My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:27 AM Thread Starter
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My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Admins, feel free to move this thread to wherever it belongs. So try not to poke fun. My wife and i have been together for 5 years now. We got married at 16 after i got her pregnant, but we are very much in love and have been for a long time. Well about 2 years ago she expressed to me that she was bisexual. Well she also told me that she have never done anything besides kiss a girl, but always wanted to have a lesbian experience. Well i found out she had looked at porn and master bated a few times. Well come two years later we have continued to talk, and we don't want to cause any issues in our marriage, but i feel like i stopped her from truly discovering her sexuality. We both got married so young, and she is the only woman i have ever been with. She has been with a couple guys, but i haven't had to worry about her cheating on me in the past. We are very open about and talk about sex easily. We talk about things we like and dislike. My wife has admitted she feels kinda bad since she has never had that experience,but refuses to do anything about it since we are married. Well we talked and we are going to explore the possibility of letting her have ONE experience. My question is. Am i wrong for possibly letting her have this? I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea. At this point its just an idea. Nothing is set in stone, and she has agreed to be completely open with me, and if i say no more, its stops. Am i horrible for doing this? Do you think it could cause issues in our marriage? Im just worried that she may late try to have an experience without me knowing if i don't let her have this. Just don't know how i feel exactly, but she knows this and has agreed i have full reigns on this.

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post #2 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:46 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

No.

It's still a violation of your marriage.

What if instead of being attracted to women, she was attracted to a guy of a different race? Would that be OK to "let her have the experience"?

Or if she said she was "polyamorous" and wanted 2 or 3 guys at once? Would that be ok to "let her have the experience"?

It's still a violation of her commitment to you.
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post #3 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:59 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

If it's something you both agree to do - that is up to you. There are many open / bisexual couples out there. In general, it may not be recommended. Having sex outside the marriage can wreck it as well. Women have left their husbands to be with another woman. Happens.

You both should look at research and info about it. I'm not so much a "pro" with this particular thread, but stating that you both should make sure it's something that wants to be done and possible pitfalls. Unfortunately, you both have some dangers.
- You both have limit sexual experience with others. (This can and does create "I wonder what it would have been like to do...")
- You both married WAY to young, at 21~22 years old, neither of you are the same persons you were 5 years ago. If you both stay *happily* married at age 25+, then you guys are doing GREAT. At 20~22yr old is common for a couple who have been together since high-school to break up. The "I want to experience women" is one of those signs, either it weakens or strengthens you. You both need to talk about it... look into from those who have actually done it.
- I think you are correct with the " I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea." - its a double edge sword at this point forward. It's GREAT that you both are talking about it... if you both ever go forward with it - you better make sure you BOTH are very solid in your marriage.
You have about 4 different tracks that may happen:

1 - She doesn't have sex with another woman, resentment or desire grows with age (I think this is more likely than not) - she ends up having an affair with another woman anyway without you knowing it. There are aggressive lesbians out there that get off on in popping the cherry of bi-curious or straight women. Consider your wife bi-curious. By having sex with a woman without you knowing about it, she'll be having an affair which means broken communication with you and the marriage is at severe risk.

2 - She doesn't ever have sex with another woman - but either (A) lives with it and moves on (B) resents you or herself (C) waits until the marriage is over or you have an affair and its an excuse. (D) she gets help, you both read the book "NOT JUST FRIENDS" by Shirly Glass and just keeps such urges in check.

3 - She does have a "controlled" sexual experience with a woman. Becomes good friends with that woman, an affair develops, sex behind your back and the marriage dies.

4 - She does have a "controlled" sexual experience with a woman. Doesn't like it or satisfied with crossing it off her bucket list. Maybe you are involved or not - 3some or you watch. There is a difference between F/F sex and F/M/F threesome sex. By all means, finding another woman is quite easy. And you guys never do it again.

5 - She does have a "controlled" sexual experience with a woman. FF or FMF - and one or both or three of you decide you want to do it again... now what? Do you make it a birthday/yearly thing or monthly or a relationship thing, the more sex out of marriage, the more likely of tanking the marriage. IF you do this, make sure you both talk about your feelings after the first time, never too much.

Points to note: The desire to EXPERIENCE things grows with age for many, but not all people. I've known 40+ year old ex-housewives who have gone full sex-freak mode to experience everything they didn't do in their teens or twenties. I did this myself to a degree (I am a man)

I have many years of Open Relationships (OR), about 15 years. My wife, not so much. But she is bisexual, has been in full lesbian GF relationships. I knew this since our first date. And I am OR friendly, so I was quite cool for her to experience things together as a couple. So we did FMF and MFM. But she still cheated on me (with a young man) and it destroyed our marriage. We are back together, almost a year now. I am still pro OR - for those who can handle it / do it properly. My wife didn't do so well, even though she had fun with other women. I don't know the future of our relationship - its better today than before. But of course, I'm not having sex with others and of course, neither is she.

Maybe we will revisit it, but once a year. "The Purge" type thing heheheh. But I don't want to hurt what I have now. I'd rather us be one couple for the next 20+ years, than be OR and end up cheating and breaking up a few years from now.

You are supportive and trying to be understanding, that's cool. But you need to be able to handle it. But IMHO, I would make sure that *YOU* also get equal sex with another woman or the same woman. If its just your wife... then you have a power imbalance... not fair, she gets to play around and you don't? Have you asked your wife about that aspect? "okay, you have sex with a woman. Do I get to share or have sex with a woman too?" Reason to bring this up is to show her YOUR side of things.
IF she has ISSUES with you having sex with another woman (or the same in a threesome) - then she has NO business doing the same thing to you. Make sense?

Personally, I think it should be a 3some, you do it as a team... transparency. But because it's like virgin sex, it may not be so great doing it one time. Nervous, doing something for the first time. It's likely she'd ask for another go at it and you would likely say "yeah".

Don't ever think either of you can't cheat on the other. I think Vinnydee maybe able to give some advice in this area.

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post #4 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 04:24 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

She is asking for permission to cheat on you.

If you allow this you will feel dreadful.

Been there, done that.

And let me tell you, it sucks.

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #5 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:01 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

I think you'd be opening a massive can of worms by allowing her to go have her bisexual experience.

She's in a relationship with you, so she has fantasies...who doesn't? Try to keep them that way.

What if she likes it, and wants to do it again?

What if she likes it, but promises never to do it again, but it leaves you feeling hyper-vigilant whenever she gets a new female friend?
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post #6 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:34 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

You are talking about letting your wife cheat on you.
"One" experience? What if she likes it?

I suspected etc yes you are hoping this will lead to a threesome and you'll get that regularly. Dream on. Your wife won't be the first to run off with another woman.

Marriage--- you're either in, or you're out. Your wife wants out.
Better to know now than after wasting your life.

Btw--- if she was "very much in love" with you, she wouldn't have lesbian sex on her brain. Wake up!

I wanted to edit my response since I read your post again and see that your wife is refusing since she is married. Well she is RIGHT to refuse. You are stupid for considering this. What a huge pandora's box you're just dying to unlock.

Hypothetical situation: I've been married since a young age and always wanted a threesome. Or, always wanted to have sex with some young, sexy woman with a perfect body. One day while going to work, I see a beautiful woman with a flat tire. I fix it for her and start to continue on my way, when she gives me her card with her number and tells me she thinks I'm a helluva guy for fixing her flat and not hitting on her and would like to know if I'm interested in dating sometime..... It happens (actually happened to me once-- not a flat, but a stalled car and I helped her out) She tells me she has a girlfriend she'd like me to meet and that they are very interested in having a threesome with ME, if I'm interested.

Soooooooooo.......... This is something I've always wanted! It's a dream come true!!! Should I deprive myself just because I'm "married"?

What do you think the answer is to this?

As another poster said, EVERYONE has stupid little fantasies. We aren't supposed to act on them once we are married. If she has a fantasy, she needs to figure out a way to get her jollies off by having sex with you. You aren't a woman? Well you may not have the hugest penis, you may not have the most ripped abs, you may not have long flowing hair and cool tatoos, you may not have x,y, z. My point? You CANNOT satisfy your wife if she is constantly fantasizing about other women. But if she works on sex with YOU, she may find that you are quite a fantasy yourself.

All this childish fantasizing and thinking what else is out there is EXACTLY what causes people to get divorced. They forget to work on their relationship they have in order to make it better/closer to perfect, and dwell on the one that they are wanting elsewhere.

You two don't need a divorce necessarily. You both just need to grow up.
"When I became a man, I put away childish things". She needs to become a woman, too.
You two should work on things with each other. That's what marriage is all about. Stop encouraging her to explore childish nonsense outside the marriage. It's really playing with fire.
Just my opinion. Sounds like you have a cool thing going with your wife if she is this open with you, and you with her. Just remember what marriage is all about. IT's not about denying yourself happiness. It's about finding happiness with your spouse. Something special just between the two of you. Never bring in a third party, not even once.

Last edited by Evinrude58; 04-13-2017 at 09:18 AM.
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post #7 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:08 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

I think you two should just get divorced.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #8 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Thank you for all your feedback. As for you people saying I'm hoping to have a threesome. I actually yes get turned on but the idea of it, but really don't think i want that. Im not hoping for a threesome and hoping it becomes regular. We talk very much and she doesnt necessary like the idea of me being involved with another woman, but she understands my point of view. She isn't pushing for it, and she understands that at any point i can say I'm uncomfortable with the situation and its over. She is very committed to our relationship as it goes. In a way this is till cheating. But to those of you who say, what is she was attracted to a man of a different race, that is different. I understand your point, but it is different. My wife is not bicurious. She has very strong sexual desires for woman, but she has stronger EMOTIONAL feeling with men. She has somewhat experiment with other women, but nothing to in depth. This is merely discussion at this point, but I'm still trying to understand how i feel about the idea. I do know i wouldn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of her doing whatever with another woman, without me at least watching, or seeing a video recording. That I'm not comfortable with at all. Thank your for your feedback, especially TaDor. As for jld. I am asking for serious well thought out responses. A simple, you two should get a divorce is not thoroughly planned or looked at idea. We have children, and we are still very happy being married. Until it becomes a very serious issue, that is a last resort.
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post #9 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:21 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

I'm certain JLD is being sarcastic due to my response.
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post #10 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:31 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

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Originally Posted by TheUndecidedHusband View Post
Thank you for all your feedback. As for you people saying I'm hoping to have a threesome. I actually yes get turned on but the idea of it, but really don't think i want that. Im not hoping for a threesome and hoping it becomes regular. We talk very much and she doesnt necessary like the idea of me being involved with another woman, but she understands my point of view. She isn't pushing for it, and she understands that at any point i can say I'm uncomfortable with the situation and its over. She is very committed to our relationship as it goes. In a way this is till cheating. But to those of you who say, what is she was attracted to a man of a different race, that is different. I understand your point, but it is different. My wife is not bicurious. She has very strong sexual desires for woman, but she has stronger EMOTIONAL feeling with men. She has somewhat experiment with other women, but nothing to in depth. This is merely discussion at this point, but I'm still trying to understand how i feel about the idea. I do know i wouldn't feel completely comfortable with the idea of her doing whatever with another woman, without me at least watching, or seeing a video recording. That I'm not comfortable with at all. Thank your for your feedback, especially TaDor. As for jld. I am asking for serious well thought out responses. A simple, you two should get a divorce is not thoroughly planned or looked at idea. We have children, and we are still very happy being married. Until it becomes a very serious issue, that is a last resort.
OP, the pleasure your wife may get from this just isn't worth the risks it introduces to your marriage.

Similar advice presented to the OP in this thread: Preparing myself for a threesome

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post #11 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:02 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

I would never do what you are considering. Once the monogamous aspect of your marriage is broken, it will never be the same. I don't want anyone having sex with my wife but me. NOBODY!

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post #12 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:25 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

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My question is. Am i wrong for possibly letting her have this? I don't want her to resent me later in our marriage, but i don't know how comfortable i am with the idea. At this point its just an idea.
Ever wonder if you will resent it, why is she entitled to resent something but you are not allowed to? Let me ask you another question, would it be fun for you to have a mistress that was really just about some side sex with not strings attached? Or how about going to a very attractive high-class hooker once and a while, and having wild out of the box sex. Here is another one, if your wife has small breast, should your wife be cool with you hooking up with a women with big breast because you never got the chance to do that? Is it wrong for her to prevent you from having any of these experiences because it makes her uncomfortable. What's the difference? Have you ever had the experience of having a mistress? Why do you have to have this experience for your life to be fulfilling, just because it may be fun?

Do you get my point? For most and I am assuming you, when you take marriage vows you are agreeing to the fact that you are giving up some potential experiences that may be great fun. At least that is what most people are doing. That is why they are vows, that is why they should not be taken lightly, it why there is a big ceremony done in front of all your friends and family. It's not like signing a phone contract.

From your post your wife is cool with not having this experience because she loves you. Do you know how many faithful people have the temptation to have some side sex and don't? I don't get why the gender of the potential hook up makes any difference. I DO see lots of young men now a days feeling guilty by having just the very basic boundaries when it comes to what they will accept in a relationship. I have a few theories why that is but you probably need to work that out on your own.

Here is the deal your wife made a promise to you, you are not controlling, being mean or part of the patriarchy by holding her to it. Besides that she wants to keep it, but even if she didn't you should not feel guilty about it. Honestly something is wrong that you do. This doesn't make you a bad man, it makes you an assertive man, it makes you honorable, it makes you a human being with pretty much the basic standards when it comes to a monogamous relationship. Your wife is yours you should righteous protect that. You should covet her sexuality, not freely give it away. Believe me most people want that, and I believe most women need it because it makes them feel secure. It makes them feel loved. Men who are quick to give their wives away look weak, even if the wives don't see this consciously they instinctively know it, and it brings them doubts. Would you have doubts of about your wives love for your sexuality if she just let you go out at night and hook up?

One more question, are you a child of divorce? How active was your father in your life? Just seeing if my assumptions are right. There is a reason why you are feeling guilty about something that is a natural healthy part of your nature.

Let her have her fantasies, nothing wrong with that, but keep them fantasies. If she is Gay then your have some big problems and your marriage is probably over, if she is Bi then it's really no different then is she wanted to screw some strange man. You made vows for a reason.

As far as threesomes they are the Russian Roulette of marriage.

Last edited by sokillme; 04-13-2017 at 10:30 AM.
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post #13 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:37 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

Different people have different opinions.

If it were me, my feelings would be the following:

If my wife really preferred women to men, then I'd rather she found that out and left, than lived unhappily. So I would be OK with her experimenting. I have not sense of jealousy toward women, so I'm convinced it wouldn't bother me. Ground rules:

She tells me, preferably before but at least after.

Its for sex, not a relationship. If they start socializing, I want to be invited. (I'd like to be invited for a 3some too ;-), but that isn't necessary). She makes it clear to the other woman that its sex only.

It never gets in the way our our sex life -she can have all the sex she wants with another woman, but not do so and then turn me down.

If she starts developing feelings, she tells me so we can talk about it.


Remember though, my feelings on relationships are different. I always want to be my wife's first choice, so I don't want to keep her from other options, I want her to choose me over those other options.
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post #14 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:25 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

I tend to agree with Uhtred. First off OP you don't get to give or allow your wife any experience. She is the only person who can give an experience to herself. You don't own her. Better her to be honest now, and let nature takes its course than to have her lie and allow resentment and regret to grow. I am not advocating cheating, I am only advocating honesty. At the very least you will know and then plan your own life accordingly.

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post #15 of 44 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 11:37 AM
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Re: My Wife is Bisexual and has never had that experience.

It's still sex with another person. The gender is irrelevant. Don't offer it, don't do it. She chose to marry you - you didn't force her, so there's nothing to resent there. She's not "missing out"! By the sound of it, she has quite a lot to be thankful for. That would be like saying since you're married, you're "missing out" on being single and thus being able to sleep around. Well of course, right? She ultimately cannot have both.
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