Has your spouse been a good influence on you? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 08:43 AM Thread Starter
jld
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Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Has his or her influence made you a better person?

How so?


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #2 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:00 AM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Ex-spouse for me, and no, not really. My drive to succeed professionally, personally, and as a role my model to my kids came from within. She helped me be more social (I'm naturally introverted) throughout our time together, but I think that would have happened naturally as I matured anyway. I was always the dominant personality in the relationship so she naturally had much less influence on me than I did on her.

What I think has been the biggest influence on me was having kids. That's because I recognize I am their primary male role model and I try to live my life in the way I want them to emulate. I am very conscientious about how my life choices will influence theirs in the future and make sure that I am a person they can be proud of and respect. If I ever have a hard decision to make I think about what I'd want my kids to do if they were in the same situation and then act accordingly. Before I had kids I'd think about how my mom would have wanted me do. However, when I was married I never once transposed my wife into that scenario.
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post #3 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:01 AM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Yes! In lots of ways. He supports me with the whole fatness / weightloss thing for a start. I have lost 3st since we got together, so has he.

He encourages me to try new things (courses/jobs/food/places/hobbies). I now go swimming more, hill walking (new), Zumba (new), architecture (new), travelling (new). I now eat loads of new food thanks to him.

He encourages me to see family and friends more, with and without him.

He has encouraged me to clear my debts, to save, to get a pension.

I feel very grown up these days!

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post #4 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 09:14 AM
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Cool Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Has his or her influence made you a better person?

How so?
Two ex's on my part! What I learned:

XW#1- To feel sorry for her despite her rather volatile mental demeanor and physical condition!

RSXW- Just an overwhelming desire to go out behind people's backs and cheat! And to lie about it!

(Only being facetious with due regard to RSXW! In fact, I'd never want to either knowingly or unknowingly subject anybody to what it was that I was horrendously put through by her!)

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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Last edited by arbitrator; 04-11-2017 at 03:25 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #5 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Two ex's on my part! What I learned:

XW#1- To feel sorry for her despite her rather volatile mental demeanor and physical condition!

RSXW- Just an overwhelming desire to go out behind people's backs and cheat! And to lie about it!
It sounds like you learned a valuable lesson from wife #1, arb.

It sure is hard to be patient with people, though.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #6 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Yes! In lots of ways. He supports me with the whole fatness / weightloss thing for a start. I have lost 3st since we got together, so has he.

He encourages me to try new things (courses/jobs/food/places/hobbies). I now go swimming more, hill walking (new), Zumba (new), architecture (new), travelling (new). I now eat loads of new food thanks to him.

He encourages me to see family and friends more, with and without him.

He has encouraged me to clear my debts, to save, to get a pension.

I feel very grown up these days!

Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk
Sounds like he has been a great influence on you, megamuppet!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #7 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:43 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

Yes he has Its not all roses, we have an issue or two but we are working on it.

He isn't perfect but he is perfect for me x

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post #8 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Yes he has Its not all roses, we have an issue or two but we are working on it.

He isn't perfect but he is perfect for me x

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Lovely.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #9 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:48 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

She has actually made me worse having to deal with her constant negativity. Before I met her I was generally positive.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #10 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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She has actually made me worse having to deal with her constant negativity. Before I met her I was generally positive.
Have you tried to put up some inner shields?


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #11 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 02:02 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

On the whole, I'd say she's influenced me to be a better person. Prior to meeting her, I had very high walls with virtually everyone. She managed to get me to lower those to a degree. Recently, things have reversed course a bit, but on the whole I'm better off than where I started.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
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post #12 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

I don't think my wife's influence has made me a better person. For better or worse, I am largely who I was. There have been moments when she's made me better and (more recently) moments when my relationship with her has made me worse in some ways, but those fluctuations notwithstanding I'm who I was.
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post #13 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:43 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

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Have you tried to put up some inner shields?
At this stage in the game it's all about putting up inner shields...and shields over the shields. I can only change what I do to myself...I can't change her.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #14 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:44 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

hmm. . . . . I'm still thinking.

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #15 of 25 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:49 PM
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Re: Has your spouse been a good influence on you?

I have sincerely learned many of my most important life lessons from my x wife. Lessons about life, trust, relationships not only with women but with my children. I also learned who I really am and how I can survive whatever life throws at me. She probably was my greatest influence In shaping who I am today.

Last edited by Wolf1974; 04-11-2017 at 06:39 PM.
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