Originally Posted by TheUndecidedHusband View Post
My question is. Am i wrong for possibly letting her have this? I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea. At this point its just an idea.
Ever wonder if you will resent it, why is she entitled to resent something but you are not allowed to? Let me ask you another question, would it be fun for you to have a mistress that was really just about some side sex with not strings attached? Or how about going to a very attractive high-class hooker once and a while, and having wild out of the box sex. Here is another one, if your wife has small breast, should your wife be cool with you hooking up with a women with big breast because you never got the chance to do that? Is it wrong for her to prevent you from having any of these experiences because it makes her uncomfortable. What's the difference? Have you ever had the experience of having a mistress? Why do you have to have this experience for your life to be fulfilling, just because it may be fun?
Do you get my point? For most and I am assuming you, when you take marriage vows you are agreeing to the fact that you are giving up some potential experiences that may be great fun. At least that is what most people are doing. That is why they are vows, that is why they should not be taken lightly, it why there is a big ceremony done in front of all your friends and family. It's not like signing a phone contract.
From your post your wife is cool with not having this experience because she loves you. Do you know how many faithful people have the temptation to have some side sex and don't? I don't get why the gender of the potential hook up makes any difference. I DO see lots of young men now a days feeling guilty by having just the very basic boundaries when it comes to what they will accept in a relationship. I have a few theories why that is but you probably need to work that out on your own.
Here is the deal your wife made a promise to you, you are not controlling, being mean or part of the patriarchy by holding her to it. Besides that she wants to keep it, but even if she didn't you should not feel guilty about it. Honestly something is wrong that you do. This doesn't make you a bad man, it makes you an assertive man, it makes you honorable, it makes you a human being with pretty much the basic standards when it comes to a monogamous relationship. Your wife is yours you should righteous protect that. You should covet her sexuality, not freely give it away. Believe me most people want that, and I believe most women need it because it makes them feel secure. It makes them feel loved. Men who are quick to give their wives away look weak, even if the wives don't see this consciously they instinctively know it, and it brings them doubts. Would you have doubts of about your wives love for your sexuality if she just let you go out at night and hook up?
One more question, are you a child of divorce? How active was your father in your life? Just seeing if my assumptions are right. There is a reason why you are feeling guilty about something that is a natural healthy part of your nature.
Let her have her fantasies, nothing wrong with that, but keep them fantasies. If she is Gay then your have some big problems and your marriage is probably over, if she is Bi then it's really no different then is she wanted to screw some strange man. You made vows for a reason.
As far as threesomes they are the Russian Roulette of marriage.