Google the term "gaslighting". It will make sense when you read it.
Next, I want you to read this link: https://www.lynneforrest.com/article...ces-of-victim/
Then you need to have this one-sided conversation with your wife, and you must be calm and firm
when you do so:
"Wife, first you lie about having the time off available. Then you lie about having the money available. Then you lie about the location until the last minute. Then when I point these things out to you, you accuse me of being controlling. I thought I had married a person with integrity and commitment. You have shown me that I was wrong on both counts."
Then walk away. If she insists on trying to continue the discussion, simply hold your hand up and say:
"Discussions about relationships are for those whose actions demonstrate they are committed to the relationship. Until you stop to stop gaslighting me, you are making it clear that is not the case."
Then walk away again.
A wise poster, since banned, once said the following:
"Always give defiant people what they want. It rarely works out like they expect."
In order for you to do so, you have to realize you married someone who may not be marriage material, and you must be willing to set her free if she is who she is showing right now. Her actions will show you who she is. Watch not what she says, but rather what she does.