Confused about husbands F buddy 😬 - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

I need advice. My husband and I are happily married. We both like the thought of being with another woman. We have been once in the past. It was great, but only happened once. He has been with another woman also without me. The thought of it turns me on for some reason. So now there is a younger woman who has shown interest in my husband. He loves it. At first I was excited. She wanted to be our friend and mess around on the side. We have been out with her a few times. It's always fun. My husband has been with her once without me. It was an awesome night for him for sure. We talk about it and it turns us both on. Well I started having weird feelings about it and it's driving me crazy. I allowed it to happen so I should be ok with it. Right? The thing that's bothering me is that the first time my husband was with her they had sex. The next few times she's asked him to go to her house they haven't done anything but talk and stuff. So like the third time he went there I almost lost it. It just didn't make sense to me that he has a F.B. but they aren't f'ing. Like why would she ask him over? Why not ask me over or us over? Why take my husbands time from me and then just talk or whatever? It does frustrate my husband because he definitely wants to mess around if he's there. She texts him everyday. She says things like, I wish you were here. Or, I miss you. Or, hope your having a great day. He gives her advice on things in her life. Anyway. I don't feel jealous because I don't think he's going anywhere. But I feel weird. She says she doesn't want anything at all and obviously knows he's happily married. But then she wants to cuddle or have him over and just talk. So what's really going on? Is she just friendly and it's innocent? Or does she like him more than she lets on? I'm not sure what to do! But talking to my husband just makes the situation worse because he doesn't really understand and he thinks she is just nice. So he gets frustrated and says he'll just stop talking to her. So then I feel bad because I let it happen! Idk what to do! Help!

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post #2 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:10 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

You are being replaced. You opened Pandora's box.
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post #3 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

I knew I'd get those kinds of responses. I know that isn't the case. But thank you for your reply! 😊
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post #4 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:16 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

You both opened the marriage and are now discovering that it wasn't a good idea. Close it back up and never do it again.

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post #5 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

You could be right. But why didn't it bother me with the other women? I think if he just went and had sex I'd be fine. But the cuddling and texting has me thrown off.
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post #6 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:21 PM
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Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Originally Posted by Married7 View Post
You could be right. But why didn't it bother me with the other women? I think if he just went and had sex I'd be fine. But the cuddling and texting has me thrown off.


Because it's more than just sex and therefore it is a threat to you. C'mon, you know this.

It's not just physical but turning emotional.
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post #7 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:21 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

She is trying to replace you. From your side you may know it is not happening, but her behavior would indicate that is her desire. She wants a close emotional connection with your husband and not with you. Since you are not included, she is not a friend of your marriage.
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post #8 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Crazy you say that. That's how I described it to him. I felt threatened. Not jealous because if he left me that'd be dumb, nor do I think he will. But I said I got so emotional because I felt my family was threatened.
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post #9 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Man. I sure hope not. My husband says that she tells him how much she likes me and how lucky he is. Like I said before, I've been around her a few times and it's always fun. But when I sit and think, my mind is all over the place. Just hoping for some clarity through this site.
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post #10 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:27 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Originally Posted by blueinbr View Post
Because it's more than just sex and therefore it is a threat to you. C'mon, you know this.

It's not just physical but turning emotional.
^This^

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you both?

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post #11 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:38 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

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Originally Posted by lorikeet25 View Post
She is trying to replace you.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #12 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Almost 40
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post #13 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Ahh! Lol. I hope everyone doesn't think that! But I do get the feeling because of her actions. She is adamant that she wants nothing other than sex. My husband talks about me all the time to her. Surely she'd see he's happy.
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post #14 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Go find another F.B. for your husband and maybe he will leave this one alone.
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post #15 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 12:47 PM
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Re: Confused about husbands F buddy 😬

Those weird feelings ARE jealousy, with good reason. This woman is bonding with your husband on a sexual and emotional level. She is a threat to your marriage. You are being replaced, even if he doesn't physically leave the marriage.

What you've agreed to is an open marriage. You now want boundaries in this open marriage and since what you've already agreed to is a violation of the boundaries in a faithful marriage, I don't see how this is going to be possible for you.

I too recommend you tell your husband how you're feeling and that you no longer agree to an open marriage. Once he hears it hurts you, it should stop. If it doesn't, then you have lost your husband already.
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