New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:18 AM Thread Starter
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New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Sorry if this isn't the place or anything like that just at the end of my rope right now and I need some help. My fiancee and I were togeather for a few years and we had an oops moment and she gave birth to our son who is 8 months old. Well we were on our way to pick our son up from my parents house after getting back in town from vacation well on our way to my parents house we were hit by a drunk driver and my fiancee was killed and I am still recovering from the wreck. This was about three months ago I haven't even had time to grieve yet alone take care of myself and get back to 100% and now her parents have approached me trying to gain custody of my son the only thing that connects me to her. I don't understand why they think this is remotely ok or appropriate and when they came over a few days asking for this I am not going to lie I got incredibly angry and lost it on them. I mean can they really take my kid from me? I can't lose my son he is the only reason I am still breathing right now honestly or even still functioning as well as I am. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I have the strength to fight this I shouldn't have to fight this. I mean I already blame myself enough and I know they blame me as well and If I could do it all over again I would gladly switch places with her I would so very much trade places with her if I could. Trying my best to take care of my son I have been going to physical therapy for my wreck injuries been going beyond what the doctors have asked of me to try and get better. But it isn't enough for her parents and I don't understand why. What do I do?

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post #2 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:27 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Unless they can prove that you are a danger to your child, no they cannot take your child away from you.

I do think you need to read up on child custody issues and grand parent's rights in your state. They differ state to state. In most states you don't even have to ever let him see them again if you don't want to.

I also suggest that you see a lawyer for a consultation of how to protect your paternal rights if her parents try to come after you for custody.
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post #3 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 01:52 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I am sorry for your loss. My ex committed adultery and we divorced but both my parents have passed and I stiil mourn them. As time passed the pain has dimished greatly and incredible memories of them and my family growing up protect me from much of the bullshyt of life.

Do they think you are at fault somehow? Where you driving?

Who is taking care of your son now?

I think Elegirl nailed it in one.

If you where hit by a drunk driver a lot of lawyers will be chasing you. Beware !!! Start a thread on how to pick one and what to watch out for. A friends father was killed in the same way. Not only did he get close to 80% of the insurance my after 30% he asked her for but "case expenses" add only 50%. Then the SOB went after the SS funds for the children. So beware!

Many people do not realize if their spouse qualified for social security it pays a monthly benefit for child support. A roommate in college still recieved money from SS as a result of his father's death. A lot of hospitals have a case manager who may be able to help you.

Be well.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #4 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:02 AM
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Cool Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

There is not one jurisdiction in the land that your fiancées parents won't play hell in trying to abscond with your child.

Ele is totally correct in telling you what she did! Largely, the burden of proof is squarely on these "grandparents" to "prove" that you are a totally unfit or negligent parent!

Provided that this "threat" continues and however "well intended" that its filing is, please take time to retain a good law firm to duly represent both you and your sons interests by offering to counter sue these potential home wreckers!

By golly, if nothing else does, at least that little legal wrinkle will get their damned attention!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 04-08-2017 at 03:37 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #5 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:19 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I'm sorry for your loss. You should get some actual legal advice, like @EleGirl suggested. Your financee's parents might be well intentioned, but you are the father and you have rights. They should respect them.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #6 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 03:15 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Just, so sorry for your loss. Get a lawyer and advice as to your rights as the father of your child. Surround yourself with people who love you and care for you.
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post #7 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 04:48 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Wow, I feel so bad for you. I can't imagine what you've been through.

They probably didn't mean anything by it. They love their grandson and wanted to make sure that he has a comfortable life. But this is about the worst thing you can suggest to a loving parent--taking their child away. I know if someone even suggested this to me about my own kids that I'd react the way you did. You might have just misunderstood their good intentions and overreacted a bit. Like other commenters, I don't think they have a legal leg to stand on.
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post #8 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 05:07 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

This is selfish thinking on their part. Like you they are mourning the loss of their daughter, like you they want to stay connected some how and the grand child is certainly a connection. I would guess they think since you are not related to them by marriage as your life moves forward and you possibly marry and have more children they will be left out of your childs life, and that hurts them deeply. Consider the pain of them losing their child and the pain of possibly losing their grand child and it's easy to see why they are desperate.

There also is certainly the chance you haven't proved yourself to be a capable parent and they are truly concerned for the welfare of the child.

What is the reason they have given for wanting to take the child?

I truly am sorry for your loss, it's a terrible tragedy for all involved.
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post #9 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 07:42 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

As @Cooper said, these people have just lost their child and are grieving. They likely also come from a generation that believes it takes two stable people to raise a child and have seen few successful single fathers. Plus, you seem to have some physical damage resulting from the accident that might make then think you aren't able to chase after a child. Considering everything, they might think it would be in the child's best interest to be raised by them. Your job is to prove to them that you are perfectly capable of caring for your child AND to make sure that your child has a relationship with his mothers parents. Show them by word and deed that you are a capable parent and that you have no interest in taking the child away from them and I think this will resolve itself.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #10 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 11:11 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Just as your son is your last link to your fiancée, he is also their last link to their daughter. It's incredibly selfish of them to even think of such a thing but it may just be because they're grieving and not thinking clearly. I would talk to an attorney ASAP about all this though. As far as I know there are no legal grounds to be able to take a child away from their sole surviving biological parent unless that parent is proven to be unfit by the state. I would cut all contact with her parents as if you blow up at them again and say something out of complete anger, they could try to use that against you. I would also talk to an attorney about getting a court order to keep her parents away from you and your son until all this is sorted out. Grief can make people do some crazy things, you need to protect yourself and son.

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post #11 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 11:29 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

how did they react when you told them no way?



sorry for your loss.
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post #12 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 11:38 AM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Sorry for your loss.

Grandparents do carry rights concerning grandchildren in some states. Getting full custody, unless grossly warranted I don't see that happening.

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post #13 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:06 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Lawyer up as soon as you can. Let the attorney play the attack dog.
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post #14 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-07-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

I truly do feel so sorry for you. I can't imagine the how her parents could feel they have the right to do this to you. They obviously feel that you were at fault for the wreck when it was a drunk drivers fault. I know how it is the have very bad in-laws but to do this is a new low. I agree with Ele, there's really no legal grounds they can possibly take your son away. I wish you well in your recovery.

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post #15 of 284 (permalink) Old 04-08-2017, 01:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: New here, Dead fiancees parents are trying to take my son

Sorry for the late response, was dealing with a few things. There reasoning for wanting to take my son away is because I am not totally mobile yet they don't trust me to not become self-destructive and be able to take care of my son. But I tried telling them that what happened in the past has no bearing on the future for me and that my son is my only concern as well as getting back onto my feet. I am just really hesitant to sue my child's grandparents but I cannot and will not allow them to try and take my kid from me. I already have a lawyer for the drunk driver and a few other things but I suppose I can also just hire them for this situation with my child's grandparents. Simply do not need this kind of pressure on me right now and it is not helpful and in fact is just making things worse.
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