My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 84Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:13 PM
TRy
Member
 
TRy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,557
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheUndecidedHusband View Post
Well about 2 years ago she expressed to me that she was bisexual. Well she also told me that she have never done anything besides kiss a girl, but always wanted to have a lesbian experience. Well i found out she had looked at porn and master bated a few times. Well come two years later we have continued to talk, and we don't want to cause any issues in our marriage, but i feel like i stopped her from truly discovering her sexuality. We both got married so young, and she is the only woman i have ever been with. She has been with a couple guys
Both of you have the same thing in common. Neither of you have experienced another woman. Why is it OK for her to break her marriage vows to "discover her sexuality", but not OK for you to do the same. Look you are either in a monogamous marriage or you are not. What if in experimenting with her bisexuality she prefers the other woman? If she wants to sexually experience someone out of the marriage, please wait for your child to be old enough for the two of you to be divorced.

TRy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:16 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,547
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

I'm sorry if you were offended, OP. My response was sincere and from my gut, just based on what you wrote.

I don't think people who desire same sex relations are going to change. And I guess I am too big a believer in monogamy to ever recommend anything else. So to me it looks like for each of you to live out your true sexual nature, and be at peace, a divorce is in order.

Again, sorry if my response offended. Did not mean for it to. Please feel free to ignore.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #18 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:27 PM
Member
 
DayOne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,273
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

@jld , I was more concerned Fozzy had hacked your account!
DayOne is online now  
post #19 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:28 PM
TRy
Member
 
TRy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,557
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
First off OP you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience. She is the only person who can give an experience to herself. You don't own her.
You saying that "you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience" and that "You don't own her", is exactly what almost every cheater says in justifying their cheating. It is right out of the cheaters playbook. Of course this is bull, because expecting them to keep their marriage vows has nothing to do with owning them. If your spouse breaks their vows and has sex with someone else, you have a right to divorce them. If they do not want you to divorce them, then they are expected to keep to their vows. It is as simple as that. The whole "You don't own her" argument is nothing more than a straw-man tactic that is great in a debate class but not helpful in a marriage.
TRy is offline  
post #20 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:16 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,552
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TRy View Post
You saying that "you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience" and that "You don't own her", is exactly what almost every cheater says in justifying their cheating. It is right out of the cheaters playbook. Of course this is bull, because expecting them to keep their marriage vows has nothing to do with owning them. If your spouse breaks their vows and has sex with someone else, you have a right to divorce them. If they do not want you to divorce them, then they are expected to keep to their vows. It is as simple as that. The whole "You don't own her" argument is nothing more than a straw-man tactic that is great in a debate class but not helpful in a marriage.
So very true. I don't OWN my wife, but I expect her to be monogamous and not screw anyone else. She has the same expectation of me. I can't just go have sex with someone and pull the "controlling" card when she gets angry.

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk

"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is online now  
post #21 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:19 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,547
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
@jld , I was more concerned Fozzy had hacked your account!
?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #22 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:27 PM
Member
 
Fozzy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 4,659
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
?
It's in reference to a sarcastic post I made a few days ago along the same lines.

Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me! --- Sebastian
Fozzy is offline  
post #23 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:30 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,547
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fozzy View Post
It's in reference to a sarcastic post I made a few days ago along the same lines.
Oh, okay. Thanks!

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #24 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:30 PM
Forum Supporter
 
heartbroken50's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: New England
Posts: 1,728
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Bi-curious woman here. Married 20 years.

I didn't discover my attraction/interest in women until after I was married. While I do often fantasize about being with another woman or having an FMF threesome, I never felt driven to experience it in real life as I never wanted to risk my marriage. Mr HB was very excited about the idea and would have done it in a heartbeat if I had said so. It was a frequent part of our fantasy sex life together and very enjoyable for both of us.

The way we handled it was to visit a strip club together. Not all the time, maybe once or twice a year... and we would share a lap dance together. Mr HB has never been one to visit these clubs on his own or with buddies, so I never felt threatened in that sense. We found the dancers were almost always more attentive to me than to him, since they knew that he was enjoying the girl/girl visuals too.

For me, having some hot stripper rub her naked self on me satisfied my curiosities. For Mr HB, it was as close as he was going to get to his bucket list 3some. And it certainly sparked some pretty intense lovin' after each visit.

There are other issues more recently in my marriage, so we have not gone in a while. But in a secure relationship and if you are doing it together (the together part is very important I think) and communicating well before, during, and after it might be a fun way to explore without risking your marriage.
heartbroken50 is offline  
post #25 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:44 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,538
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Different people have different opinions.

If it were me, my feelings would be the following:

If my wife really preferred women to men, then I'd rather she found that out and left, than lived unhappily. So I would be OK with her experimenting. I have not sense of jealousy toward women, so I'm convinced it wouldn't bother me. Ground rules:

She tells me, preferably before but at least after.

Its for sex, not a relationship. If they start socializing, I want to be invited. (I'd like to be invited for a 3some too ;-), but that isn't necessary). She makes it clear to the other woman that its sex only.

It never gets in the way our our sex life -she can have all the sex she wants with another woman, but not do so and then turn me down.

If she starts developing feelings, she tells me so we can talk about it.


Remember though, my feelings on relationships are different. I always want to be my wife's first choice, so I don't want to keep her from other options, I want her to choose me over those other options.
You still must acknowledge it's a big risk. Sex is designed to create bonding. Is your wife cool with you getting sex on the side to? If not doesn't seem like a fair deal to me. But to each his own.

sokillme is online now  
post #26 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:48 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,538
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ynot View Post
I tend to agree with Uhtred. First off OP you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience. She is the only person who can give an experience to herself. You don't own her. Better her to be honest now, and let nature takes its course than to have her lie and allow resentment and regret to grow. I am not advocating cheating, I am only advocating honesty. At the very least you will know and then plan your own life accordingly.
Agreed. My wife honestly tells me she is going to go have sex with someone else, I honestly tell her the marriage is over. But I think she would know that anyway. My wife tells me she resents that she can't get some sex on the side I tell her I picked the wrong person to marry and move on. I don't see these things as big challenges. I see them as you picked the wrong person to be married to. Lots of people do especially young.

I never understand why a marriage contract, which is pretty much the most important contract than 99% of all the contracts people will sign in their lives, stipulations are taken so lightly.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-13-2017 at 02:54 PM.
sokillme is online now  
post #27 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,538
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I'm sorry if you were offended, OP. My response was sincere and from my gut, just based on what you wrote.

I don't think people who desire same sex relations are going to change. And I guess I am too big a believer in monogamy to ever recommend anything else. So to me it looks like for each of you to live out your true sexual nature, and be at peace, a divorce is in order.

Again, sorry if my response offended. Did not mean for it to. Please feel free to ignore.
I can't believe I agree with jld.
sokillme is online now  
post #28 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:51 PM
jld
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 19,547
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sokillme View Post
I can't believe I agree with jld.
You finally have a correct opinion.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
jld is offline  
post #29 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:55 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,538
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
You finally have a correct opinion.
I may have to up my meds, or lower them.
sokillme is online now  
post #30 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 03:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 963
Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheUndecidedHusband View Post
...together for 5 years now. We got married at 16 after i got her pregnant, but we are very much in love and have been for a long time. Well about 2 years ago she expressed to me that she was bisexual.

....she is the only woman i have ever been with. She has been with a couple guys, but i haven't had to worry about her cheating on me in the past.

....Am i wrong for possibly letting her have this? I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea. At this point its just an idea.

.....Just don't know how i feel exactly, but she knows this and has agreed i have full reigns on this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheUndecidedHusband View Post
.... As for you people saying I'm hoping to have a threesome. I actually yes get turned on but the idea of it, but really don't think i want that. Im not hoping for a threesome and hoping it becomes regular. We talk very much and she doesnt necessary like the idea of me being involved with another woman, but she understands my point of view.

....My wife is not bicurious. She has very strong sexual desires for woman, but she has stronger EMOTIONAL feeling with men. She has somewhat experiment with other women, but nothing to in depth. This is merely discussion at this point, but I'm still trying to understand how i feel about the idea. I do know i wouldn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of her doing whatever with another woman, without me at least watching, or seeing a video recording.

.... We have children, and we are still very happy being married. Until it becomes a very serious issue, that is a last resort.
A few thoughts. First read HB50's post. She has been there and not done that!

There are a few things that I think you really need to resolve in your own mind. I would absolutely not do what you are thinking of doing.

(1) You claim you wife is not bi-curious, but has a preference for lesbian relationship. That is a huge red flag and danger to your marriage. You really need to understand if that is true or not.

(2)You want to be part of a three-some and sort of feel entitled to being there and at least watching. Your wife isn't happy with that. I see this as a real problem in that this isn't you allowing her to explore something, this is you getting to participate in it in some way. So this is not you lovingly and unilaterally giving your wife a pass, She has told you she does want you involved and yet that is where your mind is. That is another red flag warning about the health of your marriate.

(3) You have small children and what you and/or your wife are contemplating could put their happiness in jeopardy. So is your wife willing to place you kids as potential collateral damage to her marriage, just to fulfill her sexual exploration? Are you willing to place them at risk for your shot at some kind of 3-some?

Again, I would not recommend approving your wife having a sexual affair with another woman. Will your wife practice safe sex (dental dams, gloves?) If you really don't want her to be resentful, ask if you can do some role playing that might either satisfy her curiosity (assuming it isn't an outright preference for women). HB50 talked about visiting a strip club for lap dances, which seems a reasonable slippery slope compromise.

There is an interesting TED talk about Monogomy 2.0 or Monogomish that you might want to watch. It talks about "thoughts without actions, "actions without violating your wedding vows" and things that a husband and wife can do together without violating their marriage vows. It is geared toward a FMF, but more for satisfying the Husbands sexual fantasy, but with a little role playing and reversal, you could make it basically work for your wife's situation. It is likely playing with fire, but still much better than having her have an affair or controlled cheating. Skip ahead to the 10 minute mark and then listen to what she has to say, if you really want to move your wife's fantasy forward, in a controlled way.

Now I have a final piece of advice. Based on the items 1, 2, & 3 above you and your wife really should make an appointment with a sex therapist. Sex therapists are marriage counselors with additional training in sexual problems, orientations, etc. If she really isn't bi-curious but prefers women, the marriage you think you have is in crisis.

Good luck.
Young at Heart is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome