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post #31 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:46 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Plus I'd feel horrible and wouldn't open myself up to causing problems in the marriage. But he would not be ok with it. He would stop what he was doing for sure. Lol
And you see nothing wrong with this?

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post #32 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:51 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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I feel what your partner felt in that if I tell him to stop then I feel bad because I let him start it. I feel like he thinks I was never ok with it and I only let him because he wanted to. And that isn't the case. It was great until there were texts and visits that didn't go along with the F buddy idea I had in my head.
It's not too late to establish open relationship rules/guidelines to address some of the things that you're not comfortable with. My partner and I sat with a counselor to do just that but a potential emotional affair was not considered and hence rules to avoid that happening were not included. We had it typed out and copied for each of us for future reference.

Clearly there is a disconnect between your boundaries in the open relationship and your partner's. That needs to be addressed asap. The way you're feeling now is not going to go away, it's only going to get worse and build up into resentment. An open relationship is inherently more fragile than a monogamous agreement. You don't want to add on the additional emotional stress of dealing with your current distress. Have a serious discussion with your partner and come together to establish some rules for moving forward.

If you say he would stop what he was doing if you weren't happy, then it should be easy to address this and come to a decision once and for all.
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post #33 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:54 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Did your wife also see other people? Knowing my husband would stop if I asked does make me feel better about it. Did you and this other woman cuddle? For some reason that bothers me the most! Which is crazy to some people. But since you've been in this situation you may understand what I mean. What I told my husband was if your a F buddy then why text everyday? Why hang out without doing anything? Why cuddle? Ugh idk. Im not sure if I have weird feelings because something is off or what. Normally I'm not like this unless I find something out that I wasn't aware of.
Yes, my wife also had/has FWB. She's also stop if I asked her to do so. And yes, I cuddled with my FWB (I've had a few) - I feel affection for them as friends, while at the same time knowing that's as far as it goes. Cuddling is just winding down, and talking - these are trusted friends, not things to be used and discarded. Sure, some people may bond too closely, but most who understand FWB also can keep their feelings under control if needed. We've (rarely) even spent the night with a FWB. My wife and I are poly in our views, so developing more of a relationship with someone else is a possibility, but the logistics and complications of that are just too daunting now. We did have a poly relationship for a couple of years shortly after we first met, but even then our other partners had no wish to take us for themselves, and respected our relationship. And they still do, so we're still friends.

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post #34 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 01:56 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Oh absolutely not lol. For one I don't want one. I am totally happy with our sex life. Plus I'd feel horrible and wouldn't open myself up to causing problems in the marriage. But he would not be ok with it. He would stop what he was doing for sure. Lol
Are you saying this is a one sided open relationship? I really hope this is not what you're saying OP...
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post #35 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:03 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Man. I sure hope not. My husband says that she tells him how much she likes me and how lucky he is. Like I said before, I've been around her a few times and it's always fun. But when I sit and think, my mind is all over the place. Just hoping for some clarity through this site.
What is your IQ?
I'm finding it odd that you can't handle figuring out that if a woman is screwing your husband, there's a huge chance she's going to get emotionally attached. She is.
Why do you act surprised? This is a simple equation to solve.

I personally think open marriages are ridiculously stupid.
Your story proves it.
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post #36 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Lol well he doesn't like it and I don't want it. On the other hand he has a super high sex drive and I find it hot thinking about him and another woman. Or being with him and another woman.
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post #37 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:15 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

How hot do you find it for him to be gone with another woman forever? Because what happens when he DOES find one he LOVES to have sex with and LOVES to spend time with? LOVES!
Then, you just set yourself up to be divorced. That's the risk you run. IT doesn't get lower just because YOU are satisfied with the relationship.
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post #38 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:21 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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post #39 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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I knew I'd get those kinds of responses. I know that isn't the case. But thank you for your reply! ��
Here's the thing you an deny it all you want but it's to your detriment. Sex was and intimacy was designed to create human bonding. It makes lots of sense evolutionarily as it is much better for a child to have 2 parents to help raise it, this was especially true before the neolithic revolution when one person had to hunt and the other person had to prepare the child to move, or basically carry the child around following the herd.

Also men are predisposed to seek out younger more fertile women better chance to have offspring. What you have done is basically left your back flank open, hell you opened the door and welcomed them with open arms. You have led your husband to your replacement. Now it's up to you and him to see if you can recover from this horrendous decision. Maybe you can but at least realize what has happened. People with open marriages like you never want to believe it, but it's really hard to fight human nature.

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post #40 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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How hot do you find it for him to be gone with another woman forever? Because what happens when he DOES find one he LOVES to have sex with and LOVES to spend time with? LOVES!
Then, you just set yourself up to be divorced. That's the risk you run. IT doesn't get lower just because YOU are satisfied with the relationship.
Honestly, that is a risk. However, my thinking on this goes this way: If my wife were to meet someone who is truly a better match for her, so that she'd be happier and have a better life with them than with me, then she should go for it. We also both recognize that the initial stages with a new partner can be unrealistically exciting - in poly circles it's called NRE (new relationship energy) and on TAM it's usually called affair fog. So, we know that if such occurs, decisions can't be made until that passes and the situation can be seen more objectively. And it does pass, sooner or later. You don't throw away something good for a maybe - if what you already have isn't so good, then maybe moving on is a good idea regardless.


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post #41 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:22 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Lol well he doesn't like it and I don't want it. On the other hand he has a super high sex drive and I find it hot thinking about him and another woman. Or being with him and another woman.
This sounds kind of trollish
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post #42 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Yes that is what I'm saying. I have no desire to be with anyone else. Not at all.
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post #43 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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What is your IQ?
I'm finding it odd that you can't handle figuring out that if a woman is screwing your husband, there's a huge chance she's going to get emotionally attached. She is.
Why do you act surprised? This is a simple equation to solve.

I personally think open marriages are ridiculously stupid.
Your story proves it.
To each their own. This is a new feeling I've been having and I am trying to figure my feelings out. If your flat out against it and think I'm dumb then maybe you shouldn't waste your time replying. 😜
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post #44 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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This sounds kind of trollish
How can that sound trollish if I posted it on my own post? Lol
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post #45 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 02:36 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

This is absurd. You let your husband get his needs met outside of the relationship (physical and emotional), and now you're concerned that he no longer needs you to get his needs met? Is that even a question? I'm confused where you're confused.

Look, this whole "open marriage" thing is fundamentally incompatible with the institution of marriage. Why even be married, if you're just going to sleep around with other people anyway? It makes zero sense, and defies reason.

If you didn't care sufficiently for your husband to demand that you have him all to yourself, you probably shouldn't be with him at all, and he doesn't seem to mind not being with you.

Here's an idea: go through an amicable divorce, and both of you see other people. If you don't like the "other people" sufficiently to stay committed to them, don't get married. Problem solved.

I don't condone "open marriages", and think they are a really really bad idea. Your post epitomizes why.
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