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post #76 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:22 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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She's going this Thursday through Monday. I couldn't ever imagine going anywhere like that on a trip with friends without a serious discussion with my wife.
Likely that's why she tried to hide it from you.

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post #77 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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In order for you to do so, you have to realize you married someone who may not be marriage material, and you must be willing to set her free if she is who she is showing right now. Her actions will show you who she is. Watch not what she says, but rather what she does.
Actually, her words AND action are marriage acid, dissolving the bond and purpose of this marriage.

A gold marriage ring cannot hold tight on a independent finger. Especially if that finger is of the slippery ilk.

Speaking of fingers and rings. I suspect her ring and finger will be divorced on this trip.

If she goes, hire a Private Investigator to monitor her. Money well spent.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

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post #78 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:33 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

I'd be livid. But is it worth blowing up your marriage so early? Probably not. But you two need to talk this out and get on the same page. If things like this keep reoccurring , you two are going to resent each other and not be able to recover.
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post #79 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:33 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Six months into the marriage. Can you see yourself in a year, 5 years?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #80 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:43 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

@germanchip1 Unfortunately it doesn't matter what you and almost all of us think. You're wife will never think that she is doing anything wrong. Be prepared that if you tell your wife what you are thinking, you'll now be known as "the controlling husband".

How's the rest of your relationship?
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post #81 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 09:49 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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Her exact words were - "I should be allowed to go wherever I want without asking for permission." Then prior to that she flat out said, "I'm not asking permission." Then kept asking, "So, I'm only allowed to go somewhere that you approve of?"
This would make me sad. It's not like you were asking her to get your permission, you deliberately didn't go to New Orleans because you wanted to save that for her and that's what you were planning to do. Yes, couples should want to go on vacations together, especially early in the marriage. She's acting like she's mad about something previous that happened. Were you guys fighting during the time she booked the trip? She could also think of it as a control issue because she kept saying "permission". She could also be planning to meet another guy down there to since she's overreacting about this. This is something that I think you should keep an eye on and talk to her about once she cools off a little.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #82 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 10:06 AM
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I still don't think we have the whole story. You say part of the reason you and your wife couldn't make it to LA together is because "she" could not afford it... You didn't say "we" couldn't afford it. You were not willing to pitch in funds for a vacation together? I totally don't understand that.
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post #83 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 10:17 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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That's not what he is talking about.Gus is talking about women pulling the controlling card whenever ANY discussion is going against them,and he is right it is faux feminist bs.
And I'm saying that the way to pull the rug out from under the faux feminist b.s., is to own your "controlling" behavior and be proud of it.

Because most of what's called "controlling" is normal mate-guarding behavior.


If that's okay with you. Or if it isn't.
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post #84 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 10:34 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

The way you handle this situation will set the tone for the rest of the relationship. Sounds like she's a toddler testing her boundaries.
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post #85 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 11:26 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Next thing you know, she'll call you "controlling" when you want the key to the lock on your chastity cage.

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post #86 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 11:46 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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Originally Posted by germanchip1 View Post
She's going this Thursday through Monday. I couldn't ever imagine going anywhere like that on a trip with friends without a serious discussion with my wife.
the reason she doesn't want to discuss it, is the same reason she is going with a single friend. NO is a party town and she obviously wants to party. A newlywed should be partying with her spouse, not single friends.

She will be the wingman this weekend, if you get what that means.
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post #87 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 11:57 AM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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Trying my best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Does she deserve this, if she has already flat out lied about not having money, vacation time to go on vacation? You said she also made the plans weeks ago and did not tell you.

I wonder if her Ex-husband was about as controlling as your wife is trying to make you out to be. If that's the case, I can see why they may have gotten divorced. Maybe, he got fed up with it. It sounds like she wants to do what she wants to do, and can't be bothered by anybody else's thoughts or feelings. Not a good start if this is happening six months into a marriage.

I hate to say it, bud, but I think she is getting ready to get drunk and sample some Andouille sausage that is not part of a big pot of jambalaya. I hate saying that, but with her also saying "I won't let you ruin this for me", after lying about it, she has something planned up, or is looking forward to her and her friend going off the rails for four days. If my wife was acting like that beforehand and then headed to NO with a friend, I'd be very worried.
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post #88 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 12:03 PM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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Her exact words were - "I should be allowed to go wherever I want without asking for permission." Then prior to that she flat out said, "I'm not asking permission." Then kept asking, "So, I'm only allowed to go somewhere that you approve of?"
I hope you see those words as very concerning....as much as i do....German you married someone who is not a partner in any sense of the word, she got her ring on her finger and she will now do as she pleases and you do not get to say anything about that...i would tell her straight out, you can go what ever you want and when you get back you can back you bags and leave the house or if its her house you will not be there when she gets back. you either stand your ground now or she will roll over you and and again...and you will be a doormat...god sake grow up, its not about New Orleans its a power play in the relationship and she wants to be the dictator.

She has drawn the line the sand....the question how are you going to respond ?

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post #89 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 01:49 PM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

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And I'm saying that the way to pull the rug out from under the faux feminist b.s., is to own your "controlling" behavior and be proud of it.

Because most of what's called "controlling" is normal mate-guarding behavior.


If that's okay with you. Or if it isn't.
I will consider myself suitably chastised for daring to have a difference of opinion with such an awesome force of nature such as yourself.Im sure the ground trembles in your house when you enter it.
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post #90 of 257 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 01:57 PM
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Re: Vacation separately - sign we are in trouble?

Op, I think you're overreacting. I'm sorry but I don't see it's a sign that your marriage is in trouble


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