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post #91 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:48 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Ok, Devil's Advocate post. You sound very logical and normal, but ... is there any chance there is some validity in the in-laws' concern about your ability to parent? Did you have a brain injury? Do you have a substance abuse problem? Is it likely you will never work again due to your injuries?

It does sound like they are totally out of line, but all we have to go on here is what you post. If there is anything in your situation which may be a negative factor, you should seek to be aware of it and to do what is right for your child.

If you think there is any possibility of an issue such as from a brain injury, I would would have a frank talk with your mother and doctor to get their opinion.

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post #92 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:50 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

If they had the best interest of the child in mind, they'd have acknowledged the father's track record SINCE he became clean. They'd look at how he is as a father CURRENTLY. They'd also not be so quick to take a child away from a parent that he has known. Just the fact that it would destabilize the child is enough for me to believe that they are selfish and only want what they want, and will do whatever they think is necessary (browbeat, force) to get what they want. That is bullying, not parenting.

And that is not loving behavior toward the OP's family unit (body and spirit), not at all.

ETA: if there were a middle ground here - if the grandparents were being reasonable in their behavior, I'd have a different opinion. I'd encourage the OP to open up conversation with them to help determine what is best. But as it stands (and of course we only have the OPs side), I think that the in-laws can get bent.... at least until they have settled down... not to put too fine a point on it.

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post #93 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:09 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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What kind of resources do they have? How about you? Sorry to be cynical but it seems like if it goes to court the winner will be whoever has and is willing to spend the most money.
Not true. A court will rule on which situation is in the best interests of the child.

Since he is now sole legal guardian they will have to prove that he is an unfit parent to have his parental rights removed. Only then can they start the application to adopt their grandson.
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post #94 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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What would your fiance have said about this? Would she want her own mum and dad to be banned from seeing her child? They have lost their daughter, now you are stopping them from seeing their grandchild. OK so they haven't handled this very well, give them a break and let them see him. Why cant they have him for an afternoon? They are his grandparents just as much as your parents are. They must be heartbroken. They are afraid of losing their only connection to their daughter and you are doing to them exactly what they feared would happen.

How about you say to them that if they stop this talk of wanting him full time they can see him once a week. You have to work, they can care for him one day to give your parents a break. It would benefit you all.
What do you think she'd have said to her parents had they tried to take custody of the son from them both before the crash?
What do you think she'd say now when her parents try and take the son from the man that SHE chose to have a family with?

The grandparents being banned from seeing the child is a very reasonable response to their threat to take him away from his parent. In my opinion leaving the child alone with them for any time would be grossly irresponsible of him.

I agree that they must be heartbroken. They could have showed up and grieved with him, and the one thing that is left of their daughter, as a family but they chose to show up with insults and threats.

It should be a long time before he even considers leaving his son alone with them.
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post #95 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:33 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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They texted me saying they were gonna come over to visit my son and I. But I didn't respond to them at all, They aren't normally like this at all usually they are pretty stable and levelheaded. Lawyer said to get an order of protection if they keep on being harassing and demanding like this.
They ought to be apologizing rather than demanding anything. To treat you this way when you are grieving and injured is terrible.

As a grandparent, I understand the love a grandparent has for their grandchild. My grandbaby certainly has my heart. But I cannot imagine taking such a stance as these grandparents have taken. They are not thinking of the best interests of their grandchild or even about their relationship with him. It's stupid of them to act like this. Frankly I wouldn't blame you if you did take out a protection order against them after what they have said to you, especially as they are disregarding you as a parent. This is their grandchild, not their child. No matter how much they love this child, they are walking on thin ice.

I thought that in the case of the death of one parent that you would have no choice but to give them visitation, but after looking into it further I found out that I was wrong, so my opinion on what should be done has completely changed. If you will be forced to deal with them, then better to try to make it work, but since it looks like they really have no rights whatsoever, then you don't have to put up with their shenanigans and I personally think you are taking the right course of action in dealing with them. They are way out of line and fortunately you do not have to tolerate it.

I believe in the power of relationship between grandchildren and grandparents. I have examples in my own life of how wonderful that is. And now, as a grandmother, I am thrilled to be building a close, loving relationship with my grandchild. However, I also cut my father off my from children and stopped contact with him when he was taking liberties with my children by exposing them to things that I believed were harmful and he was also undermining me to them. When he did that, he lost his privilege to have any sort of relationship with them. So I do believe that taking a hard line is appropriate when a grandparent decides they are going to take over and stand between a child and his parent.

If they were to repent of their interference in the parent/child relationship, then maybe a solution could be found, but these grandparents have shown no remorse whatsoever. They are still demanding and have not in any way shown they regret their adversarial behavior.

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post #96 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:21 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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What would your fiance have said about this? Would she want her own mum and dad to be banned from seeing her child? They have lost their daughter, now you are stopping them from seeing their grandchild. OK so they haven't handled this very well, give them a break and let them see him. Why cant they have him for an afternoon? They are his grandparents just as much as your parents are. They must be heartbroken. They are afraid of losing their only connection to their daughter and you are doing to them exactly what they feared would happen.

How about you say to them that if they stop this talk of wanting him full time they can see him once a week. You have to work, they can care for him one day to give your parents a break. It would benefit you all.
She might say: "Mom, Dad, shame on you! My fiancee and me brought a baby into the world and we were making our own family. A drunk driver damaged our family by killing me. Now you want to destroy it by taking our son away from my husband!"

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post #97 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:41 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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What would your fiance have said about this? Would she want her own mum and dad to be banned from seeing her child? They have lost their daughter, now you are stopping them from seeing their grandchild. OK so they haven't handled this very well, give them a break and let them see him. Why cant they have him for an afternoon? They are his grandparents just as much as your parents are. They must be heartbroken. They are afraid of losing their only connection to their daughter and you are doing to them exactly what they feared would happen.

How about you say to them that if they stop this talk of wanting him full time they can see him once a week. You have to work, they can care for him one day to give your parents a break. It would benefit you all.
Seriously?!
If either of my parents tried to take my child away from my husband if I were dead, I would roll over in my grave, come back to haunt my family and to tell my husband to end contact with a parent who would do such a thing as these grandparents have done.

This child is not their only connection to their daughter. She was their flesh and blood. They raised her. She is a part of who they are as individuals now. They will never lose that connection with their daughter. Maybe part of their problem is believing they own this child and he is the connection they need.

No one owns the child, but he belongs with his father. To try to take that away from him is unconscionable. The boy has lost his mother and now they want to utterly destroy his family. Something is seriously wrong with them. They should be doing whatever they can to offer loving support to their grandson and his father, instead they make crazy demands and kick him while he's down. With friends like that we don't need enemies.

Yes, they are heartbroken. When people are at their lowest is often when their real character comes out. They are showing who they are. Better to know now early on than after they have made inroads into driving a wedge between father and son.

It would be a terrible thing if this boy never knows his mother's family and hopefully the grandparents have a change of heart and offer up some way to make amends and have a relationship with their grandson. Extreme caution is necessary when dealing with people like this.

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post #98 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 02:52 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

.

I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.

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post #99 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:00 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I really don't care what you think. Just like most everything else out here you have tried and hung the grandparents from hearing only one side of the issue.


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Yes. And I am right. Let's see how you react if someone steals your kids. Jeez.
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post #100 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:05 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.

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post #101 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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Sure you are or at least think you are.


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I think he's right, as do the majority of the posters on this thread. I'm sorry, but I really don't believe you would be saying this if your son had been injured in a car accident, and your granddaughter's mother had been killed in that accident. And then, her parents come to your son and say they want custody of your granddaughter. Really? You think he would respond favorably to that? And be open to negotiating with them? I don't. And I wouldn't negotiate with someone threatening to take me to court, to take MY child away from me. And, I bet YOU wouldn't negotiate under those circumstances, either.

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post #102 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:33 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

T/J - I could see CPS doing something ridiculous, as @giddiot is suggesting. They are notorious for screwing fathers all the time. But here, seems very unlikely and it would be incredibly wrong. But anything is possible with the amount of man hate in some CPS organizations (and the pure parent hate in many as well). End T/J
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post #103 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:19 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.

Last edited by giddiot; 04-13-2017 at 10:42 PM.
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post #104 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:24 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I have been through a custody battle with my grandchild being abused.
There is no indication of abuse here. The OP didn't even say that they accused him of abuse. Protecting a grandchild from abuse is a completely different situation than what is being shown here. If there is no abuse, there is no acceptable reason why the grandparents would want to remove a child from his father. From what you have said, you didn't simply decide that you thought it was best for your grandchild to be with you rather than his/her parents. You were protecting him/her from abuse. Totally different scenario than what is being presented here.

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post #105 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:26 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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No, Diana. I understand what you are suggesting, but no. Given the threat they made, they are a risk for taking off with the child. If anything, supervised visits for now.

I understand that you are a grandparent, but you are glossing over the threat of taking OP to court to get custody of the baby. Even allowing them one day a week is all it would take for them to kidnap him. And, yes, anyone desperate enough to threaten court for custody IS desperate enough to kidnap the baby.

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No they wont kidnap him, they have a home and presumably family and jobs.

If My son died I hope that my daughter in law would let us carry on regular contact with my grandchildren. I know she would because that's the sort of person she is.
I can understand their fears and desperation.
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