Husband May Never Move Out of His Mother's House. Did I make a huge mistake?
Hello all. I'm new here. I'll try to post as much info as needed without making this into a story that never ends.
I met my husband 4.5 years ago, playing an online videogame. We connected instantly and spent hours upon hours talking and playing. We met in person 6 months later. He has always lived with his mother. He pays half the mortgage, and says he just never moved out because he and his mother saved money by splitting bills. We discussed him transferring close to where I live or if that was not possible, that we would both move to another agreed-upon location. The plan was that when he was ready to move, his sister would be taking over his portion of the bills.
He works for an airline, luckily, so travel is not a problem. We see each other very often and have been able to spend months at a time together. 2 years ago, he found out that a transfer near me wasn't possible. His mother told us that my children and I could move in and live there so that we could save money to buy a house. At the time, it seemed like a great idea. A year ago, we decided to get married, and I was supposed to move there by the end of the summer. I had some emergencies that stalled moving, but nonetheless, my kids and I travelled there and spent time in the house with my husband and MIL.
That's when I realized that their relationship was, well, different. My MIL seemed very needy all of a sudden. Anytime I would ask my husband for assistance with something, my MIL would come out of nowhere insisting that he help her with something at once. It was as if she couldn't bear to see him help another woman with anything. In our time there, I realized she is totally dependent upon my husband. He often cooks or orders food for the two of them. He washes the dishes and cleans the house most of the time. He also does all the "manly duties" like yardwork and shoveling snow. Pretty much any chore that needs done, he does it.
On top of that, I've noticed that their relationship creeps me out a bit. Once, while out to lunch, my husband sat across from her, I sat next to my MIL. She exclaimed suddenly that her hands were freezing and reached out and grabbed my husbands hands, insisting that he warm hers up. It was like 85 degrees outside. I felt like she was doing this out of jealousy. Also, when we ride somewhere together, she insists on sitting in the front seat. She walks around in her bra, in my husband's presence. Another time, when my husband had just gotten out of the shower, she yelled for him to help her with the remote. My husband went in to her room in a towel, trying to hold it up with one hand and program the remote with his other hand. His genitals revealed themselves more than once and neither said anything. In fact, they didn't seem like it was any big deal.
I have since decided that I will not be moving in with them EVER. My MIL sends my husband crazy text messages if he doesn't do what she asked him to do. She even threatens him with telling me about the chores that he hasn't done. She constantly pulls passive-aggressive behavior and piles on the guilt so that my husband feels guilty for planning to leave. I feel kind of like I'm in the twilight zone and I have no idea how to approach my husband about these things because I don't think he even realizes anything is wrong. How do I talk to him about things without him getting hurt or offended? And better yet, how can I get him away from his mother?