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post #16 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 12:59 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

Whose idea was it to move? Could she be resentful about it?

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post #17 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by Moliverna View Post
We've been in counseling for a year almost now. How could anyone be totally sure she didn't cheat but I'm pretty sure. I'd be a miracle for me not to see any texts or calls or emails or something.

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I didn't ask about her cheating I ask are you sure she doesn't think YOU cheated. Again if you were trying to scare her why did you need more then one site?
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post #18 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:41 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

Whether she is talking to other men on her phone is irrelevant at this point.

Hurt people hurt people. She is a prime example.

This won't change.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #19 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 01:18 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by Moliverna View Post
We've been in counseling for a year almost now. How could anyone be totally sure she didn't cheat but I'm pretty sure. I'd be a miracle for me not to see any texts or calls or emails or something.

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Maybe she doesnt believe you about the dating sites. Are you being 100% up front that you didnt actually use these sites to contact women?

Im sorry, Im not dismissing the abuse she went through, but for her to be fine at one point in your relationship then suddenly turn into a total cold fish just doesnt add up. Either, she doesnt believe your story about the dating sites, she resents you for the move, or she has her eye on someone else. Her blaming the past abuse is bull.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #20 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 02:07 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Good Afternoon. I am new on this site and still struggling to find where I fit here.

...

Now, I wonder, at 78, where do I go from here?


Your own dedicated thread, perhaps? Preferably minus the loud fonts...
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post #21 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by 3Xnocharm View Post
Maybe she doesnt believe you about the dating sites. Are you being 100% up front that you didnt actually use these sites to contact women?

Im sorry, Im not dismissing the abuse she went through, but for her to be fine at one point in your relationship then suddenly turn into a total cold fish just doesnt add up. Either, she doesnt believe your story about the dating sites, she resents you for the move, or she has her eye on someone else. Her blaming the past abuse is bull.
I offered her to log into those accounts and see there were no messages in our outgoing. She really didn't care after 2 days of drilling me for information about that. Shes never brought it up again. I printed my cell records as well. She knows all the numbers I called and texted. I was and am being totally up front with it never even said hi to another woman on those sites. After this fight is when I found out about the abuse. I wonder if she's blaming me for making her deal with her past?

Shes hardly changed at all since I replied to my post last time. We bought a house on an island off the florida coast last week. We both love it and the island. We paid cash so there's no mortgage payment stress. The house is only a few years old so little if any work to do on it. 2900 sq ft so plenty of room.

I've been talking more when she upsets me with her attitude towards me. When I've had enough of her being cold and distant I start avoiding her and she knows exactly why and when its boiled over for me. She then tries talking to me more and hugging me each morning. When i finally come around hoping shes going to stay this nice to me she immediately flips back to being cold. Like clockwork. She does it to get me back to the state of excepting her new nice demeanor towards me and then flips right back. I know exactly how its going to work out. It's so irritating. Wish I knew how to change this. Last time it boiled over I told her how her demeanor towards me is really burning me out. It hurts and its depressing me. She right away says I'm really sorry I cant do anything right. I tell her it's not that you're not doing anything right its like your not trying at all. It seems You're going to counseling for yourself and not for the marriage. All the things for the marriage we're supposed to be doing and trying I've been doing since day one. You've done NONE of them. I said you go to counseling and say things are ok and the tips and things we're supposed to be doing is helping but you're not doing any of them. Not one. I said you need to be honest with yourself and the counselor if you want this to work. She can't help us with the wrong information from you. I don't deserve any of this ****. I'm the only one thats been there for her. Everyone else in her life damn near has abandoned her in one way or another. And I get to take the heat for her past. It's not fair. I told her I felt like I've been paying the price for what other have done to her. She said lots of people who were abused go through this. That's something that someone like the counselor told her and shes using it as an excuse to treat me like ****. Ugh i pray we can get through this.



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post #22 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I didn't ask about her cheating I ask are you sure she doesn't think YOU cheated. Again if you were trying to scare her why did you need more then one site?
Thats a good point! Thinking back i wonder myself why i did. I think because she never even pays attention to anything I do. I think I wanted to make sure she saw something. That's why I left my computer on I cant remember though. That's all I can think of though. I coukdnt even remember all the sites when she was grilling me about it. I think it seemed like i was lying because I couldn't remember all the details. If I was actually trying to meet people I would have been interested in what i was signing up for lol.

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post #23 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:04 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by lucy999 View Post
Whose idea was it to move? Could she be resentful about it?

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We both wanted to it was a 5 year plan of ours and the previous winter was so cold that we both wanted to get to a warm coast fast. However we just bought a house on an island off the West coast of Florida. We both love it and the island. It's only a few years old so the house is in like new condition. No stress since there's no mortgage. I paid cash for it.

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post #24 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by crocus View Post
Because it's passive aggressive to accept unacceptable behaviour for long periods of time and then blame someone else 7years later. Just how it works. Now, time to deal with it.


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It didn't just flip like this 7 years ago. It slowly manifested into this. I'm sure a lot of its my fault for excepting it for so long. Ugh damn it. Seemed that as soon as we moved here her ****y attitude kicked into high gear.

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post #25 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:09 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

You teach people how they can treat you but manipulation tactics get you nothing.

She's learned from your acceptance she can do what she wants. Your lack of boundaries of what you will not accept enables her.

Hence, you need to fix you first. You can't fix her.

Read up maybe this will help
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

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post #26 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by curious234 View Post
Hope you are not unduely affected by this long running negativity as depression is contageous. Another person of her past experience may be really appreciating your attention and care. Could she be using her past as an excuse to hide her feelings towards you. Have you checked and excluded her spending all her emotional energy in an affair for the last seven years
I wish she did have one or there was evidence where I coukd easily guess she had one. There is nothing. Nobody shes even kinda close to.

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post #27 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
You teach people how they can treat you but manipulation tactics get you nothing.

She's learned from your acceptance she can do what she wants. Your lack of boundaries of what you will not accept enables her.

Hence, you need to fix you first. You can't fix her.

Read up maybe this will help
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf
You're totally right!

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post #28 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:37 PM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

My money is on perimenopause/menopause
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post #29 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-23-2017, 09:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by Thound View Post
My money is on perimenopause/menopause
Could be a big part of it. If it is then I HATE menopause!

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post #30 of 47 (permalink) Old 04-24-2017, 03:38 AM
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Re: Wife is emotionally detached

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Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
Good times and bad? Lol, you were duped.

My thoughts:
You said she's on her phone or computer all the time-- red flag.
You said she once had great sex with you and now after years of good sex---- it's all because of childhood abuse?
I call BS.

Your wife is likely having online emotional affairs. Who else is satisfying her emotional needs for intimacy that every person has?

Here's what I don't get about the "SHE'S CHEATING" crowd. You write the above garbage, then think a little about it, THEN write THIS:


Quote:
Originally Posted by Evinrude58 View Post
Something is here that you're missing. You say that this problem occurred rather quickly 7 years ago. It's been 7 years and you've been living like this?
Then 2.5 years ago when you moved, it got even worse?

Either figure out what it is, tell her to help you fix whatever it is and as said, give her a time limit.

You are just giving up your life for a person that seems to not give a flip about you.
It's a totally ridiculous thing to do.

It's simple: she either starts treating you like a husband, or you find someone who will.

Honestly, 7 years????????
What's YOUR problem?
Geez, do something. It doesn't matter if she's cheating or whatever............ if this is how it is, you set her free. Do you love her so little you don't want her happy? Do you hate yourself so much that you think you don't deserve happiness?

Move forward. Whether it's right or wrong, move forward. Do something. Doing nothing has gotten you here.
We get it. She could be cheating. Just skip that part and get to the REAL advice.
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