*Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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*Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

Throughout my marriage me and my husband have had problems like any other couple, but most of our problems from the beginning have all been coming from his family....Mother & Fathers side. Although my husband finally learned to keep his family at a distance and finally cut ties from his sister on his fathers side I still find myself angry. Im not angry so much about what was done to me but I feel like its a buildup of the things i went through. I have a wall up now because of it to the point where I am ready to defend myself much as possible just in case something else comes up. I even expressed this to my husband and told him that I have had it up to here where in the midst of a fight I dont give a damn about getting my ass whooped. Its reasons behind this. I will say this before I break it down...."In laws should stay the hell out of their family members marriage because not all the time is your relative innocent in the matter." Also it pisses anyone off for a family member on the spouses side to come at you or for you when they dont know what the hell their relative has done to you or the **** you been through with them. Its like how dare they!!!!

I dealt with:

His parents, stepfather and bio mom who had baggage from since my husband was born. I stepped into this marriage with my husband still having disputes with his stepfather from when my husband was a child. And on the other he & his moms relationship are affected by him and his stepfathers disagreements. She feels that since this man was around since he was a baby after her abuse that my husband should feel a certain way towards him, but on the other hand my husband doesnt feel as though his step father treated him as one of his own. This situation has caused him and his other two siblings (younger sister & brother) to not get along well.

That situation caused my husband to want to get to know his dad side of the family.

Now with his sister on his moms side. She & her boyfriend moved in with us at a time where me and my husband were fighting alot. He would, of course, never do his dirt around her too much. He did, however, pick fights to make me look a certain way around them because they didnt know at the time that he was seeing someone else and neither did I. AT the same time she was dealing with her boyfriend cheating and would take her car to see other women. While they were there I helped them both find jobs and looked out for them financially when they needed help and was very hospitable towards them. Towards the end when they ended up leaving her boyfriend accused me of telling her that he was seeing another woman, but she had proof because she followed him outside when he left the house to meet with another one. So she saw what was going on with her own eyes. He then accused me of cheating and told my husband. So automatically they took his side. Even though me and him have reconciled for 3yrs now she still treats me as if I done something to her after I have been the bigger person and reached out to her. SHe can have a nasty attitude at times. She likes and compliments her younger brother, who is constantly in trouble, but downs my husband all the time.



Then there was the long lost sister my husband found last year after researching his fathers side of the family. She did not even try to get to know me at all. She lives out of town and she started alot of problems between me and my husband. She was basically trying to get him to leave me and date one of her sisters on her mothers side. It was so bad that at one point my husband would not sleep with me while she visited and asked for a divorce. Its not like she had any proof or evidence that I mistreat him when I dont. He finally cut her off but it damn near took a year for him to see her for what she is.

On top of all that there was cousins who lived with us that we also helped in many ways but they would not help us with bills and so they had to leave. they also was around when the long lost sister came into the picture but they made the situation worst.

I also had to deal with other family members such as cousins with nasty attitudes and smart ass mouths.


Im just venting because someone else or many can relate to me. I was so busy trying to get along with everyone and impress them that I overwhelmed myself. Now im just like freak it. either they like me or they dont, but either way i dont care anymore.

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 02:38 PM
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

Yikes!

Rats to the front of you!
Badgers to the left!
Skunks nipping your high heels!
Sharks to the right!
Snakes slithering under your' painted toes!

And nowhere to run!

I think you need to move:

Out of Earshot.
Out of Town.
Out of State.

Out of Memory!

When you let "infected" people rub-up against your defenses, the Virus always breaks through. And makes you sick.....makes you die, slowly, a day at a time.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:01 PM
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

This is a huge bone of contention between my wife and I. While I bent over backwards for her parents, doing 1000 times more than their actual son did for them, my wife and my side of the family never got along. There are all sorts of reasons for this but the bottom line is that where I never put my wife in the middle of the arguments (for example going to family parties. I would always go to dinners on her side but she will not attend a party on my side of the family, leaving me to explain her absence.)

Despite our marriage counselor telling her that she had to let go of the resentment she never has, and uses it as a fall-back argument whenever we disagree on something (because she knows she can win that argument). I can almost predict when she will bring it up.

If you want peace with your husband you need to let the issue go. Otherwise it will become an even bigger issue between the two of you.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

My husband comes from a hugely dysfunctional family and it took me years to disengage and let their world be their world. I just don't play anymore. They now turn on each other and tend to leave me be.

The best thing I did was cut the landline and social media so they cannot bother me.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:22 PM
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

In laws make things interesting don't they! My wife came from a horribly dysfunctional family. All the crap didn't stop until we moved away. I think that's maybe the best way to handle extreme cases of in-law dysfunction' moving away or avoiding them all you can. The more you have to interact with them the worse things are. You may just have to take the bull by the horns and tell them you've had it and you're not speaking to them again.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

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Originally Posted by Chris Taylor View Post
This is a huge bone of contention between my wife and I. While I bent over backwards for her parents, doing 1000 times more than their actual son did for them, my wife and my side of the family never got along. There are all sorts of reasons for this but the bottom line is that where I never put my wife in the middle of the arguments (for example going to family parties. I would always go to dinners on her side but she will not attend a party on my side of the family, leaving me to explain her absence.)



Despite our marriage counselor telling her that she had to let go of the resentment she never has, and uses it as a fall-back argument whenever we disagree on something (because she knows she can win that argument). I can almost predict when she will bring it up.



If you want peace with your husband you need to let the issue go. Otherwise it will become an even bigger issue between the two of you.


Now don't get me wrong regardless of what has happened I still to this day give his parents respect and the rest of his family. I'm cordial towards them and I don't bring none of the madness up. He is actually tired of them just as well as I am which is why he cut them off. Me in the other hand I just feel like when things start to look up for his here goes someone else coming along in the family needing something. Regardless of how I feel I don't tell him not to do for them or deal with them. I let him find out on his own which is the best teacher. Basically im just saying these things over the years has caused me to have a wall up period and brought the worst out in me at times. Just bottled up anger that never came out. I'm dealing with it now and asking God for a fresh anointing so I can have peace and move forward. I will not go out my way anymore to help them at all. I'm keeping it at a minimum and not caring anymore what they think or say.


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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

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Originally Posted by peacem View Post
My husband comes from a hugely dysfunctional family and it took me years to disengage and let their world be their world. I just don't play anymore. They now turn on each other and tend to leave me be.



The best thing I did was cut the landline and social media so they cannot bother me.


Hell yes. I barely post on social media And that **** is about to get cut off and number will change. Some of them think that I'm suppose to be available to them when they need stuff. Even simple stuff like info that they can google themselves


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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
In laws make things interesting don't they! My wife came from a horribly dysfunctional family. All the crap didn't stop until we moved away. I think that's maybe the best way to handle extreme cases of in-law dysfunction' moving away or avoiding them all you can. The more you have to interact with them the worse things are. You may just have to take the bull by the horns and tell them you've had it and you're not speaking to them again.


I've cut ties and so has my husband. He had to go through some things when I decided to step back from things and saw them for who they really were. Once he saw that he cut them off and told me to not answer the phone for any of them. My number will be changing soon and I will disable my social media accounts. Like all that dysfunction is too damn much for me.


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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:26 AM
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Re: *Venting* Things are beginning to look up but I have built up anger.

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Originally Posted by ikys View Post
I've cut ties and so has my husband. He had to go through some things when I decided to step back from things and saw them for who they really were. Once he saw that he cut them off and told me to not answer the phone for any of them. My number will be changing soon and I will disable my social media accounts. Like all that dysfunction is too damn much for me.


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Sadly, I think you've done the right thing. There comes a time where you just can't take it anymore.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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