My father in law flipped - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 03:51 AM Thread Starter
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My father in law flipped

Hey guys new to forum but im kinda lost im 25 years old and my fiancé have been together for 3 years we get married here in 5 months I thought I've always had a good relationship with her parents. They always offer to help us and always say they have out ourbest interest in mind. I thought me and her father were in a good relationship he cried when I asked him for his daughters hand in marriage. Tonight we go out for dinner and everything is going good my fiancé leaves to go to the bathro and all of a sudden he snaps out of no where telling me basically im a loser and that he is getting a prenup ( he is very wealthy) together and im going to sign it whether I like it or not and that I won't say anything to my fiancé! He was just going off on me etc. my fiancé walked up in the middle of his rant before I could get a word off and she heard the jist of it.
I had to go to the bathroom and we were done with dinner I got up and walked to the bathroom I came outside and they were arguing we went our seperate ways.
Im super pissed because I thought we had a "relationship" and all this happened I don't even know what to do but im so upset about this I honestly don't even think it's his business if we get a prenup or not. Has this happened to anyone or is it just me and what do I do?

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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 04:28 AM
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Re: My father in law flipped

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zija Reno View Post
Hey guys new to forum but im kinda lost im 25 years old and my fiancé have been together for 3 years we get married here in 5 months I thought I've always had a good relationship with her parents. They always offer to help us and always say they have out ourbest interest in mind. I thought me and her father were in a good relationship he cried when I asked him for his daughters hand in marriage. Tonight we go out for dinner and everything is going good my fiancé leaves to go to the bathro and all of a sudden he snaps out of no where telling me basically im a loser and that he is getting a prenup ( he is very wealthy) together and im going to sign it whether I like it or not and that I won't say anything to my fiancé! He was just going off on me etc. my fiancé walked up in the middle of his rant before I could get a word off and she heard the jist of it.
I had to go to the bathroom and we were done with dinner I got up and walked to the bathroom I came outside and they were arguing we went our seperate ways.
Im super pissed because I thought we had a "relationship" and all this happened I don't even know what to do but im so upset about this I honestly don't even think it's his business if we get a prenup or not. Has this happened to anyone or is it just me and what do I do?
Well was he correct, are you a loser?Do you work or go to school,how do you support yourselves.You haven't given much information away so depending on your circumstances the advice given will be different.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 04:32 AM
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Cool Re: My father in law flipped

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zija Reno View Post
Hey guys new to forum but im kinda lost im 25 years old and my fiancé have been together for 3 years we get married here in 5 months I thought I've always had a good relationship with her parents. They always offer to help us and always say they have out ourbest interest in mind. I thought me and her father were in a good relationship he cried when I asked him for his daughters hand in marriage. Tonight we go out for dinner and everything is going good my fiancé leaves to go to the bathro and all of a sudden he snaps out of no where telling me basically im a loser and that he is getting a prenup ( he is very wealthy) together and im going to sign it whether I like it or not and that I won't say anything to my fiancé! He was just going off on me etc. my fiancé walked up in the middle of his rant before I could get a word off and she heard the jist of it.
I had to go to the bathroom and we were done with dinner I got up and walked to the bathroom I came outside and they were arguing we went our seperate ways.
Im super pissed because I thought we had a "relationship" and all this happened I don't even know what to do but im so upset about this I honestly don't even think it's his business if we get a prenup or not. Has this happened to anyone or is it just me and what do I do?
So please tell us more about yourself, your job, your ambitions, your home life, and whether either of you work outside the home!

From a legal perspective, while your FIL may not be able to make you sign a pre or a post-nuptial, he certainly sounds as if he has more than just the tangible resources with which to make your life a "living hell," and would not think twice about doing just that!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 04-15-2017 at 04:45 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:27 AM
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Re: My father in law flipped

His approach and timing was less than appropriate but maybe his reasoning was sound. As others have asked what do you bring to the table or what potentials do you have? I'm also curious what your fiancee is bringing to the table right now and what her potentials are.

No doubt you have a big job in front of you, no father wants to see his children struggle (well except guys like me that think it builds resourcefulness). You are going to have to prove yourself and right then and there would have been a great time to hash some things out, certainly don't avoid this issue, call him today and go have a talk.
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:51 AM
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Re: My father in law flipped

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zija Reno View Post
Hey guys new to forum but im kinda lost im 25 years old and my fiancé have been together for 3 years we get married here in 5 months I thought I've always had a good relationship with her parents. They always offer to help us and always say they have out ourbest interest in mind. I thought me and her father were in a good relationship he cried when I asked him for his daughters hand in marriage. Tonight we go out for dinner and everything is going good my fiancé leaves to go to the bathro and all of a sudden he snaps out of no where telling me basically im a loser and that he is getting a prenup ( he is very wealthy) together and im going to sign it whether I like it or not and that I won't say anything to my fiancé! He was just going off on me etc. my fiancé walked up in the middle of his rant before I could get a word off and she heard the jist of it.
I had to go to the bathroom and we were done with dinner I got up and walked to the bathroom I came outside and they were arguing we went our seperate ways.
Im super pissed because I thought we had a "relationship" and all this happened I don't even know what to do but im so upset about this I honestly don't even think it's his business if we get a prenup or not. Has this happened to anyone or is it just me and what do I do?
You're in a tough spot man. It will start with this, then every little issue he feels he needs to get involved in he will because he'll see you as weak.

He wouldn't have said this if you were wealthy yourself or from a wealthy family. The worst thing is having a domineering father undermining you at every turn. If they have a good relationship quite simply you're f*cked.

I'd be more concerned by a man who "cries" on one hand then flips around and tries to strong arm you.

You and him need to have a man to man talk and hash this out.
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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:03 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

Sounds like "Meet the Fockers".
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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

I agree, this is very inappropriate. You need to talk to to your fiancé about what happened and see how she reacts. Tell your future father in law in no uncertain terms that you and your fiancé do not keep secrets from each other.

You'll need firm boundaries with the in-laws to make this marriage work. Make sure your fiancé is on-board and capable of implementing them and putting your marriage first. As long as you continue to take financial support from your in-laws, they will have the ability to control you.
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 02:10 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

How does he intent to have you sign a prenup and your fiancé not know about it? A prenup is a contract between you and your fiancé, not you and her father.

Also, is your fiancé wealthy? Or is it just her father (or parents) who are wealthy?

What percentage of your fiancé and your joint income do you earn?
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 03:46 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

Your prospective FIL was wrong to present the pre-nup. The would be considered "under duress" and may in some states annul the agreement. Do research that for yourself.

Is this like Thoroughly Modern Millie (with Mary Tyler Moore, great movie) or did you always know or at least have an idea that your fiance would come into some money fairly soon?

In any case, this is an issue that she should present to you AND own, not let her father do the talking. You're not marrying him. But he will be accessory to your marriage, so give it some thought.

I hate saying, but it will be worth it here: Talk to a lawyer. Is she really going to come into that much money? Plus, what's her financial position now? Student loans? Or did her parents pay for everything?

Has she finished at least an undergraduate degree or will you be hit for that cost?

One thing is certain, he started it. Now that he has, ask enough questions so that you can make an informed decision.
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

This is a glimpse into your future. I'm engaged, and it's true what they say ...''you marry the family.'' Thankfully, both my fiance and I like each other's parents, but if his mom or dad were to blow up at me and call me names, I might have to wonder what I was getting myself into. What does your fiancee think?

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post #11 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:03 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

WOW! Sorry about that!

Not his place to act like that.

He would have just made an enemy of me.

I would tell my fiancé what happened and that I wanted nothing to do with him.
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post #12 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 06:03 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

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Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Well was he correct, are you a loser?Do you work or go to school,how do you support yourselves.You haven't given much information away so depending on your circumstances the advice given will be different.


I agree we need more information. The part where you wrote that they always offer to help you. What does that mean? What kind of help? Monetary? Why do they need to help you?
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post #13 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 06:34 PM
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Re: My father in law flipped

Whether he is a loser or not or whether the prenup is necessary seems to totally miss the point: who delivers it like this?

If I had this kind of crap thrown at me like that, I would excuse myself to go and have anal with the daughter. On the prenup.

(How do you sign a prenup with your father in law anyway? )
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post #14 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:12 PM
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Why should you inherit his property? I am leaving my estate to my kids on their spouses. No prenuptial agreement and they get nothing. I am not working my butt off for someone else to walk away with half.

Look at it from his point of view. Talk it over with her and see where she stands on this.
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post #15 of 23 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:13 PM
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Why should you inherit his property? I am leaving my estate to my kids not their spouses. No prenuptial agreement and they get nothing. I am not working my butt off for someone else to walk away with half.

Look at it from his point of view. Talk it over with her and see where she stands on this.
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