Have you been a good influence on your spouse? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 01:35 PM Thread Starter
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Have you been a good influence on your spouse?

How so?

Have they ever acknowledged this to you? What did they say?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:37 PM
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Re: Have you been a good influence on your spouse?

I'd say she would acknowledge that my influence has made her better in some ways, and worse in others.

She is more caring, more thoughtful, more spiritual than when I met her. My influence makes her a better parent than she is naturally inclined to be. I haven't set out to change or better her, because I've always liked the person I've believed her to be. But seeing these incremental changes in these areas is gratifying.

On the other hand, I think my provision for her has made her less driven, less ambitious. My acceptance of some of her flaws has exacerbated those flaws. In those ways I've not been a positive influence.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-11-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: Have you been a good influence on your spouse?

No.......clearly no. I did tried though but failed. Sometimes people just have so much inner turmoil they can't be or don't want help. You can't fix people. You can help maybe if they are weillimg to do for themselves but certinaly can't fix them when they decide to pull down their own world.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:10 PM
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Re: Have you been a good influence on your spouse?

Of course, I believe I do have a good influence on my wife. I brought her stability, unconditional love and trust. I know they are important to her.

I have brought other things, but I have brought her some headaches as well. I hope they have not offset the positive ones too much.

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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:26 PM
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Re: Have you been a good influence on your spouse?

I have been a good influence on my wife. Before she met me, she cared about what other people thought way too much. It was kind of funny because after a few months of dating some of her friends thought I was controlling. The reality was I told her to stop feeling bad for not being able to please everyone. She realized who her real friends were and who was just using her. She went from shy and afraid to assert herself, to someone who knows exactly what she wants.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 09:38 PM
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Re: Have you been a good influence on your spouse?


I'm the last remaining link with humanity that she has, an artifact of her refusal to build and sustain a social circle. She has worked from home for six years now, and that has really helped drive her deeper into the beyond.

I have influenced her professional development, pointing out areas she could improve on and even used cognitive behavioral therapy techniques quite successfully in limited areas to help her.

It's not a stretch to say that she would have fared far worse without my people skills and subtle - or not - manipulation. It's more of a testament to her indifference to practical aspects of life than anything else.

As the day of reckoning approaches, I truly hope some sanity will prevail, but I'm too pragmatic to allow myself to be an optimist. And, there are many areas that I could be a great influence but am not simply because it's not worth the effort.
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