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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-12-2017, 11:51 PM Thread Starter
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Divorce

Does divorce mean failure 😢 or weakness?

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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:05 AM
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Re: Divorce

Boy that didn't talk long you went from a post asking for help to Divorce. Maybe failure I don't think weakness. Not trying to fix your problems seems like weakness. If your intimate goal was to stay married for the rest of your life then you failed. Lots of people do. If your husband got help do you think you would divorce him though? Maybe he just needs the come to Jesus moment.
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Divorce

.

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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Divorce

I'm not gonna divorce over this.. 30 & he is 28

We have a long way to go

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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:34 AM
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Re: Divorce

Every marriage is not blissful, this is some of the peoples going for divorce. There are so many reasons that end up with divorce.

* Worst Husband/ Wife
* Husband not support for family and childs.
* Wife mentally disturbed.
* Husband affair with some other girls
* Wife affair with some other girls
* Sexual weakness and so many

This kind of problems results in divorce.
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Divorce

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Originally Posted by christopher55 View Post
Every marriage is not blissful, this is some of the peoples going for divorce. There are so many reasons that end up with divorce.

* Worst Husband/ Wife
* Husband not support for family and childs.
* Wife mentally disturbed.
* Husband affair with some other girls
* Wife affair with some other girls
* Sexual weakness and so many

This kind of problems results in divorce.
I agree

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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:06 AM
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Re: Divorce

I don't think it needs to be defined as either, sometimes it's the best option to end a bad situation, and it takes courage to admit that.

Frankly if I had to reflect on my marriage and divorce I was weak and failing daily trying to save an unhealthy marriage. The strong and sensible thing to do would have been to end it ten years sooner.

Your situation is a bit different DEMI16. You entered into a relationship by cheating on your partner and that carries a whole bag of guilt with it. Yes I know, your ex was a cheating jerk, regardless, now you feel compelled to stick it out in a relationship with another man you are not happy with.

I think the strong thing to do would be to focus on what's healthy for you and your children.....and that may or may not include a man in your life.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:18 AM
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Re: Divorce

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Originally Posted by DEMI6 View Post
Does divorce mean failure 😢 or weakness?

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No, not necessarily. And yet, yes, sometimes it means both failure & weakness. Or just one and not the other. It really depends on the situation.

It takes 2 to make a marriage work but only 1 to destroy it. I also think that not everyone should be married. They're just not the marrying kind for whatever reason but they fail to recognize it.

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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:39 AM
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Re: Divorce

Divorces occur for so many reasons. Often its not because of weakness or failure, but because one spouse acts terribly. People can divorce their spouse against their will (as happened with my husband in his first marriage). Even their pastor told her that she had no reason to end the marriage, but she had met another man and that was that.
He felt guilty until I managed to show him that it wasn't his actions that ended the marriage but hers. It wasn't his weakness or failure, but hers.
I know he is a good husband and a great man, because we have been married for 12 years this year.

Yes some people do give up far too easily, but when there is serial cheating or serious abuse, I would say that sometimes its weakness and failure that makes people stay, out of fear of being alone, or fear of being poor, or fear of what others will think etc.
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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:40 AM
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Re: Divorce

Divorce can't be boxed up that easily.

I married thinking it was forever and I still would have preferred that it was. But that's not how it worked out. I gave it my best effort for a number of decades. I don't view it as a failure and I don't view it as a weakness. I view it as life. Nothing more.

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post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:49 AM
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Re: Divorce

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Does divorce mean failure 😢 or weakness?

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As is the answer to most any question - it depends. It depends on the circumstances. Did you choose or was it chosen for you? Depending on the circumstances it could be seen as failure (if you chose it for reasons that don't make sense), success (if you finally overcame some deep seated fear), weakness (if you just gave in to temptation) or strength (if you fought to get thru a bad marriage) It could also be sees as a sign of stupidity if you walked away from a good thing for no reason or intelligence if you recognized some issues impossible to solve. Ultimately, though however divorce may be looked at is still your choice.
When my wife left our 24 year long marriage, I felt like a failure (and still do at times). I felt as though everything I had ever wanted was taken from me. I didn't want the divorce. I fought to save the marriage. Looking back, I realize I had been fighting to save the marriage for years before it ended. In the end, without success. But I also realize I was not happy. She was not the woman I had married. She had changed. But so had I. I was not the man she married. In some ways better, in some ways worse.
Now almost three years later, I try to look at my marriage as a success. We lasted over two decades. We raised two healthy, happy, independent self-sufficient adults. It did not end as I wanted or desired and that still makes me sad. There are times I think of my ex and can only see her weakness and stupidity (from my perspective) but when I try to be empathetic I can almost admire her bravery and strength for ending something I was not willing to end.
In some ways it is like having to put a pet down. You know they are sick and hurting but you love them and still want them around. Some will think you are cruel and heartless for having them put down. Others will admire your bravery and courage for doing the right thing. So once again it depends.
As long as you are OK with it and can live with your decision, that is all that matters. You may come to regret that decision, but again you may not. If you do, as with all of your past, all you can do is learn from it and grow.

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post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 02:11 PM
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Re: Divorce

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Originally Posted by Cooper View Post
I don't think it needs to be defined as either, sometimes it's the best option to end a bad situation, and it takes courage to admit that.

Frankly if I had to reflect on my marriage and divorce I was weak and failing daily trying to save an unhealthy marriage. The strong and sensible thing to do would have been to end it ten years sooner.

Your situation is a bit different DEMI16. You entered into a relationship by cheating on your partner and that carries a whole bag of guilt with it. Yes I know, your ex was a cheating jerk, regardless, now you feel compelled to stick it out in a relationship with another man you are not happy with.

I think the strong thing to do would be to focus on what's healthy for you and your children.....and that may or may not include a man in your life.
Well said
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post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:15 PM
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Does divorce mean failure 😢 or weakness?

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It can often be perceived as that ~ but sometimes it can mean "strength!"

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post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:05 PM
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Cool Re: Divorce

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Originally Posted by christopher55 View Post
Every marriage is not blissful, this is some of the peoples going for divorce. There are so many reasons that end up with divorce.

* Worst Husband/ Wife
* Husband not support for family and childs.
* Wife mentally disturbed.
* Husband affair with some other girls
* Wife affair with some other girls
* Sexual weakness and so many

This kind of problems results in divorce.
How about a lying, deceptive, "stab-you-in-the back," rich, cheating skank wife who'd rather be off carousing around in other men's pants much rather than her very own?

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post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:17 PM
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Re: Divorce

I would argue that remaining married to someone who treats you like crap could be defined as failure or weakness.
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