Wife Is Cold And Emotionally Detached - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-09-2017, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
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Arrow Wife Is Cold And Emotionally Detached

Good Afternoon. I am new on this site and still struggling to find where I fit here. This subject of "Wife is Cold and Emotional Detached", seems to fit in with what I have been experiencing for the past 25 or a 29-year marriage. I have constantly been looking for "The light at end of tunnel", or "Things will be better just around the corner". I don't believe so.

I accidently found this site when I ran across an article from someone on this site describing the symptoms of, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DIS-ORDER; a virtual , 100% description of my wife and her sudden and abusive personality changes from "Sweetheart to Verbally-Abusive Woman within just a few minutes (sometimes even in just a few seconds) on almost a daily basis.

This started about 3-4 years after we were married. Avoiding ANY sort of sexual approaches and activity, then the "Stop touching me" and "Stop groping me". Then she became "Little Miss Independent" telling me to stop telling her what to do (Yet SHE is pretty good at controlling others herself), and now after 29yrs.of marriage and multiple visits to marriage counselors to have ME straighten'd out, we seem to be pretty much in a loose "Room-Mate" relationship. I pretty much fix my own meals, wash my own clothes, do the grocery shopping, pay the bills (In spite of her Financial Infidelity attitude), etc. .

Now, I wonder, at 78, where do I go from here?

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Wife Is Cold And Emotionally Detached


I have moved this post to it's own thread. A fellow poster says he recognized you from another forum and may need help starting your own thread from this post, so here you go.


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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 04:47 PM
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Re: Wife Is Cold And Emotionally Detached


After all these years, it seems to be evident that she isn't going to change. You've known that for quite some time.

If you can't live on your own, there are ways to minimize the impact of living with a spouse who has a destructive personality.

A good place to start is how do you want to live your life and what are you willing to do to fulfill that?


"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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Last edited by anchorwatch; 04-10-2017 at 04:53 PM.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-10-2017, 07:26 PM
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Re: Wife Is Cold And Emotionally Detached

Originally Posted by TinCanSailor View Post
I ran across an article from someone on this site describing the symptoms of BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.
TinCan, welcome to the TAM forum. Perhaps you're referring to my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. In any event, it would be helpful to the discussion if you would tell us which of those signs (e.g., 4, 8, and 15) are very strong and which are very weak. If you would like a more detailed explanation of what those signs look like, I would suggest you read my posts in Maybe's Thread.

After 29yrs.of marriage and multiple visits to marriage counselors....
If your W is a BPDer (has strong and persistent symptoms) as you suspect, MC likely will be a total waste of time unless she has worked hard in independent therapy to learn how to manage her emotions. I took my exW to 6 different therapists and 3 MCs in weekly visits for 15 years and it did not make a dent in her behavior because she was unwilling to trust the therapists and work on her issues.

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