I found this forum the other day when trying to find relationship advice the other day. I have to admit that seeing some of the other posts and advice makes it a little easier to ask for help.
I have been in a relationship with my partner for 14.5 years now, so there's allot more than I can sum up in just a few sentences, but I promise to try and be brief. We were close friends starting in Jr high and thru high school. A few years after HS we met up again and dated briefly, then he moved about 2 hrs away and ended up married and had a child. Fast forward a few years and he got divorced, moved back and we ended up dating and living together ever since.
We've had lots of challenges, have seperated, tried counseling (2 sessions and he was done), and continue to stick it out. Here's the problem: neither of us are happy nor have we been for quite some time now. We're more like room mates. We have completely seperate lives outside our home. I have work, take care of our home and spend time with my mom and sisters. I no longer have friends because he never liked anyone that I befriended (and none of them liked him) and it was easier to give up than constantly fight (i know - my fault there). He has work, his son (a few times a year), his art, hobbies and his friends.
I think we both have years of resentment built up and can't get past it. Neither of us are perfect, but at this stage of the game (I'll be 40 this year, he'll be 41) I don't expect him to change for me, he however does expect me to change for him. He recently lost some weight and has been acting out of character / suspicious. Then on Christmas Eve I caught him standing outside on the cell phone talking to a woman, he tried to tell me it was business and then when I asked to see his phone he said no, laughed at me and then cleared the history and said "here, now you can have it". We had a huge fight and he lied to my face several times and then admitted to lying. I'm still not sure what the real truth is though. There have been times over the years that I suspected cheating, but always talked myself out of it. This time it just feels all wrong. During our fight he said that I needed to lose weight, that he has a hard time being attracted to me, and that if I would just have more confidence and initiate sex it may help as well.
It's hard to feel sexy and confident when your partner has checked out on you and basically just wants you to service them out of obligation though. I'm so lonely that I find myself crying all the time now. We have financial issues, intimacy issues, health issues, soooo much and I feel lost and don't know what to do. Do I just keep chugging along like I have been? I've invested allot of time in this relationship and this man and don't know if that even matters any more. I can't go to IC because I have no health insurance, before I lost my insurance I had a few sessions but it was just a start. Sometimes I daydream about being single and free, but then the thought of starting over at my age scares the crap out of me.
I love him, and care about him deeply...we've been a part of each others lives in one way or another for over 25 years. I just haven't been in love for quite awhile, and according to him, neither has he. When do you call it quits? When do you give it more time?