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post #61 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:21 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Okay so there is known advice here on how to expose an affair. Would the same tactics be used?
The advice is usually for the betrayed spouse to contact the spouse of the affair partner. So the usual does not work here. That is why I asked him how he thinks he would go about telling her bf.

Were I he, I'm not sure I would go do it in person. Could get my butt beat.

Instead a phone call. Or an email.

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post #62 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:25 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Again, not his kid. But anyway, I know what I did and what I am. I said that because you are not following the rules of the forum and frankly, how does talking trash help anyone?

You can say what you want until you are blue in the face, get angry. But people are here for advice and second opinions.

Enjoy your day...
I am not talking trash or angry, that implies I have some sort of personal stake in you. I am just pointing out very plainly and harshly what you have done and who you are right now. You can't demand to be honored when you have none. You say you know what you did but your posts don't seem to show it. How bad can this man who agrees to raise another man's kid be. You don't find it a little odd that his story could be exactly your story a few years ago. Maybe like you, he believes this kid he is helping to raise is his, and she just never told the father because she didn't want to upset anyone. Sounds like that is her MO.

This women has been playing both of you. You will find out tomorrow when you try to force her hand to tell him. I suspect you will see a very different side of you terribly helpless victim of a girlfriend. When it happens I hope at that point you will remember these posts and start to wise up. Personally I think he is probably just a normal guy who thinks he is doing the best he can and excited about his new child. He thinks everything is going swimmingly. They probably have been having unprotected sex all the time, like people who are living together do. It's just logic there are not many men alive who agree to raise another man's kid and live with a sexless relationship. That really doesn't make logical sense.

I think you are going to find out you are just this girl's side piece, and maybe just one of them at that. However she will probably string you along as long as she can, until she gets bored and moves on.

Here read this thread from beginning to end, I DARE YOU, the circumstances may be different but this guy is probably a lot closer to who her boyfriend is then who she has told you he is. I bet this is how this guy is going to feel when he finds out. Are you capable of appreciating that OP, and that you were a part of him feeling that way?

Last edited by sokillme; 04-16-2017 at 06:31 PM.
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post #63 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 06:56 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Yes and yes. I just hate the situation and need her to step up to her man, family and friends.
Then expose her. That is the only way she will not string you along with her lies. She either steps up to the plate or you will.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #64 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 07:42 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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I understand your point of view but please have a little respect for me and the situation.

There are kids involved and we are trying to do what is best for them in the long run.
It's hard to have respect for someone who knew he was sleeping with a woman who has a child and is living with another man. A man who stepped up and raises another man's child as his own.

Re the bolded - if you really wanted what was best for the children, you would have walked away the moment you found out she was living with someone.

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I thought this also... if she is able to cheat with you, she is quite possible able to cheat on you.
Yep. If they do it with you, they'll do it to you.

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Again, not his kid...
Sorry but in every way that matters, that child IS his child. He is there. He took on that woman and her child and stepped up. Is he caring for the child while she's out screwing you?
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post #65 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 08:02 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Get a DNA test done. If it is yours, demand parenting rights. The BF will break up with her and you'll have a known cheater with multiple children from multiple fathers. What a catch!

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post #66 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 08:18 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Dump her. Keep your mouth closed for now.

Insist on a dna test after the baby is born.

Your baby, tell him.

Not your baby, walk away from them.

She is cheating on you with him and on him with you.

Hopefully she will smarten up after she has the baby...probably not.


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post #67 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 09:59 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

I see you moved to the safer space of SI for this post. Even there I don't think you will get a warm welcome. I hope you at least had the courage to read the post I linked to.

This one is even more like you.
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post #68 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:18 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Seriously, you need for this mess to explode in her face. You need to make a video of the two of you where there is not doubt in her BF's head that she may be carrying your child and not his. He will not believe anything else unless he hears it from her own mouth by you tricking her.

She after all tricked you, you need to do the same. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. She tricked you and you still love her. She will love you or not, but you have to take that chance if you honestly believe this baby is yours. Get your rights to that baby! He will definitely dump her once he knows she cheated and may be carrying your child. He will demand a paternity test as will you.

If you really want to have a relationship with this baby, you need to earn the right to ask for that baby's DNA. Momma doesn't have a say so in this. You have tried to no avail for her to step up to the plate. Too much of a coward to do anything and no problem stringing you along forever until you own what needs to be done.

Good things come to those who wait...greater things come to those who get off their a$$ and do anything to make it happen.
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post #69 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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I see you moved to the safer space of SI for this post. Even there I don't think you will get a warm welcome. I hope you at least had the courage to read the post I linked to.

This one is even more like you.
Don't take your pain/anger out on me. Don't assume I do not have the courage. I read all 10 pages and appreciate the extra insight as that is my reason for coming here in the first place.
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post #70 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:31 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Don't take your pain/anger out on me. Don't assume I do not have the courage. I read all 10 pages and appreciate the extra insight as that is my reason for coming here in the first place.
haha, whatever dude. Yeah you're a profile in courage.

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post #71 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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haha, whatever dude. Yeah you're a profile in courage.
**** happens, that is why these places exist. At least I am actively trying to figure it out and wrap my head around it.
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post #72 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:40 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

If you had any honor,courage,BALLS!

Then you would tell the husband. Quit *****fottin around and tell him. telling her to tell him is like telling a bank robber to turn themselves in. She will just drag it out with excuses and buy time and hope you go away.

So how mush courage do you got?

Yea thats what I thougt all talk no action!
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post #73 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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If you had any honor,courage,BALLS!

Then you would tell the husband. Quit *****fottin around and tell him. telling her to tell him is like telling a bank robber to turn themselves in. She will just drag it out with excuses and buy time and hope you go away.

So how mush courage do you got?

Yea thats what I thougt all talk no action!
She may not deserve the opportunity to break the news to him but she will get it. Either way he will find out tomorrow.

Its a boyfriend not a husband, not that it matters.
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post #74 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 10:55 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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She may not deserve the opportunity to break the news to him but she will get it. Either way he will find out tomorrow.

Its a boyfriend not a husband, not that it matters.
You let her break it and she will lie to him and minimize it. You are never going to know the truth.
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post #75 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-17-2017, 03:32 AM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

OK I will try and keep it simple:


You need to recognise that the woman you are sleeping with is a vile person. Not good for you, her current bf and probably not even her ex. She is a liar and a cheat and will manipulate people at will.


Having recognised this, you need to understand that you have been a bad person in continuing the affair even after you found out about her bf who is a good man to take care of her child as if it was his. This is not how a decent person would behave.


Having recognised each of the above and accepted it, you must do separate things about each of the above.


You must break off your relationship with the woman whether the baby is yours or not. This is not saying that you should walk away from the baby. You should be willing and able to co-parent with her if the baby is yours. Else dump her and explain why - that the both of you were behaving badly and that you do not think she is a good person.


You must come clean with the bf even if there was no baby. Explain that his "gf" has been cheating on him for some time now (with you). Apologise sincerely for your part in this. Then tell him about the baby possibly being yours. And help him even if he hurls abuse at you.


Hope that is clear ...

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause
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