Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 647Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:09 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt.

germanchip1 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:11 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
You've only been married 6 months, and your wife is keeping things from you, not discussing things with you, and is going to New Orleans without you. I'd suggest having a serious discussion with her about what you both expect now that you're married. That's not being controlling, and when women tell men that they're being controlling (I know this, because I've said it myself) they just want their own way. But, I bet that doesn't go both ways, if the roles were reversed and you called her controlling, she would probably not like it.

I wouldn't rug sweep this, just my opinion.
You are probably right. Time to have a serious discussion bc she does think anytime I say we should talk about things first that it is controlling. And would certainly not be that way if I did it.
germanchip1 is offline  
post #18 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:11 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 829
Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
Trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Unless you have evidence of a possible affair, I don't think that's your issue. Your wife is guilty of independent behavior in marriage. She needs to learn how to be interdependent in your marriage.
Jessica38 is offline  
 
post #19 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:14 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,178
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
You are probably right. Time to have a serious discussion bc she does think anytime I say we should talk about things first that it is controlling. And would certainly not be that way if I did it.
Just seems like you're being set up to become a doormat in your marriage. I guess whatever she says, goes...and you better like it and accept it, or she'll call you controlling. I have a feeling she was like this when you dated her, but you married her anyway. Not that her behavior is your fault, but how you react to it now, will be.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #20 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:14 PM
Member
 
WorkingOnMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 6,053
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

The important question is, what exactly are you doing on this weekend she'll be gone?

By the way, any answer that doesn't involve travel and alcohol is the wrong answer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
WorkingOnMe is offline  
post #21 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:14 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,046
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

I had missed the fact you were only six months married.I think what's is worrying here is that she said she couldn't take a vacation with you because she had no money or vacation time.Is this going to be a recurring issue in your marriage,she can't contribute time or money to family oriented activities but suddenly "finds" money and vacation days for a girls only vacation.I think that only six months into marriage there should be alarms ringing and red flags waving.She wants the single life with someone to go home to afterwards and you need to accept what is virtually an open marriage or decide it's not for you.
Andy1001 is offline  
post #22 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:15 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
Trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Unless you have evidence of a possible affair, I don't think that's your issue. Your wife is guilty of independent behavior in marriage. She needs to learn how to be interdependent in your marriage.
No reason to believe she's having an affair. It's definitely the independent behavior in marriage.
germanchip1 is offline  
post #23 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:18 PM
Member
 
*Deidre*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,178
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
The important question is, what exactly are you doing on this weekend she'll be gone?

By the way, any answer that doesn't involve travel and alcohol is the wrong answer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
lol

Aw, two wrongs don't make a right.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
*Deidre* is offline  
post #24 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:18 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Emerging Buddhist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: World-wide
Posts: 1,448
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
In addition, she booked it weeks ago but kept telling me that it was undecided when I asked over the last couple weeks. Then when I found out yesterday she kept saying that she doesn't need my approval or to check with me.
This is the troubling part... is this misleading with intent or simply securing a place while trying to decide.

Sort this out and at least the trust can be calmed, then focus on the independence as it does or doesn't apply to your relationship.

One will be needed to compliment the other...

नमस्ते 🙏
Emerging Buddhist is offline  
post #25 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:19 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
The important question is, what exactly are you doing on this weekend she'll be gone?

By the way, any answer that doesn't involve travel and alcohol is the wrong answer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Taking my kids to spend time with their grandma that they only see once or twice a year. But I will need to drink this weekend. Lol. Lord knows the wife already said she was getting drunk to her friend.

germanchip1 is offline  
post #26 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:21 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 829
Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica38 View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
Trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Unless you have evidence of a possible affair, I don't think that's your issue. Your wife is guilty of independent behavior in marriage. She needs to learn how to be interdependent in your marriage.
No reason to believe she's having an affair. It's definitely the independent behavior in marriage.
Then I wouldn't give her the benefit of the doubt. She needs to know this is unacceptable in marriage sooner rather than later or her independent behavior will be an issue in everything from co-parenting to finances to many other issues in the already-stressful situation of blending families.
Jessica38 is offline  
post #27 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
You are probably right. Time to have a serious discussion bc she does think anytime I say we should talk about things first that it is controlling. And would certainly not be that way if I did it.
Just seems like you're being set up to become a doormat in your marriage. I guess whatever she says, goes...and you better like it and accept it, or she'll call you controlling. I have a feeling she was like this when you dated her, but you married her anyway. Not that her behavior is your fault, but how you react to it now, will be.
You certainly start to question yourself after you hear it. I'm certainly not perfect. And I've done or said plenty of things that made me own up to and apologize. So, I was starting to think it was me. And maybe I was wrong about how successful marriages should be. If nothing else it has allowed me to work on myself and be a better me bc I was starting to believe it was all me. Bc that's what she keeps telling me.

Her last words of - "I'm not letting you ruin this for me" really opened up my eyes to it all.
germanchip1 is offline  
post #28 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:33 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 3,383
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

She doesn't want you going because it would be awkward around her boyfriend.

You aren't controlling but you are being manipulated. Mr Nice Guys get walked on.

Yet you are desparate to turn a blind eye and give her the benefit of the doubt. Why?

Sounds like she married you out of convenience or help with the checkbook.
Marc878 is online now  
post #29 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 01:39 PM
Member
 
WorkingOnMe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington State
Posts: 6,053
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
lol



Aw, two wrongs don't make a right.


Making a right isn't my intention.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
WorkingOnMe is offline  
post #30 of 258 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 02:15 PM
Member
 
Edo Edo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: In a van down by the river...
Posts: 47
Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Your wife has lied to you, both directly and through lies of omission. Her behavior is completely unacceptable for long term marital success. Her excuse of having a controlling ex-husband is just that. An excuse. You are not that type of person and don't deserve the situation she is placing you in. Worse case scenario, she's cheating on you. Best case, she's emotionally manipulating you, partially through deceit. You've only been married 6 months. I hope you and her have not yet combined your assets. For your sake, if you haven't, DON'T! If you already have, open your own separate account. Start saving your money and do not pay any of her bills. Show her the path she will follow if she continues to choose her personal independence over your combined relationship.

Normally, I am not inclined to advise a "hardball" approach, but in your circumstance, I think it most certainly applies. It will pay off for you in the long run too. Either she will get the hint and be a genuine partner to you or it will help to ensure you a better return after divorce proceedings. Remember that your independence and happiness is now at stake too. She is only looking out for herself right now. You need to do the same and have that "Plan B" ready in case it comes to that...
Edo Edo is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
A woman who is in a relationship wants to go on a vacation ALONE???????? SMG15 The Social Spot 62 06-05-2016 02:34 PM
Vacation Without the Spouse Tortdog General Relationship Discussion 320 05-18-2016 03:19 PM
My nightmare vacation Corpuswife Relationships and Addiction 12 12-13-2015 02:43 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome