Has your spouse been a good influence on you? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Originally Posted by jb02157 View Post
At this stage in the game it's all about putting up inner shields...and shields over the shields. I can only change what I do to myself...I can't change her.
I was thinking in terms of not taking her words and actions personally, but just letting it roll off your back.

It is pretty hard to do, but can really be freeing.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:34 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Yes, most definitely.

I put my husband on a pedestal and look to him for inspiration. There are so many things that I think he does so much better than me, and I admire him for it. I would not have chosen him for my spouse if I did not feel he would positively influence my life.

I saw you put another thread up posing the opposite question - whether you positively influence your spouse.

I think a better question is - are you (or your spouse) open to influence?

I think all experiences can produce a positive influence if you are open to receiving the lesson from it. Even people that I've despised in my life have positively influenced me, even if the lesson is what NOT to do.

Is my H influenced by me? Inherently because we have been together so many years, yes. Willingly? I don't think so.

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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Originally Posted by kag123 View Post
Yes, most definitely.

I put my husband on a pedestal and look to him for inspiration. There are so many things that I think he does so much better than me, and I admire him for it. I would not have chosen him for my spouse if I did not feel he would positively influence my life.

I saw you put another thread up posing the opposite question - whether you positively influence your spouse.

I think a better question is - are you (or your spouse) open to influence?

I think all experiences can produce a positive influence if you are open to receiving the lesson from it. Even people that I've despised in my life have positively influenced me, even if the lesson is what NOT to do.

Is my H influenced by me? Inherently because we have been together so many years, yes. Willingly? I don't think so.

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Feel free to start that thread!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 04:53 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

My wife is a terribly negative person, and has been a terribly negative influence on me. I suspect my marriage has taken a few years off of my life. I have, however, learned some important things from the experience and overall, am a better person.

> I learnt how important my dreams are to me.

My wife tried very hard to dissuade me from pursuing my dreams, which put me in a position where I had to fight hard for what I wanted out of life and stay committed to it, in the absence of her emotional support.

> I learnt how to rely on myself more than anyone else.

In the same vein as above, without my wife supporting me on anything, I had to rely on myself for motivation.

> I learnt how to control my temper, and that no one else is to blame for my words or deeds.

For years, my wife and I were in a verbally abusive relationship. We had long arguments that lasted for hours upon hours (sometimes stretched across days), and we screamed and cussed at each other. It was clear that we both needed help, but I have not been able to get my wife to marriage counseling. I finally spoke to a therapist on my own and got the help I needed.

> I learnt what I really need in my marriage.

Being married to a woman who many times is the direct antithesis of what I need, I now have a very clear sense of what I need and why I need it. I'd like to think my present marriage or any future relationship (should my marriage not survive) will benefit from a deeper understanding of my own needs.

> I learnt of my weaknesses, as a man and husband.

Being married to a controlling, selfish woman has put me in many situations where my apathy prevailed over my will to lead. To avoid an argument, I've often given the reins over to my wife and forfeited some leadership responsibilities that in my opinion, men should own in their household.
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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 05:26 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

I am certainly a much better man because of my wife.

I know better.
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post #21 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 10:07 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

My wife and I have little in common other than our love and desire to live out our lives together. My wife balances me. I am very alpha and aggressive while she is calm. I think logically while she thinks with her emotions. She is there to remind me that most people do not have my IQ and people tend to view things differently than I do. My wife grounded me.

My best example of this is that I used to travel all over the world on business. I stayed at the most expensive hotels and was chauffeured in a Rolls or Mercedes. Wore custom suits and shirts and lived like a king. Then I come home and greet my wife who tells me that I need to take the garbage out before bedtime. That puts everything back into perspective again. Without someone to bring you down to earth it would be difficult to come down from the high life where you are catered to and spoiled. My wife brought me down to earth.

Many prefer to drown in a pool of their own morality rather than seek the safety of a different morality when the choice is monogamy or your marriage.
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post #22 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Not married, but live in BF of 5 years. He has definitely influenced my life in a positive way. And I have grown as a human being because of him. He has taught me not to sweat the small stuff. To mellow out and chill a little bit. I get agitated easily at the most stupid things. If I drop something, if I stub my toe, just stupid stuff.

I have learned from him to look at the bigger picture and not to get overwhelmed with the minutiae. I am an extremely detail-oriented person and I do have difficulty looking at the big picture.

I am also a big worrier. I am constantly looking at the consequences of my and others' actions. I call it being prepared. LOL. He calls it worrying. He has talked me through certain scenarios that I have anxiety over. And he has made me see that it doesn't have to be all bad.



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post #23 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Originally Posted by _anonymous_ View Post
My wife is a terribly negative person, and has been a terribly negative influence on me. I suspect my marriage has taken a few years off of my life. I have, however, learned some important things from the experience and overall, am a better person.

> I learnt how important my dreams are to me.

My wife tried very hard to dissuade me from pursuing my dreams, which put me in a position where I had to fight hard for what I wanted out of life and stay committed to it, in the absence of her emotional support.

> I learnt how to rely on myself more than anyone else.
Tt
In the same vein as above, without my wife supporting me on anything, I had to rely on myself for motivation.

> I learnt how to control my temper, and that no one else is to blame for my words or deeds.

For years, my wife and I were in a verbally abusive relationship. We had long arguments that lasted for hours upon hours (sometimes stretched across days), and we screamed and cussed at each other. It was clear that we both needed help, but I have not been able to get my wife to marriage counseling. I finally spoke to a therapist on my own and got the help I needed.

> I learnt what I really need in my marriage.

Being married to a woman who many times is the direct antithesis of what I need, I now have a very clear sense of what I need and why I need it. I'd like to think my present marriage or any future relationship (should my marriage not survive) will benefit from a deeper understanding of my own needs.

> I learnt of my weaknesses, as a man and husband.

Being married to a controlling, selfish woman has put me in many situations where my apathy prevailed over my will to lead. To avoid an argument, I've often given the reins over to my wife and forfeited some leadership responsibilities that in my opinion, men should own in their household.
This is really making the most with having been dealt a bad hand.
I salute you.

hopefully you have found happiness in spite of everything.
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post #24 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:22 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Love, organization, directness, TAM (I wonder about that one..)

Fulfilling my dream of having an outside the box life.

Je suis Charlie, Russian Metrojet, Beirut, Paris, Bamako.
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post #25 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:22 AM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

I appreciate the influences and inspirations my husband has brought to my life.

With attempting to share examples here, I began typing simply to then backspace and recognize the very things I feel he brings to my life, are the same things he's acknowledged I bring to his... the sentiment / theme is consistent between us - it's the context that is different.


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