Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble? - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 647Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #136 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:10 AM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,245
Find out what hotel she is staying at, somehow. Also better yet, install gps tracking on her phone or access her Google account (unless iPhone) that allows you to see where she is, without alerting her that you are tracking her.

Handy for the pi, if you go this route. You can send him snapshots of a map if you are tracking.

Bet when the sun goes down she will be nowhere to be found.

TaDor is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #137 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:13 AM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,245
Oh... Sorry if it seems that we are overreacting and trying to make you feel like crap and paranoid for no reason.

But this situation is not normal and your gut is telling you this and is why you are here talking to us about it.
TaDor is online now  
post #138 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:17 AM
Member
 
Miss Independent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: In your head
Posts: 606
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by wmn1 View Post
all of these questions are irrelevant to OP's problem here. His wife is doormatting him and who knows what her intentions are. I am more curious as to what her demons are from the first marriage and how those dynamics were brought into this marriage. He should consider an ultimatum or cutting her loose

They're not irrelevant otherwise I wouldn't have asked them. You can ignore my post if you disagree/or it bothers you.
Miss Independent is online now  
 
post #139 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:18 AM
Member
 
Miss Independent's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: In your head
Posts: 606
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
Plus, Four of those questions were answered in his OP and subsequent posts.


Oh I must have missed it huh? Care to show where he answered 4/5?
Miss Independent is online now  
post #140 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 10:41 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,292
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Independent View Post
Oh I must have missed it huh? Care to show where he answered 4/5?
You are correct. OP did not mention if the NOLA trip was to be couple only or with the kids. We assume just the two of them but it is never stated. That is a key question because IMO Nola with kids is infinitely different that Nola with just husband or Nola with a BFF.

Same for the turning down the Vegas trip. OP didn't indicate if wife had input or requested he turn down the trip to save it. That is a very key question.

German,

I doubt you will come back, but you have major issues with the marriage, separate from any potential cheating in NO. IMO you both don't see yourselves as a pair, but rather two individuals living together. Why don't you have combined money? It should not be a matter of you having money for the trip but she does not. That is NOT a marriage.

It's a cliche but the person who values the marriage less holds all the power. That seems to be your wife. She is going on the trip and you are posting here. See the difference.

The advice to take a revenge trip escalates the problem and solves nothing.

This is a great place to discuss the major issues. I hope you come back.
blueinbr is offline  
post #141 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 11:01 AM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,540
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Independent View Post
Oh I must have missed it huh? Care to show where he answered 4/5?
Is this really important? Could she have simply said, "I will be happy to go to NO but I don't want to take the kids."

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is offline  
post #142 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 11:27 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,292
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TX-SC View Post
Is this really important? Could she have simply said, "I will be happy to go to NO but I don't want to take the kids."

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


Assuming OP even told his wife. That's why the question was asked to OP.
blueinbr is offline  
post #143 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:24 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 26
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

You need to contact her ex and find out the real story. Read this... https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf.

If she doesn't give you a copy of her itinerary, you know what she's doing file and move on.
Thomas Quinn is offline  
post #144 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 08:32 PM
Member
 
bankshot1993's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: alberta
Posts: 244
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Round up a couple buddies and go for a long wekend to vegas. If she protests than just tell her, " I thought it was already decided that we dont need to discuss it and i dont neec your permission."

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
bankshot1993 is offline  
post #145 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:16 PM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,292
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas Quinn View Post
].



If she doesn't give you a copy of her itinerary, you know what she's doing file and move on.

Fly into MSY
Airport shuttle to hotel
Check into hotel
Drink, drink, have fun, drink
Check out of hotel
Depart for airport

It's New Orleans. Eat, drink, dance, beignets. That's it.

blueinbr is offline  
post #146 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:52 PM
Member
 
Vinnydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Southern USA, but longtime NYC boy prior to our move.
Posts: 553
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Two things. Just because you are married only 6 months does not mean she is not cheating. A young couple we knew socially were engaged. The guy was cheating on her before the engagement, through the engagement and after they married. The only thing was that his old excuse of working late to get them more money did not work when he wife saw the paychecks and put 2 and 2 together. She divorced him.

The second problem I see is that two girls drinking heavily is a recipe for sex with strangers. I have had sex with a few married women during business trips after a few drinks at the bar of a hosted party by a client. After having my ex fiancée and then a girlfriend cheat on me, I will never trust anyone, male or female with a guy after they have been drinking which lowers their inhibitions especially knowing that you will never find out.

I am a different kind of guy. When I went on vacation I not only took my wife but also our girlfriend. I have been burnt by an ex fiancée who I never once thought would cheat. She never even looked at other guys, or once said anything about another man she saw as we walked around the mall. She blindsided me because I was not looking for clues and made it easy on her.

It could be just a weekend away but why does it have to be a weekend without you? She could still drink if you go with her and party too. The only thing she could not do if you were there is flirt with guys, get drunk and have sex with them. Where there is alcohol and men, no woman is safe, no matter what her initial intentions were. I have been on countless business trips and had drinks with my co-workers and other business men adn women. After a few drinks, the flirting starts. Far from home and no risk of being caught.

You can always look at it like this. If she has sex with a stranger that she never will see again, if you do not know that, it did not happen in your world. The danger is if she is going to meet a boyfriend. I dated a married women who used to meet her boyfriend at business seminars, conventions, trips with the girlfriends, etc. I asked her how she got away with it and she said that her girlfriend and even her secretary covered for her. I used to cover for the President of one company I worked for. I would tell his wife what he told me to tell her. Have a healthy does of mistrust and it may save your marriage. I am old enough to see what married women do when drunk. One tried to perform oral on me, another was tongue kissing me while grabbing my penis through my pants and trying to jerk me off. On the dance floor they would press against my crotch. Drinking and women do not make for a safe trip.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.

Last edited by Vinnydee; 04-12-2017 at 11:54 PM.
Vinnydee is offline  
post #147 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:54 AM
Member
 
TaDor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 1,245
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

You bring interesting insight to things Vinnydee. You've been the OM quite a bit, but also burned by being betrayed. AFAIK, I've never been the OM - but was close at least once. It was a woman at a hotel, drinking - attractive, etc... and I blew it, wasn't aware of the game back then. But yeah, lots of drunken sex and orgies or MFMF at conventions. I've seen boards on them as well "Going to be at XYZ convention - sex party from 6pm ~ 2am. Come and go anytime." - I didn't go to that, but a friend did.

I've seen such things or have been sexually felt up etc, (even hands into my pants) from drunk women I did not know or know much of (at non-sex party venues). Hell, I've had sex with a lesbian I picked up in a lesbian club in her own car - go figure.

When drunk, much lower inhibition, "what hubby don't know - won't hurt him", she will likely do the deed. What I find more disturbing is more accidental sex is bad enough "had to much to drink" vs. planning for several weeks, paying for and making travel arrangements to a party-town... that to me IS NOT accidental. Sure, what happens "was too much to drink" if she gets caught, but she is purposely going there. BTW, my wife and I also want to go to New Orleans - we want to go together, see the sights during the day and party hard for a night or two. Maybe next year or so.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
TaDor is online now  
post #148 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:56 AM
Forum Supporter
 
blueinbr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6,292
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

OP must have taken a vacation from this thread
blueinbr is offline  
post #149 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:17 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 26
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

You married a party girl dude. And there's nothing you can do about that now. Just remember what happened when her last husband started to get "controlling".
TheRealMcCoy is online now  
post #150 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:22 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,540
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
OP must have taken a vacation from this thread
Yeah, looks like he isn't responding anymore. Maybe he's in New Orleans?

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A woman who is in a relationship wants to go on a vacation ALONE???????? SMG15 The Social Spot 62 06-05-2016 02:34 PM
Vacation Without the Spouse Tortdog General Relationship Discussion 320 05-18-2016 03:19 PM
My nightmare vacation Corpuswife Relationships and Addiction 12 12-13-2015 02:43 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome