Need help with relationship - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 09:39 PM Thread Starter
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Need help with relationship

Hi there,

I need help on my relationship, even though I haven't reach that marriage status yet. Me and my fiancee are engaged for a year now, and due to get married in July. We are living in different countries due to different job and have been in long distance relationship for 4 years (we have been together for 7 years). She is going to move back to my country (it is her home country). I am currently building a house to live together.

Since we are going to have the marriage her, we have been preparing since last year. However, since December she started to become lazy and she was busy doing her own activity (she has a religious group and go there very often). She told me that she had a project, and she is working on it (she told me all about the project).

The marriage planning is getting slower, and since we are going to have an oriental wedding with many guest (~1000 people) planning is crucial. She hasn't chosen her wedding dress yet (she kept postponing it).

About early this month, she confessed of cheating to me through skype. When this happened, I have just flown back from her country and I was confused and disappointed. She told me that she doesn't have any feelings for him and he is there when I am not there. She also told me that I am not listening to her as much, and she doesn't want to give details whether she has slept with him or not. She told me that I deserve someone better and left it for me to decide whether I want to continue with this relationship or not.

I just couldn't believe it until now that she has cheated on me. She is a very religious person, even though I am not as much. Now she is kinda running away by going to another country to go for a religious retreat and our contact has not been so smooth. I can't chase her because I am responsible for my work her (I run my own business). At first she showed remorse, but lately she has not shown any, and she told me to assume for the worst in her cheating part (means she has slept with him).

I am torn apart, I couldn't sleep properly and the thought of her sleeping with another person make my stomach sinks in really bad. My gut feeling is to cut off this engagement, however I want to do it gracefully and want to talk face to face to her. Any advice for me out there? Do you guys think that this relationship can be saved? Honestly, I can't trust her anymore and I am sure she won't let me go through her facebook/ phone etc.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 10:16 PM
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Re: Need help with relationship

She is not marriage material. Move on.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 10:40 PM
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Re: Need help with relationship

This is so easy.
This is so painful.

She made it easy...for you to to leave her flat. Have no contact with her....Forever and two days.

This is so painful...She, not You, made this so. This pain will go away when she is away. When she has no contact [NC] with your mind.
Time is your friend, it erases all but those [two days of pain] past Forever.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-14-2017, 11:03 PM
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Re: Need help with relationship

She's telling you this because she doesn't want to marry you. She wants you to end it because she's to cowardly.

I'd privately tell her family and call off the wedding.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 01:54 AM
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Cool Re: Need help with relationship

It's her way of cementing the sad fact that she wants to effectively end the relationship! Truth be told, she's probably hooking up with the OM to get herself a little "remedial religion" off at this religious retreat that she's on!

Leave her skanky a$$ high and dry! And proudly! And don't ever look back!

You deserve far, far better out of life!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 04-15-2017 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 03:18 AM
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Re: Need help with relationship

I agree, she told you because she does not want to marry you. But she does not want to be the one who ends the relationship. She wants you to be the one who does it.

Sounds like she's into drama and game playing.

Don't marry this woman. She will not stay faithful as your wife. It will be a very unhappy marriage. You will be better off not marrying her.

Long distance relationships seldom work out because it's very hard to build a strong attachment/love for someone who one seldom spends time with in person.

After you break up with her, find a good woman who lives close enough to you for you to see her often.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:57 AM
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Re: Need help with relationship

You absolutely should call off the wedding. What she's done is disgusting - the cheating in the first place, and then following up by telling you in the hope that you'll break off the engagement because she doesn't have the guts to do it herself.

You deserve so much better than this - and you will find it, promise.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:22 AM
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Re: Need help with relationship

Call off the wedding. If you want or need to say why, then be honest with everyone that she cheated on you.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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