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post #16 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Lol! I wish it was that easy! I mean if I tell him he can't go then he won't. Our marriage definitely comes first. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do.

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post #17 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

@Vinnydee

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post #18 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

😢thank you
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post #19 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Story of my experience with an open relationship. Everything was great in the beginning. I was your husband. My partner felt threatened and expressed it just like you, repeatedly. His fears just didn't make sense in my head and I didn't take them seriously. He got the short end of the stick, a very unfortunate learning experience.
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post #20 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Thanks for sharing. It's hard to find someone else who can give advice that's lived what I'm living.
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post #21 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:19 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

The girl is either out to replace you or is looking for a polyamorous relationship where she is the steady mistress/girlfriend of your husband and possibly you.

If you don't want a permanent third in your relationship then she needs to go.
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post #22 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:22 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Hopefully your husband is not as thick as I was back then. I'm ashamed at how I completely disregarded my partner's feelings only to prove every single thing he said right at the end. I ended up falling in love with the guy. Like your husband, we barely had sex. We spent close to 6 months just talking, not even cuddling, nothing sexual whatsoever. That alone should have made me realize that it obviously wasn't about the sex. It was an emotional affair in an open relationship.

I blocked out my partner because I felt for sure I knew what I was doing. When he tried to tell me how he didn't feel good about it, I felt wronged. I felt like he had agreed to an open relationship and now he was trying to renege on that. I think me starting to feel that resentment was probably the key turning point. Then it became more about me trying to protect my relationship with this outsider as opposed to protecting my relationship with my partner.

I don't think there is anything good that can come out of your husband's relationship with this woman. Your gut is speaking up, just like my partner's did, telling you that this is not right. Take heed. In your shoes, I would ask that he discontinue the relationship with her as you are not comfortable with it. His response to that request will tell you how he really feels about this woman.
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post #23 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:23 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Yes, you should be aware, but I don't see that there is necessarily any reason for worry at this point. IMO, they are developing a friendship, so FWB, not merely FB.

I had a 5 year long FWB with a woman much younger than my wife. Your description sounds similar to what we had. We developed a friendship, and would occasionally hang out together or go somewhere as friends. Mostly we just had an evening of great sex and talked about the rest of our lives. Sometimes my wife would come along on the social times, but often not. Sometimes we'd both visit her at her place, or she'd visit us at ours. There was never any concern that she wanted me to herself - and she really didn't want that. We didn't communicate daily unless we needed to plan something, but probably did once or twice a week - we were both busy with other things, mostly.

If my wife every had concerns, I'd have backed off, fixed the issue of concern, or broken it off. Just knowing that I would do that was enough that she never needed to ask me to do any of those things. And I was very careful not to exceed reasonable expectations. Mostly, she was just happy that I was having a good time, as I'm happy for her.

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post #24 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Did your wife also see other people? Knowing my husband would stop if I asked does make me feel better about it. Did you and this other woman cuddle? For some reason that bothers me the most! Which is crazy to some people. But since you've been in this situation you may understand what I mean. What I told my husband was if your a F buddy then why text everyday? Why hang out without doing anything? Why cuddle? Ugh idk. Im not sure if I have weird feelings because something is off or what. Normally I'm not like this unless I find something out that I wasn't aware of.
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post #25 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:36 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

A lot of women either consciously or subconsciously like the idea that they can get and hold a manís attention without having ďto put out.Ē Although this woman came along for the role of F buddy, she seems to becoming his muse as well. The less they have sex when they are together, I suppose the more empowered she will feel.

Whatever she wants in the idea, your husband or just the rush of being control of someoneís attention, itís not good for your marriage and especially not for you.
Donít be surprised when your husband becomes progressively more negligent with you and, simultaneously, annoyed at anything you say or do.

Whatever this woman wants, it seems as if your marriage has become a casualty. The only to bring it back if itís even possible, is for your husband to unload this woman.

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post #26 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keke24 View Post
Hopefully your husband is not as thick as I was back then. I'm ashamed at how I completely disregarded my partner's feelings only to prove every single thing he said right at the end. I ended up falling in love with the guy. Like your husband, we barely had sex. We spent close to 6 months just talking, not even cuddling, nothing sexual whatsoever. That alone should have made me realize that it obviously wasn't about the sex. It was an emotional affair in an open relationship.

I blocked out my partner because I felt for sure I knew what I was doing. When he tried to tell me how he didn't feel good about it, I felt wronged. I felt like he had agreed to an open relationship and now he was trying to renege on that. I think me starting to feel that resentment was probably the key turning point. Then it became more about me trying to protect my relationship with this outsider as opposed to protecting my relationship with my partner.

I don't think there is anything good that can come out of your husband's relationship with this woman. Your gut is speaking up, just like my partner's did, telling you that this is not right. Take heed. In your shoes, I would ask that he discontinue the relationship with her as you are not comfortable with it. His response to that request will tell you how he really feels about this woman.
I feel what your partner felt in that if I tell him to stop then I feel bad because I let him start it. I feel like he thinks I was never ok with it and I only let him because he wanted to. And that isn't the case. It was great until there were texts and visits that didn't go along with the F buddy idea I had in my head.
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post #27 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
The girl is either out to replace you or is looking for a polyamorous relationship where she is the steady mistress/girlfriend of your husband and possibly you.

If you don't want a permanent third in your relationship then she needs to go.
I may be ok with that as long as it's just sex. I don't feel they need to hang out alone if they aren't having sex. Maybe I'm crazy! Lol
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post #28 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:40 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

How come you don't get a F Buddy? I think it's time you do. It will be interesting how he reacts.
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post #29 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:42 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
You are being replaced. You opened Pandora's box.
Dude, quit hogging all the popcorn.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

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post #30 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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How come you don't get a F Buddy? I think it's time you do. It will be interesting how he reacts.
Oh absolutely not lol. For one I don't want one. I am totally happy with our sex life. Plus I'd feel horrible and wouldn't open myself up to causing problems in the marriage. But he would not be ok with it. He would stop what he was doing for sure. Lol
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