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post #16 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 04:59 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

Every device and account is password protected - and we share all of them so we can access any and all accounts we each have, at any time, even individual financial accounts.


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post #17 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Computer passwords

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Every device and account is password protected - and we share all of them so we can access any and all accounts we each have, at any time, even individual financial accounts.
And do you ever feel the need or desire to check in the on your wifes online activities? I caught hubby a few months ago watching porn. It took some time for me to come to a place of acceptance. We talked and I told him that as long as he was open and honest it wasn't a problem. Now he's out a password on his computer and I feel like there is no honesty or transparency and it's budding the hell out of me

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post #18 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 06:35 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

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And do you ever feel the need or desire to check in the on your wifes online activities? I caught hubby a few months ago watching porn. It took some time for me to come to a place of acceptance. We talked and I told him that as long as he was open and honest it wasn't a problem. Now he's out a password on his computer and I feel like there is no honesty or transparency and it's budding the hell out of me

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We look at each other's email and such often, but not for snooping. She just doesn't check hers much, so relies on me to make sure she hasn't missed anything important, like an email from one of her FWBs or something. We have an open relationship, and both have other lovers occasionally. Porn? Not a problem, never an issue - really don't care much for it. We're very honest and open about everything - it's a necessity to conduct a successful open relationship without causing problems, and we've done so for 17 years. Communication and transparency are key to this.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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post #19 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 06:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Computer passwords

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We look at each other's email and such often, but not for snooping. She just doesn't check hers much, so relies on me to make sure she hasn't missed anything important, like an email from one of her FWBs or something. We have an open relationship, and both have other lovers occasionally. Porn? Not a problem, never an issue - really don't care much for it. We're very honest and open about everything - it's a necessity to conduct a successful open relationship without causing problems, and we've done so for 17 years. Communication and transparency are key to this.
That's how I feel. I'll be the first to admit that I was upset over his porn use at first. Then I came around. I even started watching it. Openness and honesty are the corner stones of every relations regardless of sexual practises or relationship types. For me, when things are hidden or protected it upsets me because the openness is not there

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post #20 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:14 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

I have multiple computers, tablets, and a phone. My wife has her phone that I set up for her as well as an email, FB, and snapchat accounts for it. I've given her passwords before but she doesn't care to know them and they're long since been rotated.

The bottom line is that I would give her any password for any account if she asks for it. But she doesn't and she won't lol.

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post #21 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Computer passwords

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I have multiple computers, tablets, and a phone. My wife has her phone that I set up for her as well as an email, FB, and snapchat accounts for it. I've given her passwords before but she doesn't care to know them and they're long since been rotated.

The bottom line is that I would give her any password for any account if she asks for it. But she doesn't and she won't lol.
You're situation still invokes trust since the willingness to share is there

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post #22 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 12:57 AM
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Re: Computer passwords

We both know each others passwords, except for our work accounts which neither of us are allowed to share.

I do have a secret account that I use to post on TAM. She may have secret accounts that I don't know about.

Each of us has the skills to hide access, and I have no intention of getting into a spy vs spy game.
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post #23 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 11:48 AM
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Re: Computer passwords

Well Molly, there's a huge difference between privacy and secrecy.

He's ALL about the secrecy.
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post #24 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 01:42 PM
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I need openness and honesty in marriage, and that means full transparency. We use the same known passwords for everything. I think if you've got nothing to hide you welcome any opportunity to make sure your spouse feels safe in the marriage. So much betrayal in marriage can happen online. Spouses have a right to know what is going on in their marriage, and that includes where your partner spends their time, who they're with, and who they're talking to.
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post #25 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:02 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

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Well Molly, there's a huge difference between privacy and secrecy.

He's ALL about the secrecy.
You hit the nail on the head. Secrecy vs privacy.

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post #26 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Computer passwords

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Well Molly, there's a huge difference between privacy and secrecy.

He's ALL about the secrecy.
And that is the issue I'm having

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post #27 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Computer passwords

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I need openness and honesty in marriage, and that means full transparency. We use the same known passwords for everything. I think if you've got nothing to hide you welcome any opportunity to make sure your spouse feels safe in the marriage. So much betrayal in marriage can happen online. Spouses have a right to know what is going on in their marriage, and that includes where your partner spends their time, who they're with, and who they're talking to.
That's how I feel. I don't want to hang over him as he's on the computer or anything, but I feel shut out or like there's something he's not allowing me access to. I have an issue with being barred like that

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post #28 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

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I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling like this

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You're definitely not alone. Dr. Harley writes about it in His Needs, Her Needs. Openness and honesty is a top need for both husbands and wives, and he lists full transparency under O&H.

Have you thought about telling your husband this- not only how you feel, but that a spouses' openness and honesty is a top need for most married people? I also think it's important in marriage to let our partners know when something they're doing bothers us or makes us feel unsafe in the marriage. We should always want to make our spouse feel safe.
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post #29 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

.

Last edited by 225985; 05-01-2017 at 07:10 PM.
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post #30 of 36 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 07:54 PM
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Re: Computer passwords

We each have our own laptops, but hubby set mine up, we both have passwords to keep our daughter off our profiles (she has her own profile on both of our computers). We both know each others passwords.

Privacy in marriage is closing the door when you go to the bathroom.
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