I'd think the same thing. She's not talking to men on her phone or on Facebook or anything else. I'm on her phone sometimes to send faxes. Her apps are always open and phone never locked so I can't see something. She's listening to this one show she used to watch as a child and she loves that show. Or watching videos or researching things.
But I agree I can't let her abuse me because of what she went through. It's hard when you have a child. I don't wanna mess him up as well.
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Him growing up seeing his father getting abused is going to mess him up much worse.
I don't think you have to divorce her yet, but you have to tell her either she changes or you are going to. You need to stand up for yourself if not for you for your son. He is learning patterns from your marriage. Just like your wife learned from her Mom. Is it any coincidence that a women whose mother hid her children from their father treats her own children's father like an after thought. One day you may watch your son's wife treat him like your wife treats you if you are not careful.
I suspect you suffer from codependency, you might want to get a book or two on that. Right now you don't have a healthy relationship and if you don't change your wife isn't going to.
You don't have to divorce her but you can separate for a while and let her decide if that is how she wants to live. She may divorce you and then you are not responsible. Or she may decide to finally get help.
By the way the tricking her to think you were cheating was very passive aggressive way of dealing with your issue, attacking problems like that doesn't particularly make you attractive to women. The like men who are assertive even if it is with them. Weak men make women feel unsafe. Part of what we provide for them is safety, both physically and emotionally. You would do much better with your wife if you stand up to her. She will respect you more and it may change her attitude. There is a book that lots of people recommend here called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" you can find a pdf online. You might want to read it.
Are you sure, SHE is sure you didn't cheat? You say here, I only did it to get her attention, but frankly that is like cheater speak 101. I wouldn't believe it if I were her. Why couldn't you just say, we go to counseling or I am done.
Also why a few dating sites? One wasn't enough to get her attention? Something doesn't pass the smell test about that. Are you sure you are not being passive aggressive here with us about this? Like maybe you were thinking about cheating and just chickened out or got caught before you did. That seems more likely since it was more then one site. I wonder if this has been the dynamic in your relationship. You not directly addressing problems with her and in general. That will cause a women to lose respect for a man real quick.