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post #106 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:27 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I have been through a custody battle with my grandchild being abused.


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Ok? I, too, have dealt with cases of abuse (and neglect). Not of my own children, but of children I know. But this is not the situation being presented. In the situation of abuse, I would understand. But when there is no indication of abuse, it is not something that would be up for negotiation. Not after being hit with a threat of custody battle. And I would definitely advise supervised visits with a grandparent who tried such an action... And ONLY supervised visits, until I was comfortable with more than that. I certainly would not trust that they wouldn't try to kidnap my child, if I were in OP shoes. Not after the way they approached him.

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post #107 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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There is no indication of abuse here. The OP didn't even say that they accused him of abuse. Protecting a grandchild from abuse is a completely different situation than what is being shown here. If there is no abuse, there is no acceptable reason why the grandparents would want to remove a child from his father. From what you have said, you didn't simply decide that you thought it was best for your grandchild to be with you rather than his/her parents. You were protecting him/her from abuse. Totally different scenario than what is being presented here.
In the end we only have one side of the story. We dont know why they have such fears for the child, we don't know what their daughter told them.
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post #108 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:35 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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In the end we only have one side of the story. We dont know why they have such fears for the child, we don't know what their daughter told them.
We are responding to the information we have. If you think something else might be going on, then ask the OP. As it stands, there is no indication of abuse and the grandparents have threatened to take the grandchild away. Telling him to let them take the child and be nice about it under those circumstances is not a healthy boundary. It enables bad behavior and could potentially put the child in danger.

If new information become available, then people will answer based on that information. Right now, you are speculating that there must be a reasonable explanation for the grandparents behavior. The OP already told us that they are worried about him relapsing in his drug addiction and that seems to be the reason for their fear.

It's okay to disagree, but if all the facts are as presented, the grandparents don't appear to have a leg to stand on in regards to their demands. Setting healthy boundaries with people who are threatening to destroy your family is a reasonable action, even if those people are upset. There is no excuse for their behavior and threats. Now they are going to have to live with the consequences of their behavior. I don't feel sorry for them, but I do feel bad for the little boy. It's not his fault that his grandparents are threatening his father.


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post #109 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:40 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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No they wont kidnap him, they have a home and presumably family and jobs.

If My son died I hope that my daughter in law would let us carry on regular contact with my grandchildren. I know she would because that's the sort of person she is.
I can understand their fears and desperation.
Except, you DON'T know that. These people threatened to take OP to court to get custody of HIS son. That is the kind of people who WOULD kidnap a child when they learned the law is on the dad's side... Which it is. He did not show ANY indication that he would keep his son from them, Diana, until they threatened to TAKE him away from him.

I love my dad. I loved my mom. I loved my mother-in-law. But if my husband died and my mother-in-law had come to me, saying she was going to take me to court to get custody of MY children? It would be a cold day in you know where before I would have allowed her access to them.

Had her parents approached him, and said "we know you're recovering and going through physical therapy, and we'd like to help you out by watching your son a couple nights a week" or "would it be ok for is to take your son overnight a couple nights a week, or maybe a weekend or two each month, to help you out and to keep our bond with him/help relieve some of our grief" OP probably would have bern receptive... as would I. But the way they approached him? Nope. That's the sort of behavior that gets you cut off from family. They can redeem themselves, in time. But it will take time. For now, OP is right to deny access, unless supervised.

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post #110 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:46 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.
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post #111 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:52 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.
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post #112 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:56 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I didn't say there was, I was accused of not having gone through this, I have been in a custody case.
Respectfully, you haven't been through this. You were rescuing your grandchild from an abusive situation. The laws are different for what you went through and the situation is different. You had a valid reason to remove your grandchild and the courts agreed with you. This is a father who has no history of abuse who is being threatened by his child's grandparents due to a fear that he could relapse. He hasn't relapsed and he is working hard towards recovering physically from his injuries. Yet they threatened to try to gain custody of his son. Of course he doesn't want to give his son over to them. Not even for a visit at this point.

If you were in a situation where your grandson's other grandparent came and threatened to take him away from you because of the trauma you went through in the court case to take custody of him, you would be wary of them too.


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post #113 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:58 PM
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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post #114 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:16 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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And neither do you. Quit threadjacking attacking me. I am not trying to talk to the OP and tell him what think is best for him to do.


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The response you quoted was responding to Diana, not you. I have not attacked you, at all. I disagree with you, but have not attacked. And I never once accused you of not going through a custody battle. What I said was that your situation is not what the OP is dealing with. And it isn't. We all have opinions on the subject matter. But you seem hellbent on indicating that CPS will definitely get involved, and that the grandparents are going to take the child for sure, if they enlist the help of CPS. CPS may get involved, but when they see that he is not being abused, not being neglected, and is healthy and happy, it will be open and shut, in favor of OP. You are using your situation, in the case if your grandchild's abuse, as the basis for this, trying to scare him into giving in to the people who threatened to take his son away from him. I'm sorry, but that would not fly with me. Nor would it have gone over well with my parents.

Now, as for this being a threadjack, I disagree, but only because you seem to think that CPS involvement is absolute and that you seem to think OP is going to lose if they get involved. I do believe discussing cutting off people who threaten to take away his child is relevant, which is wh at I have said. You don't have to agree. Neither does Diana. But neither of us is likely to change each other's minds.

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post #115 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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I also don't care what you think either. Like I told the last person, quit thread jacking attacking me.


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It's not your thread and it's only threadjacking when you respond back.

The mods are going to shut this down. Address the OP.

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post #116 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:36 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Reading how people feel about grandparents who use the courts to take children it's easy to understand Gidiot acting defensive and projecting.


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post #117 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:48 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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Reading how people feel about grandparents who use the courts to take children it's easy to understand Gidiot acting defensive and projecting.


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I can't speak for everyone in the thread, but I can honestly say I would have NO problem with grandparents going to court, IF there was basis. But, the OP has given no indication of that. If OP situation wad like giddiot's, I would be siding with giddiot on this one. But there is nothing in the OP posts that indicate this. And, I may be wrong, but OP seems to be the type who, if they just asked to see the boy regularly, without custody threats, he would have been fine with that, even welcoming it. If not, well, then he and I would definitely be disagreeing, too.

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post #118 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:57 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

@Justtryingtosurvive

From the aditional information that you have posted about your fiancee's parent's behaviour, it seems to me that you have done the right thing by getting legal advice. I agree with many of the posters here, that for them to threaten the action that they have at this time shows a great lack of empathy and very poor judgement.

From what you have written, this behaviour is not in line with what you previously knew of them. They may not have approved of you, but if they trusted you with doing their taxes, they were certainly accepting of your pending role in becoming part of their family. Which is why I still think that their current behaviour is being infuenced heavily by their grief and feeling of being powerless in this situation.

I can completely understand that you would feel great anger and bitterness towards them. But I hope that in time, if they see the wrong in what they have done, you would be open to them being part of your son's life again.

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post #119 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:59 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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If My son died I hope that my daughter in law would let us carry on regular contact with my grandchildren. I know she would because that's the sort of person she is.
I can understand their fears and desperation.
Would you have gone to your DIL demanding full custody of your grandchild if your son has tragically passed?

It seems that the OP was more than willing to allow his wife's parents to carry on regular contact. Then they swept the rug from underneath him by threatening to take him to court for custody of HIS child. They drew this red line. He didn't.

I'm incredibly close to my children's' grandparents. Incredibly so. But if they did to me what OP's in-laws did to him, I, too, would cease contact until I knew all my legal ducks were in a row.
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post #120 of 323 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 06:26 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

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No they wont kidnap him, they have a home and presumably family and jobs.



If My son died I hope that my daughter in law would let us carry on regular contact with my grandchildren. I know she would because that's the sort of person she is.

I can understand their fears and desperation.


How naive of you! Just because they have jobs and families, it doesn't stop them from kid napping their grandson when they're quite desperate to. Why would OP even want to risk it??

I knew of a family personally whose kid got kidnapped by the grandparents along with the mother in a divorce custody. They all supposedly had jobs and families in the region, certainly didn't stop them.


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