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post #61 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Lolol you don't have to read it 😉
That's why it's hard to get good advice. You almost have to have been in that kind of relationship to understand where I'm coming from. Sorry your head hurts!
You don't feel jealous when your husband has sex with another woman? (aside from the emotional bonding, this is the next stage of this madness)
Sorry, I am probably too old fashioned. I do sometimes have fantasies of my wife having sex with someone else (I think, that's because something is broken in my brain) but I know this would tear me up and kill me if she actually did it.
Sorry I can't give you helpful advice. My instinct is that if it is worrying you, there is a good reason and you should put a stop to it before it's too late.
The chances of these kinds of thing working out well in the long run are very slim, why risk it?

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post #62 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Your H is a lucky man.

However, his "friend" is having an emotional attachment to him and not a sexual attachment to him.

This is not following your "plan".

If he goes over and does the emotional stuff, that is not what you agreed to when you started. You are right to be concerned. You should be listening to your gut.

Your gut is telling you important things. so make changes/ if he goes and they start to do the emotional stuff, he stops. he calls you.

But I think that for now, you both go, or he gets a new FWB.

She can't have him and you should not let her have him. Stand up and listen to your gut. He needs a new FWB. She is not working out.

hope you find a better match next time.
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post #63 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:05 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Lolol you don't have to read it 😉
That's why it's hard to get good advice. You almost have to have been in that kind of relationship to understand where I'm coming from. Sorry your head hurts!
I have read many threads from people who are in the kind of relationships you are in. I have never thought that even they had any idea where they were coming from. The whole thing seemed like making it up as they go along. Again I think you guys are trying to do something that just kind of goes against human nature. Like communism (that's a joke, but not really). Why not post this on Reddit, there is a whole board dedicated to your kind of relationship.
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post #64 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 05:13 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

This is a boundary issue. And the discussion needs to happen between you and your husband. That uncomfortable feeling is really just a boundary being crossed. Your husband probably doesn't know about the boundary because you haven't told him. Possibly because you didn't know it was a boundary for you until he crossed it. From what you are describing it sounds like you are fine if he has sex with another woman, but you consider emotional intimacy to be yours only. You need to come up with some guidelines...maybe if sexual interaction hasn't been initiated in the first 30 minutes than he can assume that it's moving into the emotional range and that's not allowed. Or his sex dates can only last a certain amount of time and he should always be home to go to bed with you by such and such a time. Follow your instincts on this one and talk it out with your husband.


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post #65 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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I have read many threads from people who are in the kind of relationships you are in. I have never thought that even they had any idea where they were coming from. The whole thing seemed like making it up as they go along. Again I think you guys are trying to do something that just kind of goes against human nature. Like communism (that's a joke, but not really). Why not post this on Reddit, there is a whole board dedicated to your kind of relationship.
I actually searched for these kinds of pages. I wanted to have people on the outside give advice so they wouldn't take either side. Of course most people in "normal" relationships think I'm crazy! So it's still hard. But I had no clue what site to go to. I just found one with a similar topic and joined it! Lol. Thanks for letting me know about Reddit. Cause I have no clue how to work these sites or which ones to use!
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post #66 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Good ideas. Thank you!
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post #67 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:22 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

It was just sex in the beginning now he is seeing her on a regular basis which you didn't agree to. Well anyway that's what I got from it..I think y'all should drop her .cuddling is a NO NO TO intimate. Feelings are getting involved weather it's her or his your instincts is on point.


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post #68 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 07:24 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Clarity only your husband can assure you

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post #69 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:33 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

I think it would be wonderful to be able to enjoy casual sex. It works for some, but from knowing several people in open marriages, I think it doesn't work for the majority of people - even those who think it will.

For many people sex causes an emotional attachment. Once that attachment is there, it risks the main relationship. There is a new person to go to with problems and complaints. The new person seems better, more exciting because you are only with them for fun, not for the chores of life.

I know a couple that is divorcing over this. They both thought it would work, but it didn't. The husband ended up with a "fun" wife who's company he enjoyed for fun, and the "home" wife who was always doing chores and other non-fun stuff.
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post #70 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 09:51 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

I think what would make casual sex or ONS difficult, is that how could someone I don't love or don't know all that well, or trust at all, know how to please me, sexually? My fiance is amazing in bed largely because he knows me, knows what I like, what I don't like, I trust him...to sleep with someone you really don't know, how would they know what to do to please you? I've always wondered how that works. Maybe at times, people get lucky and a one night stand turns out to be the most mind blowing sex ever? Hmmm.


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post #71 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 10:02 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

His FB wants him all to herself and not just for sex, talking, spending time, etc.

That's why you aren't invited. 3 is a crowd.

Your gut is screaming at you because you can be replaced.
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post #72 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 06:46 AM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

I have open / FWB relationship experience. You want to trust your husband. Fine. But that girl (so far from what you are telling us) is actively trying to take your husband. If its just sex, there shouldn't be soooo many text messages about missing you, cuddling, I want you here. Your gut is talking to you... your brain needs to listen to it.

Close up shop... or somehow put up much stronger boundaries. If you both want to share a GF, then that means the three of you have a loving / caring relationship - meaning, SHE also gets her cuddle / kiss time with him. If you want just someone to play with - do it once a month but also, NEVER ALONE. Always together.

I know a woman who brought her boyfriend a woman to share. She lost her BF to that very woman.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.
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post #73 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:07 AM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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I need advice. My husband and I are happily married. We both like the thought of being with another woman. We have been once in the past. It was great, but only happened once. He has been with another woman also without me. The thought of it turns me on for some reason. So now there is a younger woman who has shown interest in my husband. He loves it. At first I was excited. She wanted to be our friend and mess around on the side. We have been out with her a few times. It's always fun. My husband has been with her once without me. It was an awesome night for him for sure. We talk about it and it turns us both on. Well I started having weird feelings about it and it's driving me crazy. I allowed it to happen so I should be ok with it. Right? The thing that's bothering me is that the first time my husband was with her they had sex. The next few times she's asked him to go to her house they haven't done anything but talk and stuff. So like the third time he went there I almost lost it. It just didn't make sense to me that he has a F.B. but they aren't f'ing. Like why would she ask him over? Why not ask me over or us over? Why take my husbands time from me and then just talk or whatever? It does frustrate my husband because he definitely wants to mess around if he's there. She texts him everyday. She says things like, I wish you were here. Or, I miss you. Or, hope your having a great day. He gives her advice on things in her life. Anyway. I don't feel jealous because I don't think he's going anywhere. But I feel weird. She says she doesn't want anything at all and obviously knows he's happily married. But then she wants to cuddle or have him over and just talk. So what's really going on? Is she just friendly and it's innocent? Or does she like him more than she lets on? I'm not sure what to do! But talking to my husband just makes the situation worse because he doesn't really understand and he thinks she is just nice. So he gets frustrated and says he'll just stop talking to her. So then I feel bad because I let it happen! Idk what to do! Help!

"Oh what a tangled web we weave" when you allow others into your marriage without any boundaries. There are no boundaries at all in your marriage, you have established none and your husband is creating an emotional relationship with another woman, you will be on your way out soon if you don't put a stop to this. Of course your H is having a great time, he has his cake and eating it too, meanwhile you stand by and allow it. Maybe this type of thing works in la la land but not in the real world.
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post #74 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:32 AM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Knowing my husband would stop if I asked does make me feel better about it.
Don't put too much faith in him. I've lost count of how many stories I've read over the years that were VERY similar to this one. Open marriage, one spouse has a 'playmate' that the other spouse approved of - until further down the road when secret texts and secret meetings and declarations of 'love' were discovered. It's pretty common.

The chances are fairly high that even if you do 'forbid' him to see his playmate, they'll continue to stay in touch secretly and meet secretly.

The longer this whole thing goes on, the more emotionally invested in her he'll become.
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post #75 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 07:44 AM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Oh absolutely not lol. For one I don't want one. I am totally happy with our sex life. Plus I'd feel horrible and wouldn't open myself up to causing problems in the marriage. But he would not be ok with it. He would stop what he was doing for sure. Lol
Jesus. That's a real prince you got there.

HE sure has no problem 'opening himself up to others' and causing possible marriage problems. You choose to take the high road and make sure his feelings aren't hurt, yet he plows right ahead and takes whatever is offered to him.

This makes you look like a total doormat by encouraging him to do whatever the hell he wants sexually because it 'turns you on,' yet you wouldn't 'dare' pull this bull**** yourself out of respect for your marriage. The high road is highly overrated sometimes.

So he's basically got himself a Hall Pass to do whatever he wants while you sit at home protecting his little male ego and then you wonder how you got IN the position you now find yourself in.
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