48 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Money is very fungible.


How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #77 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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That's just crazy.

Had they spoken to you at all before coming over to try to get him? Or did they just show up and start demanding to take him?

Did the lawyer say anything about what you can do to protect yourself and your son? You don't want these people coming over to your house like that. They sound unhinged. Are they normally unhinged, overly excitable, etc?
They texted me saying they were gonna come over to visit my son and I. But I didn't respond to them at all, They aren't normally like this at all usually they are pretty stable and levelheaded. Lawyer said to get an order of protection if they keep on being harassing and demanding like this.
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post #78 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:25 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

And no I haven't applied for social security for my son it wasn't even on my mind to do that.
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post #79 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:55 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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And no I haven't applied for social security for my son it wasn't even on my mind to do that.
You really should apply for it. He gets it regardless of your income. That money was taken out of his mother's paycheck. Sadly she will never get to collect it. So her son might as well benefit from it.

I agree with the idea of putting the money in a trust for him. I could end up paying a lot towards his college, or towards a house purchase, etc.

My parents has 8 children. When my father died there were still 3 elementary school age children at home. My mother got the social security payments from my father's SS to help her support the 3 little kids (as we called them).
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post #80 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 02:02 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Here is some Social Security info.


https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10085.pdf
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post #81 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:46 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

What would your fiance have said about this? Would she want her own mum and dad to be banned from seeing her child? They have lost their daughter, now you are stopping them from seeing their grandchild. OK so they haven't handled this very well, give them a break and let them see him. Why cant they have him for an afternoon? They are his grandparents just as much as your parents are. They must be heartbroken. They are afraid of losing their only connection to their daughter and you are doing to them exactly what they feared would happen.

How about you say to them that if they stop this talk of wanting him full time they can see him once a week. You have to work, they can care for him one day to give your parents a break. It would benefit you all.
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post #82 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:58 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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The money is not an allowance. It is meant to help support the child, so it can be used for food, clothing, shelter, transportation, entertainment, etc.
I know how it works. My husband and his brother got it when their dad died. My sister's got it when my dad became disabled. My niece gets it/nephew got it because of their father's disability. My children also receive it. So, I am well aware tgat it is not an allowance. I know very well that there is a payee for the benefits, and that the payee has to show what those benefits were used for, and how much was saved. The reason I suggested that he ask his mom or sister to be the payee was because of the tension with the other grandparents, and so they cannot accuse him of using the child's money for himself. I suggested it as a protection for himself, so they cannot say he is using the child's money, going back to his past. Or, as was suggested, put it in a trust if it is not something necessary to help with raising him. Either way, take steps to ensure that any accusations they may make will have absolutely no basis. That's all I was saying.

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post #83 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:05 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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What would your fiance have said about this? Would she want her own mum and dad to be banned from seeing her child? They have lost their daughter, now you are stopping them from seeing their grandchild. OK so they haven't handled this very well, give them a break and let them see him. Why cant they have him for an afternoon? They are his grandparents just as much as your parents are. They must be heartbroken. They are afraid of losing their only connection to their daughter and you are doing to them exactly what they feared would happen.

How about you say to them that if they stop this talk of wanting him full time they can see him once a week. You have to work, they can care for him one day to give your parents a break. It would benefit you all.
No, Diana. I understand what you are suggesting, but no. Given the threat they made, they are a risk for taking off with the child. If anything, supervised visits for now.

I understand that you are a grandparent, but you are glossing over the threat of taking OP to court to get custody of the baby. Even allowing them one day a week is all it would take for them to kidnap him. And, yes, anyone desperate enough to threaten court for custody IS desperate enough to kidnap the baby.

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post #84 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:11 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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So they came over today trying to get my son from me to take for a couple nights but luckily My Mom and sisters were there as witnesses and when I said not they got extremely upset and acted like I was the bad guy. And when I tried explaining why they couldn't have him under any circumstances right now because they broke my trust they got irate and I calmly told them they had to go. I talked with a family law attorney and put him on retainer for now just in case something happens, I do not think there is much else I can honestly do to protect myself. Don't know why they are being so unreasonable and upset what they did was totally unacceptable and they broke the trust that was between us.
Document EVERY encounter with them. Time, place, content, tone.

And get your mom and sisters to write witness statements and sign them.

Is never a bad idea to protect yourself.

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post #85 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:18 AM
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Cool Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I have absolutely no problem with grandparents supervised visitation rights with the child!

But for rather obvious reasons, do have a big, burly, muscled-up, "nanny" present who possibly works for the local sheriff's department!



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post #86 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:14 AM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

.

I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.

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post #87 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:22 AM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.

Last edited by giddiot; 04-13-2017 at 08:44 PM.
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post #88 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:28 AM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.

Last edited by giddiot; 04-13-2017 at 08:43 PM.
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post #89 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:29 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I'm sorry, giddiot, but I disagree. You cannot negotiate with people who have threatened to take you to court to take custody of your child... nor would I ever advise someone to do so. Until tensions have settled, I would not trust that they wouldn't take off with him. Which is why I, as well as others, have suggested supervised visits.

Sure, CPS may get involved. But if they see no evidence of the child being mistreated by his dad, and not being neglected, it will be an open and shut case.

You, like Diana, are speaking from the POV of a grandparent. But, I would be willing to bet that, had your own parents or in-laws tried to pull what OP has faced, you would have reacted the same way many of us have stated... cutting them off or supervised visits only.

At this point, negotiations are not advisable... unless you consider supervision a good suggestion to negotiate... as in 1 day a week, supervised vs more than 1 day a week supervised. Regardless, supervised is the only thing I would suggest for now.

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post #90 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 07:41 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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This is IMO the only way you can stop this from getting really bad.


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You don't negotiate with terrorists or thieves. They want to steal a baby from its father. How utterly despicable.

The death was a tragedy. The parents should be helping their SIL and grandchild. They shouldn't try to be legally taking the baby under force of law and guns via the court from a father that is not negligent.

Totally evil and selfish. Makes me sick. Worse than cheating.

Last edited by blueinbr; 04-11-2017 at 07:45 AM.
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