Coming back to the dating world - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 09:52 AM
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Re: Coming back to the dating world

JBH, Tinder like most OLD is setup in a woman's favor due to the M:F ratio using the app. The best strategy to maximize your connections is just swipe right on everyone (there are apps that will do that for you) then go back and look at the matches you have. Message the ones that are attractive/interesting and delete the others right away before you are temped to lower your standards.

Another piece of advice is I personally liked watching the Corey Wayne videos on utube when I was getting back into dating. They'll give you some good perspective that matches the type of dating philosophy I have. He also has a book out.

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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-18-2017, 02:19 PM
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Re: Coming back to the dating world

best advice I give about coming back into dating for guys:

It's a numbers game so get on all the OLD sites you can and if you find them attractive email them

Don't spend a lot of time or effort on first meets, they should be short and simple and under 30 minutes

Date with the perspective to have fun not to find the love of your life. That may happen however most dates will turn out to be a one time meet and then nothing at all

Make sure you present well. As a guy you have a lot of competition. You don't need to be rich, or have rock hard abs but being the best version of yourself will help. New clothes, haircut and getting into shape will boost your confidence

Enjoy and have fun. Dating is suppose to be fun. If it feels like work or non stop disappointment take a break for awhile.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 12:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Coming back to the dating world

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
JBH, Tinder like most OLD is setup in a woman's favor due to the M:F ratio using the app. The best strategy to maximize your connections is just swipe right on everyone (there are apps that will do that for you) then go back and look at the matches you have. Message the ones that are attractive/interesting and delete the others right away before you are temped to lower your standards.

Another piece of advice is I personally liked watching the Corey Wayne videos on utube when I was getting back into dating. They'll give you some good perspective that matches the type of dating philosophy I have. He also has a book out.
Thanks, Banana,
I also enjoy Corey Wayne's videos.

As for the Tinder idea, well...I'm not really sold on the strategy or swiping right for everyone. It seems like a waste of time (at least if I'm doing it by hand) if I have to go back in and delete them afterwards anyways. How does it help to get matches from girls you wouldn't be intersted in from the get-go and then delete them afterwards? I would like hear the reasoning behind this strategy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
best advice I give about coming back into dating for guys:

It's a numbers game so get on all the OLD sites you can and if you find them attractive email them

Don't spend a lot of time or effort on first meets, they should be short and simple and under 30 minutes

Date with the perspective to have fun not to find the love of your life. That may happen however most dates will turn out to be a one time meet and then nothing at all

Make sure you present well. As a guy you have a lot of competition. You don't need to be rich, or have rock hard abs but being the best version of yourself will help. New clothes, haircut and getting into shape will boost your confidence

Enjoy and have fun. Dating is suppose to be fun. If it feels like work or non stop disappointment take a break for awhile.
Thanks, @Wolf1974

I plan on getting together w/ a female friend I haven't seen in awhile and have her help me with a makeover of my wardrobe and other assets of my life.


Alright, so I wanted to update you guys on this girl I asked out last week (as mentioned a few posts above this on my thread). Again, to clarify, she lives in CA where I'm temporarily located, but in another, smaller shop (I'm at the Central Hub). We've had some pretty fun conversations via IM on Skype, and the few times I've talked to her, she just "sounds" really fun and attractive.

After telling me her phone was broken, I was going to wait a day or 2 then ask "what type of phone did you get?" Friday rolls around and I notice she's not online. I eventually called the store for a business related issue and casually the guy answered was working alone (because they had been short-staffed for awhile). He said "No, it's me and Jake". "Really?" I replied, "F's not there? she's always there when I call-in, heh" "No he responded, she took a day off and went to the doctor's office"

So long story short, she took the weekend off because she wasn't feeling well, and it was a legit reason.

Since the weekend, she still seems pretty engaged in our conversations and seems to really enjoy talking to me, though she will often take awhile to respond, but I'm assuming that again, it's because they're short-staffed and she chats me up between rushes of dealing with customers"

Some quick examples
--She mentions getting stuck in traffic. I suggest she get a helicopter and then tell her that I often fantasize about being able to take off in my car and fly over traffic. She comes back with "OMG, I imagine that like everyday"

--I call her shop to verify availability showing in my system software to schedule an appt (which seemed highly unlikely due to our recent overload of work) she tells me it's not available. I sarcastically joke about we need to "Trust the System", which is one of the mantras our company often preaches, and then joke about the system is often wrong. She responds with a similiar gripe, followed by "It Liiiiiiieeeesssss!"

--I asked her what she likes to do for fun in her spare time. She tells me likes Animals and art, and well sometimes Draw, sing and take her dogs for walks, and then mentions how her and her BOYFRIEND do that a lot together (Boyfriend wasn't in caps though--I did that for emphasis).

She also asked "WBU?" What do you do for fun besides outdoorsy stuff?'

After I saw her mention her boyfriend, I'm like "well crap, well that probably shoots down any chance of actually hanging out with her. But then a little conflicting series of thoughts began to emerge.

"I mean, does this really mean I can't hang out with her?" Obviously, were not going to try and start a relationship and there wouldn't be any "come to my place afterwards"--we just be having fun for one afternoon--I guess. Is it really even considered a date?"

But on the other hand, does that make it even worth the effort? What if I get her in trouble with her BF!!

I figured if I did ask her out, it would be something along the lines of "Hey F, I know you have a bf, but would you possibley still want to hang out this Saturday--if you felt uncomfortable with that, I would def understand"

Much less smooth than the more assumptive approach I was initially going to use of "So, when are we going to hang out--we better do it soon because I'm not going to be around for long"

Last edited by JukeboxHero; 04-21-2017 at 12:39 AM.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:57 AM
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Re: Coming back to the dating world

The tinder strategy makes a lot of sense. Think about it this way. I checked up the tinder rules and you get 100 likes per 12 hours. If you go through and pay attention you'll probably see 50% that you consider attractive and check into their pictures. That means to get to your 100 right swipes you have to look at 200 profiles/pictures and that will take quite a bit of time. If you sit on the couch and watch TV and swipe right to everyone without paying attention you've committed basically no time. You'll probably get just a handful of matches from those swipes and you can then go through those 1-10 people's profile, which takes much less time than going through 200 profiles. Rinse and repeat and you'll find someone within a couple days to connect with that you find attractive. But, don't get desperate and lower your standards. If you wouldn't introduce the women to your buddies and get a high five of approval, then don't take them home.

If you've been watching the Corey Wayne videos you'll know not to waste your time friend zoning that woman. Instead if you are interested in her, just be direct. Say, "hey, I know you said you have a boyfriend but I'm interested in taking you on a date if you are available. Are you in a committed exclusive relationship or is it a casual relationship with him?" If she says that it's a committed relationship but she still wants to be friends, tell her that you aren't interested in friendship and if she becomes single again to give you a call. If she's just casually dating him then set up a definite time to meet and go out. If you value yourself and have high self esteem, being friend zoned by a woman that you like won't be an acceptable way to invest your time. You've got to know that it is a bad idea, right??
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 05:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Coming back to the dating world

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
The tinder strategy makes a lot of sense. Think about it this way. I checked up the tinder rules and you get 100 likes per 12 hours. If you go through and pay attention you'll probably see 50% that you consider attractive and check into their pictures. That means to get to your 100 right swipes you have to look at 200 profiles/pictures and that will take quite a bit of time. If you sit on the couch and watch TV and swipe right to everyone without paying attention you've committed basically no time. You'll probably get just a handful of matches from those swipes and you can then go through those 1-10 people's profile, which takes much less time than going through 200 profiles. Rinse and repeat and you'll find someone within a couple days to connect with that you find attractive. But, don't get desperate and lower your standards. If you wouldn't introduce the women to your buddies and get a high five of approval, then don't take them home.

If you've been watching the Corey Wayne videos you'll know not to waste your time friend zoning that woman. Instead if you are interested in her, just be direct. Say, "hey, I know you said you have a boyfriend but I'm interested in taking you on a date if you are available. Are you in a committed exclusive relationship or is it a casual relationship with him?" If she says that it's a committed relationship but she still wants to be friends, tell her that you aren't interested in friendship and if she becomes single again to give you a call. If she's just casually dating him then set up a definite time to meet and go out. If you value yourself and have high self esteem, being friend zoned by a woman that you like won't be an acceptable way to invest your time. You've got to know that it is a bad idea, right??
I get that being direct is a good approach, and I really like the way you phrased that.
So, I didn't say it like that, but I did ask her once more (on my last day in the Bay area) if she wanted to hang out before I left. She said "aww I would love to but I'm driving to Monterey Beach tonight for my BF's birthday party!" She then told me about her plans to surprise him and rent Dune Buggies the following day.

Needless to say, it seems like she was committed to her BF. Not that any of that matters, as I live across the US and I don't think I want an LDR (since my first one failed). Also, I never even met her, she sounded cute, but there may not have been any attraction there.

Anyways, I'm back in OH now, so moving on..

I'm a little confused as to why the Friends-Zone is such a bad thing! Why is it cool to hang out with guys, but being friends with a female is "wasting your time". Unless I'm only out to get laid or have a romantic relationship, and as long as I can move on and pursue other women, I don't see why this is such terrible thing. Hell, I could use more female friends (or any friends really) widens your social circle and might help you might other chicks. Plus, being around attractive women a lot, even as platonic friends would probably help me with my social skills and it would be less pressure since I know there's not romantic possibility.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old Today, 11:41 AM
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Re: Coming back to the dating world

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Originally Posted by JukeboxHero View Post
I'm a little confused as to why the Friends-Zone is such a bad thing! Why is it cool to hang out with guys, but being friends with a female is "wasting your time". Unless I'm only out to get laid or have a romantic relationship, and as long as I can move on and pursue other women, I don't see why this is such terrible thing. Hell, I could use more female friends (or any friends really) widens your social circle and might help you might other chicks. Plus, being around attractive women a lot, even as platonic friends would probably help me with my social skills and it would be less pressure since I know there's not romantic possibility.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with having female friends, assuming they really are friends (e.g. you share the same hobbies). There is something wrong with trying to be friends with a woman you are attracted to hoping that she'll change her mind and develop feelings for you. This might come off as a little judgmental, but you lack confidence to see what you want and directly go after it. Going for the safe alternative of being in the "friend zone" will not help you develop inner confidence and better yourself. Why do you fear pressure of social situations and think you need a woman as a crutch to handle them? How about just insert yourself in the situations you are uneasy about until they no longer bother you and develop your social skills that way?
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