The baby is mine and he does not know - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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The baby is mine and he does not know

I started dating this girl, not knowing she was in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one. By the time I found out, it was months down the road and we were inseparable. She already has one kid (1 yr old) from an old abusive ex that is no longer in the picture. Her bf stepped up to take on the father role.

She was living a double life with me, spending the night a few nights a week. She is now pregnant with my daughter but won't face the music and tell him it's not his. At first I thought an abortion would keep the world spinning. I did not want to be a homewrecker. As time passed, I got more and more excited to meet my baby girl.

She tells me I am way better with the kid and actually play with him. I don't just stick him in the pen and play video games. I am actually present in the relationship.

I feel like she's made up her mind. I want to be a part of her family. She fears that if she comes clean, everyone will hate her and she can't take that stress. I figure that her family will get over it and if she really loves me then we'd have a great home life. Whats more important than that?

I've talked to her about how I feel. We are great together. I can't be the one to out her but every month that passes (4 now) the potential to hurt people gets worse and worse.

Do I just step out of the picture? I want to be a part of their lives. I heard that when this happens, the truth usually comes out eventually. I think it is better that it happens sooner rather than later.

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post #2 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Does she still want to see both of you?
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post #3 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:20 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Wow, what a situation. I wonder if it is legally possible to demand a DNA test when the baby is born?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #4 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:22 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

How do you know it is your daughter?

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post #5 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Wow, talk about being careful what you wish for. Here's the deal, stop sleeping with the married women and do whatever it takes to make a DNA test happen. If you're the biological father than co-parent and be there for your daughter. But run like hell from this woman who's had one or more babies through affairs otherwise you'll be raising your daughter and her 1/2 siblings that are supposedly yours later on. You need to see this girl you've been dating for what she is. She's the person cheating, getting pregnant, and tricking her husband.

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post #6 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

They hardly ever have sex and always used a condom. Based on the date of conception there is no doubt.
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post #7 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

.

Last edited by basel; 04-15-2017 at 07:07 PM. Reason: duplicate reply
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post #8 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Originally Posted by manwithnoname View Post
Does she still want to see both of you?
We almost got caught and since then she wants to let things cool off. We still meet but nothing sexual.
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post #9 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Originally Posted by Thundarr View Post
Wow, talk about being careful what you wish for. Here's the deal, stop sleeping with the married women and do whatever it takes to make a DNA test happen. If you're the biological father than co-parent and be there for your daughter. But run like hell from this woman who's had one or more babies through affairs otherwise you'll be raising your daughter and her 1/2 siblings that are supposedly yours later on. You need to see this girl you've been dating for what she is. She's the person cheating, getting pregnant, and tricking her husband.
We know it is mine but if she will not come out to her boyfriend, it is going to be hard for me to co-parent. I know I can't make her do anything but it does not seem fair that I lose out on the great opportunity because she is too scared.
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post #10 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:26 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

You are not thinking this through.
You are not thinking this half-way through
You are not thinking.

This women of yours, is on her second long term romance.
While in this second long term romance she jumps in the sack with you. She "makes sure" she gets pregnant by you. Oh, yeah...she did this.
In this day and age this still happens.

She is bedding two men. What a deal for her. The other dude wears a condom because he does not want to get her pregnant. Duh!

This first ex was abusive....says who?
The second and current lover is not having sex with her often..and uses a condom? Why is that? Why is she not on the birth control? Does she have a STD? Hence, the condom use.
If you shack up with her, or heaven forbid, marry her, how many more men will she develop on the side. I suspect the horny lady needs two. More power to her...less to you.

Oh, I forgot. You are better than the first two chumps and you are good with kids.
Now she has a stable guy who likes kids and loves her. This frees up her mind and her time....to find another side piece.

This women cannot get enough sex. One man is one to few. And when one man is jettisoned, another will bone up in his place.

She does not want to tell her current boyfriend? Why is this? Are you just for sex? He is Plan A....still.

What a Deal! For her...not you.

Sorry. Get the kid DNA checked as others have suggested. Enjoy the child....from another residence. Let some other dude and more other dudes fill the holes in her life.
Enjoy the little girl. Nothing more.

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This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.

Last edited by SunCMars; 04-15-2017 at 07:45 PM.
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post #11 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

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Originally Posted by basel View Post
We know it is mine but if she will not come out to her boyfriend, it is going to be hard for me to co-parent. I know I can't make her do anything but it does not seem fair that I lose out on the great opportunity because she is too scared.
If you believe this is your daughter then the law is on your side basel. It's in the child's best interests and a right to know who his or her biological parents are and to have an involvement and relationship with them. Additionally the birth certificate is a legal document and there are legal ramifications to knowingly falsifying information on it. If the court is petitioned to correct false information on the birth certificate then they are bound to do so.

SO YES you can force a paternity test and you need to.

I'm as deep as a puddle. Holland.
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post #12 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 07:39 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Many years ago, I was the night shift manager at a medium sized manufacturing plant.

Half the employees were women. Most were married. At least half of these women were having sexual relations with men, not their husbands. In their cars, in back rooms.

Many got pregnant. This was before DNA testing was available. The women were having a ball, with balls not belonging to their SO.

And yes, the male workers were also having affairs. With coworkers and with others. Including supervisors that worked for me. What a zoo. I was glad to get out of that place with my life.

Many fights over relationships. Fist fights in the parking lot, mind you!

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #13 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:42 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

Tough situation.
Are you giving her money?
It might not be her husbands...and it might not be yours. Hate to point that out. But why not? No boundaries going on anyways.


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post #14 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 08:54 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

has she told you in typical wayward style how bad her boyfriend is and you overwhelmingly believes her for your own sake. I think at least you should tell the oppressed Bf the situation and set him free
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post #15 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-15-2017, 09:03 PM
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Re: The baby is mine and he does not know

You don't know if what she tells you, about him wearing a condom and seldom having sex is true. People to cheat lie. The very fact that she is cheating shows that she has no problem lying.

Ask her to do an DNA test because you want to know if you are the father of this child. Here is a prenatal DNA test that can be done while she is pregnant. It is non-invasive as it uses her blood. Apparently a baby's DNA is present in it's mother's blood during the pregnancy. Here is a site for a company that does them.


http://www.harmonytestusa.com/?utm_t...%3EDNA%3EExact

Does she say that this is your baby?

If she loves you, why won't she leave her boyfriend? Does he make a lot more money than you do?

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