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post #46 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:06 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
Many years ago, I was the night shift manager at a medium sized manufacturing plant.

Half the employees were women. Most were married. At least half of these women were having sexual relations with men, not their husbands. In their cars, in back rooms.

Many got pregnant. This was before DNA testing was available. The women were having a ball, with balls not belonging to their SO.

And yes, the male workers were also having affairs. With coworkers and with others. Including supervisors that worked for me. What a zoo. I was glad to get out of that place with my life.
And that still happens quite a bit apparently.

To the OP. You are in a mess... and likely, you are in an affair fog... You know nothing about that woman. She spends a night a week at your place... but she and her BF worked, paid the bills and run a home. 4 months now of not seeing you, that seems like you were just a penis to her.

This will be baby #2 for her. You can bet there will be a few more, each with a different dad.
You would be doing her boyfriend a FAVOR by telling him that you have been having sex with his GF and its yours. So he can escape from her... sooner or later, he may find out.


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post #47 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Can we all just pretend that we know it is mine...

I just want to know if I should let them live their happy life without me or if I should tell him.
Both he and you are mugs to get involved with such an immoral liar, of course he doesn't know what she is like or that she is cheating as yet, or that the child may not be his. Poor man and poor baby.
You have to wonder what he thinks she is doing the night she is with you. I suspect she is claiming the baby is yours to stop you from leaving, but you should have ended it as soon as you realised she was in a live in relationship.

Last edited by Diana7; 04-16-2017 at 04:38 PM.
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post #48 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 03:11 PM
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I started dating this girl, not knowing she was in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one. By the time I found out, it was months down the road and we were inseparable. She already has one kid (1 yr old) from an old abusive ex that is no longer in the picture. Her bf stepped up to take on the father role.

She was living a double life with me, spending the night a few nights a week. She is now pregnant with my daughter but won't face the music and tell him it's not his. At first I thought an abortion would keep the world spinning. I did not want to be a homewrecker. As time passed, I got more and more excited to meet my baby girl.

She tells me I am way better with the kid and actually play with him. I don't just stick him in the pen and play video games. I am actually present in the relationship.

I feel like she's made up her mind. I want to be a part of her family. She fears that if she comes clean, everyone will hate her and she can't take that stress. I figure that her family will get over it and if she really loves me then we'd have a great home life. Whats more important than that?

I've talked to her about how I feel. We are great together. I can't be the one to out her but every month that passes (4 now) the potential to hurt people gets worse and worse.

Do I just step out of the picture? I want to be a part of their lives. I heard that when this happens, the truth usually comes out eventually. I think it is better that it happens sooner rather than later.
Late to the party again, but all that I can really say is "Just how low can you go?"

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post #49 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:22 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Oh dear. They were drunk and she is pregnant. Are you aware that's how FAS happens? Drinking, and having unprotected sex. I sincerely hope all is well.


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post #50 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

[QUOTE=EleGirl;17728913
I think that you need to tell him. If the baby is yours, there is no way you should walk away from your baby.[/QUOTE]


I know he needs to know and I will be the one to tell him if she will not. We were only assuming it is mine for the sake of the argument.

Once he knows, we will do a paternity test and then we can figure out what the plan is from there. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and see what she will/won't do.

I would never walk away from my kid.
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post #51 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:45 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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I would never walk away from my kid.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #52 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Can you finally walk away from the mother if that kid isn't yours? Can you walk away from the mother if the kid is yours and she dumps you or doesn't stay with you long term?

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #53 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:05 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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I know he needs to know and I will be the one to tell him if she will not. We were only assuming it is mine for the sake of the argument.

Once he knows, we will do a paternity test and then we can figure out what the plan is from there. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and see what she will/won't do.

I would never walk away from my kid.
If you were to tell him, how do you see that happening?
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post #54 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:07 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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I would never walk away from my kid.
They are not married, right? This is an important question because in many, if not all states, if they are married he will be the legal father no matter what. All children born to the wife of a married man are considered the child of the husband by law.

If they are married, you have no legal ground to try to even see your child, to get a DNA test done, etc.
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post #55 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Can you finally walk away from the mother if that kid isn't yours? Can you walk away from the mother if the kid is yours and she dumps you or doesn't stay with you long term?
Yes and yes. I just hate the situation and need her to step up to her man, family and friends.

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post #56 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:17 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Like I said, people do not get the whole story. Yes, they usually used condoms but on NYE, they were drunk and he didn't. If that had not happened then it would have been impossible to pretend he is the father.
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post #57 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:19 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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I know he needs to know and I will be the one to tell him if she will not. We were only assuming it is mine for the sake of the argument.

Once he knows, we will do a paternity test and then we can figure out what the plan is from there. I am going to talk to her tomorrow and see what she will/won't do.

I would never walk away from my kid.
Be prepared she my tell you it's his kid and to back off. You have no idea who this women is. She probably doesn't even know herself. The only thing you can say for sure about her is she is very messed up.
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post #58 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 05:38 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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First off, don't ever assume you know the whole picture and pass judgement like this.

I was just here looking for advice on whether to leave her to make the decisions on my role with the her and the kid or if I should put more pressure on her to come clean.

I understand your point of view but please have a little respect for me and the situation.

There are kids involved and we are trying to do what is best for them in the long run.
Respect is earned.

Please, please don't tell me you care about the kids when you were screwing the one kids mother while she is still living with it's father and lying to him every day. That's rich. Actually the only one who seems to give a damn about the kids is this boyfriend. At least he is doing the honorable thing. In his mind he is trying to support his one kid and now having a second with a women who he has no idea is stabbing him in the back. He is the only one with any honor. I get it she told you he is a bad guy. Let me break it to you, every cheater that has ever lived says that about the person they are cheating on. If she told you he was wonderful would it have been as easy to do it? From his actions at least he is taking responsibility, so that show some character. I would bet money that all the stuff she told you about him is bull****. Let me break it to you, your girlfriend is probably a lying narcissist. I bet in the end you will probably end up liking the boyfriend better then her. At least when you compare notes about how she took both of you for suckers, as she has a baby with man number 3.

How can you say you care about the kid when, now she is going to have two kids with possibly two separate fathers and a blown up home for each of them. All the parents hating each other. Show a little respect for yourself and at least be honest with what you are and what you have done. How can I or anyone else not pass judgement on you. That's life. When you are a homewrecker, which is what you are, people are going to judge you harshly.
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post #59 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Respect is earned.

Please, please don't tell me you care about the kids when you were screwing the one kids mother while she is still living with it's father and lying to him every day.
Again, not his kid. But anyway, I know what I did and what I am. I said that because you are not following the rules of the forum and frankly, how does talking trash help anyone?

You can say what you want until you are blue in the face, get angry. But people are here for advice and second opinions.

Enjoy your day...
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post #60 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:12 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Okay so there is known advice here on how to expose an affair. Would the same tactics be used?


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