Distance might kill it, what to do ? :( - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:02 AM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

So you've known this person for 3 whole months, you've met ONCE, she's 6 years OLDER than you, but you're 'in love?'

People don't fall in love in only 3 short months. Having had little experience (other than a couple of teenage romances) at only 19, you're still learning all about life and you haven't even entered adulthood yet.

You sound like a sweet young man, but that's the problem - you're a YOUNG man. Still a teenage boy, really. Right now, your FIRST concern should be college or learning a trade, not putting all your energies into wasting 6 hours a day on Skype with some woman who lives in another country and who you barely know. Because contrary to popular belief, you can't live on love (or infatuation).

From what you've said, being needy and clingy seems to be something you do with no matter who you're with. That's a relationship killer and this online thing already has 2 strikes against it.

Find a nice girl your own age in a radius of 20 miles from your house. This thing is going nowhere.

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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 11:25 AM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

Your 19....

My husband was 19-20, his birthday was days before the wedding.
He was head over heels in love and happy with me.

7 years later, he cheated. Three kids, a house a perfect life, and he cheated. Why?

He was a baby when he committed. Love (limerance, infatuation) these feelings are fleeting at the age you are. Your love is not strong...you just think it is. 3 months does not a deep love make.

I would say YOU should show your strength here and realize that at 19 you are likely clingy and have this idealized idea of your future and love. You grow up a lot in your 20s. I just turned 30 two weeks ago. I know from recent experience.

MY ADVICE? she is not your soul mate. you are not star crossed, and this is not forever. Please, please, go out tonight and open your eyes. You are not in a relationship. Relationships have more to them. Shared space, shared time, shared experiences. You are in a fantasy....BOTH OF YOU ARE.

Long distance relationships DO WORK, but they dont USUALLY start long distance.

You got a lot of growing up to do and fun to be had. Quit trying to make this work with her. She is 25, and you are 19....I know it does not seem like such a great age difference but thats relative. You dont have your career, she does. You just got out of high school likely last year? You are not in the same zip code metaphorically speaking.
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

Thanks everyone for the advices and I will be reading those books as well Keke.

I'm not giving up (straight asking breakup) just yet, I will keep being myself and seing if she stops being distante but I will not anymore be the one holding this floating when she acts like that or a coversation pops up about it and she starts talking that she thinks we will split up I will do that tactic. Today we spoke and she got more cheerfull, we talked about stuff we will do when me or her vist, like camping and such, I will also do the silence advice for like a week or so if she starts acting distant and cold to my messages or skype talking again and hope for the best.

I really apreciate the advices you guys gave me, Thank you everyone.
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 12:24 PM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

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Originally Posted by Problem View Post
Thanks everyone for the advices and I will be reading those books as well Keke.

I'm not giving up (straight asking breakup) just yet, I will keep being myself and seing if she stops being distante but I will not anymore be the one holding this floating when she acts like that or a coversation pops up about it and she starts talking that she thinks we will split up I will do that tactic. Today we spoke and she got more cheerfull, we talked about stuff we will do when me or her vist, like camping and such, I will also do the silence advice for like a week or so if she starts acting distant and cold to my messages or skype talking again and hope for the best.

I really apreciate the advices you guys gave me, Thank you everyone.
No, dont play games.... MY ADVICE. dont do the silent thing to gain a reaction. Be silent if YOU NEED silence. Not for her. FOR YOU.
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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 04:18 AM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
So you've known this person for 3 whole months, you've met ONCE, she's 6 years OLDER than you, but you're 'in love?'

People don't fall in love in only 3 short months. Having had little experience (other than a couple of teenage romances) at only 19, you're still learning all about life and you haven't even entered adulthood yet.
I support much of what you said here. *NOBODY* should think they are deeply in love until they are over the age of 24. Meeting and dating different people will help teach you what you like and don't like.

But people can and *DO* fall in love quickly all the time. It's a matter of the infatuation phase being recognized and/or being in love after six months of a physical relationship.
I've dated/had sex with many over the years, only a few that made me go "oh yeah". When I met my future wife, I wasn't really looking for a girlfriend. We talked, danced and I felt very comfortable with her. I had the strong urge to kiss her and went for it. Made love that night and started dating that week. On our 2nd week, we talked about being infatuated with each other... but it sounded awkward, agreed we can use the word "love" but would be casual. Meanwhile - I was talking about her with my friends and as it turned out - she was doing the same with her's. We were engaged a few weeks from meeting that first night, married a few months later. That was 6 years ago. No other woman before her mattered as much as she did to me. We are sexually compatible, we parent as a team. Of all things considered, we are still a very stable and compatible couple with little arguments.

Quote:
You sound like a sweet young man, but that's the problem - you're a YOUNG man. Still a teenage boy, really. Right now, your FIRST concern should be college or learning a trade, not putting all your energies into wasting 6 hours a day on Skype with some woman who lives in another country and who you barely know. Because contrary to popular belief, you can't live on love (or infatuation).

From what you've said, being needy and clingy seems to be something you do with no matter who you're with. That's a relationship killer and this online thing already has 2 strikes against it.

Find a nice girl your own age in a radius of 20 miles from your house. This thing is going nowhere.
Agreed. LDR that work is when they didn't start out that way and its a temp thing - like husband is working off shore or deployed. or a young couple in which one has been hired in another city and the other is finishing up college or a project before moving.

But years of not meeting... type thing. nope. It's not realistic.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:27 AM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

A few things

1. You are far too young to commit to a LDR
2. She is too old for you
3. LDR rarely work imo
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

She has been acting weird lately, sometimes shes happy for see me sometimes she just doesnt show she is wants to talk to me and acts distant like today she was going home and im like "do you wanna skype love ^////^?" and she just responds "meh jamming to music" that **#*ing hurted my feelings and i just replied "alrighty", im thinking of ignoring her msgs for some time maybe she will discover is she misses me or not... not to mention that she took so long to get home wich usualy she takes like 30-40minutes so im actually starting to think might be cheating..? she told me "oh A sale caught my eye and i took a sharp turn, Lmaoooo sorry,XDDD IM HOME NOW," ... who knows i dont even know anymore im actually starting to lose trust but ill just let this go where ever it goes, actually thinking in asking her if she cheating on me, dont want to hurt her but this keeps hurting me deeply if this goes bad im not having more LDR.. despite all this I still love her so much... I don't understand myself..

Last edited by Problem; 04-14-2017 at 09:46 AM. Reason: wrong word
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

Quote:
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She has been acting weird lately, sometimes shes happy for see me sometimes she just doesnt show she is wants to talk to me and acts distant like today she was going home and im like "do you wanna skype love ^////^?" and she just responds "meh jamming to music" that **#*ing hurted my feelings and i just replied "alrighty", im thinking of ignoring her msgs for some time maybe she will discover is she misses me or not... not to mention that she took so long to get home wich usualy she takes like 30-40minutes so im actually starting to think might be cheating..? she told me "oh A sale caught my eye and i took a sharp turn, Lmaoooo sorry,XDDD IM HOME NOW," ... who knows i dont even know anymore im actually starting to lose trust but ill just let this go where ever it goes, actually thinking in asking her if she cheating on me, dont want to hurt her but this keeps hurting me deeply if this goes bad im not having more LDR.. despite all this I still love her so much... I don't understand myself..
OP, do yourself a favor and break up with this woman. She is clearly not interested in a serious relationship with you. She knows exactly what she's doing, which is stringing you along. You know that sale stuff was bs. Yes it's very likely that she is indeed cheating. If you keep putting up with her behavior, there is only one outcome - she will lose respect for you. Women have a hard time respecting men who repeatedly accept their bull****. Stop accepting her bs.

You've gotten such excellent advice on this thread. Use it!
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 11:51 AM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

Quit playing games. Not talking to her till she realizes she misses you? News flash, she does not. If she is not eager to talk she is just not feeling it. And neither should you! you are wasting your time, energy, effort in a sunk ship. Its not even sinking, you are in salvage mode. Come on. Just end it. In about a mont, maybe 3 months you will be over it and into someone new.
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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 05:06 PM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

I concur with other posters. This situation has "I want to break up, but I don't want to hurt you" written all over it.

You two are in what you're hoping is a serious long-distance relationship that will continue long-term. Yet, 3 months in, your girlfriend says 1) she needs space, 2) she's coincidentally having a schedule change at work that will give you less time to talk, 3) is already suggesting the relationship will end. (?!)

In my opinion, it sounds like this relationship is already over in her mind. You should have an honest conversation with her about all of this to try to understand what she's really thinking.

Long-distance relationships can work, but they are tough. The lack of seeing each can easily lead to drifting, which in turn, can lead to cheating or a breakup. Best of luck!

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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:48 PM
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Re: Distance might kill it, what to do ? :(

I don't think that this will last sadly but i have to disagree with people here who say that you cant fall in love at 19. Also that you cant be in love so soon.

I fell in love with my husband in less than a week and knew I wanted to marry him then. We were married in 9 months. Happily married now for over 11 years.
I have 2 friends who actually got married age 19, 40 years later they are still happy. It can happen although its usually the women who are slightly younger not the guy. When I was that age, it was pretty normal to marry late teens-early 20's.

In your case though, a relationship where you can rarely even meet up isn't likely to last.
My advise, get off that computer more and get out there and meet people where you live. Take up hobbies, study hard, do sports, join clubs, do voluntary work etc etc.
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